June 20, 2015
PLEASE do not gift this to your bridesmaids or MOH
book should be taken with a HUGE grain of salt. Ms. Roney is a
professional wedding planner, and The Knot is the leading wedding
industry site. They have a vested interest in making the wedding party
believe certain things are obligations. PLEASE read on.
are a huge industry, and everyone wants their share. Dress shops, shoe
stores, jewelers, cosmetic technicians, hair salons....anyone who can
grab a piece of the industry pie. These people have a financial interest
in making the bride believe THIS! IS! THE! MOST! IMPORTANT! DAY! OF!
YOUR! LIFE! and it's all about her. They want her friends to believe
they're bad friends if they don't purchase matching dresses, shoes,
purses, evening wraps and jewelry, and host an expensive shower and
bachelorette party. See where I'm going with this?
of bridesmaids is rooted in superstition. A bride's friends accompanied
her to church to protect her identity from watching demons, so they
couldn't curse her marriage. Over time it evolved into a way to honor
special friends and relatives - the folks you wouldn't dream of making
this milestone stop in life unless they're by your side. THAT has not
changed. Planning and working the wedding were the job of the bride's
family - usually the parents. The wedding industry IS trying to change
that by insisting that the wedding party has "duties" and jobs." (Not
true, and PLEASE don't buy into it).
Bridesmaid does NOT mean
"bride's maid." They are chosen - or SHOULD be - to honor special
friends, not to get a free staff. God invented the professional wedding
coordinator for brides who need help planning and working their
weddings, since modern weddings are no longer planned by the bride's
family as part of a parental duty.
PLEASE do not gift this to
your wedding party. That shows up the bride as a greedy person whose
friendship comes with a price tag attached: "You're a bad friend if you
don't do these things for me." The title of "bridezilla" didn't come out
of nowhere. Kicking a maid out of your wedding is a guaranteed way to
end the friendship (and "asking her to 'step down' is just a euphemism
for kicking her out. She won't be fooled, and neither will anyone else).
and bachelorette parties are a GIFT, *not* a right. No one is ever
entitled to have a party hosted for them at someone else's time and
expense. Usually the wedding party hosts a shower, but this is certainly
not REQUIRED. The guru of REAL etiquette, Judith Martin aka Miss
Manners, says so as well.
Think about it: Do you want your
wedding party beside you because they are your dearest friends and
relatives, or to be fussed over and get free wedding workerbees?
Telling a bridesmaid she has duties, and is a lousy person if she can't
do all the things suggested in this book, is a good way to get everyone
to decline to be in the wedding. Not everyone can do all this. A bride
could end up disappointed and hurt because her friends mistakenly
believe they have all these "duties" and decline her invitation to be in
Working your wedding is not an honor to the friend.
It's a convenience to the bride. A considerate bride never, never loses
sight of the fact that her bridesmaids are her friends. It's great if
your wedding party OFFERS to help, and it's just fine to take advantage
of their offer. It's wrong to EXPECT it. Ask your fiance if you need
help with the wedding. After all, you're marrying him, not your
bridesmaids. Remember that anyone who is given a chore will be tied to
that chore while everyone else enjoys the celebration!
the wedding industry is finished with you once your wedding is over. It
can't make more money off you, so could care less if you offended your
friends and trashed your relationships over the One Perfect Day they
spent millions in advertising to convince you was your right
and ask yourself a question: did I ask my bridesmaids to be in my
wedding because I wouldn't dream of getting married unless they were
standing beside me? Or did I pick them because of what I think they'll
do for me?
Their real responsibility: get the dress, show up sober for the wedding and smile for pictures.
Your real responsibility: get married.
Sorry, but this is bad advice, and the etiquette advice is false. Get Miss Manners instead.