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Dec 14, 2018
“The Essential Guide to Lesbian and Gay Weddings†by Tess Ayers, Paul Brown (NY: HarperSanFrancisco, 1994)
I
picked up this book as part of my personal growth plan to read at least
one book from genres that I've previously avoided or missed.
This
book is informative, easy to read, and funny! Ahead of it's time. I
hadn't considered just how much thought and energy and planning queer
couples must go through with every aspect of wedding planning. The
sensitivity required in consideration of every
“The Essential Guide to Lesbian and Gay Weddings†by Tess Ayers, Paul Brown (NY: HarperSanFrancisco, 1994)
I
picked up this book as part of my personal growth plan to read at least
one book from genres that I've previously avoided or missed.
This
book is informative, easy to read, and funny! Ahead of it's time. I
hadn't considered just how much thought and energy and planning queer
couples must go through with every aspect of wedding planning. The
sensitivity required in consideration of every person that they may or
may not invite, where they'll host the wedding, whom they ask to cater
and officiate etc is far more rigorous than any straight couple need to
be aware of.
It's good to be reminded that 'Wedding' is interpreted
differently by each couple, for reasons based on cultural, religious or
ethnic background, and sometimes not. (xiv)
Here are some things I found interesting:
In Anglo-saxon society the groom was required to give a 'wed' of money, goods, or domestic animals in exchange for a bride.
Then
in medieval times, along came Saint Augustine to suggest that mutual
agreement just might be a better foundation for a marriage than stealing
or bartering.
The idea of romantic love didn't really catch on until
the eighteenth century, but even then if the relationship soured,
people often stayed married for economic or social reasons – marriages
of convenience (p4).
“A wedding? Why bother? Because we humans
love to mark milestones with celebrations. From baptisms to a
sweet-sixteen party to a retirement party, we take stock of our lives
with rituals. By planning a wedding ceremony, you are participating in
an age-old rite that honors the purest and most basic union between two
people. A wedding is part of a universal language that says 'turning
point,' and as human beings we need to feel a part of the pageant of
history.
A wedding is also about saying to society, 'This is a
relationship that is of the deepest importance to us. Help us carry it
forward.'†(p6)
The list of “Seven bad reasons to get married†was funny. (p9)
“Straight - but not Narrow†(p13)
Glad to see a quote from 'Some Like It Hot' movie (p17).
“Chapter 3 – It's a Straight Straight Straight Straight World: Dealing with the Other 90 Percentâ€
“When you're a same-sex couple about to get married, you are 'coming out over and over again.'†(p29)
HONEYMOON
HISTORY: “After the caveman stole his bride, his main goal was to avoid
the vengeance of the bride's family. So he 'went to the mattresses,' so
to speak, and hid out with his new wife for thirty days – the cycle of
the moon. While they were hiding, they consumed the current drink of
choice, mead, which contained honey. Thus, 'moon of honey.'†(p260)
1.THE NAME GAME: Four different variations on the 'new last name' decision:
Hyphenating
2.One person taking the other's last name
3.Adding your spouse's name to yours
4.Choosing a new name altogether. (p269)
...more