4.05

4

Dec 14, 2018

“The Essential Guide to Lesbian and Gay Weddings” by Tess Ayers, Paul Brown (NY: HarperSanFrancisco, 1994)

I picked up this book as part of my personal growth plan to read at least one book from genres that I've previously avoided or missed.

This book is informative, easy to read, and funny! Ahead of it's time. I hadn't considered just how much thought and energy and planning queer couples must go through with every aspect of wedding planning. The sensitivity required in consideration of every “The Essential Guide to Lesbian and Gay Weddings” by Tess Ayers, Paul Brown (NY: HarperSanFrancisco, 1994)

I picked up this book as part of my personal growth plan to read at least one book from genres that I've previously avoided or missed.

This book is informative, easy to read, and funny! Ahead of it's time. I hadn't considered just how much thought and energy and planning queer couples must go through with every aspect of wedding planning. The sensitivity required in consideration of every person that they may or may not invite, where they'll host the wedding, whom they ask to cater and officiate etc is far more rigorous than any straight couple need to be aware of.
It's good to be reminded that 'Wedding' is interpreted differently by each couple, for reasons based on cultural, religious or ethnic background, and sometimes not. (xiv)

Here are some things I found interesting:

In Anglo-saxon society the groom was required to give a 'wed' of money, goods, or domestic animals in exchange for a bride.
Then in medieval times, along came Saint Augustine to suggest that mutual agreement just might be a better foundation for a marriage than stealing or bartering.
The idea of romantic love didn't really catch on until the eighteenth century, but even then if the relationship soured, people often stayed married for economic or social reasons – marriages of convenience (p4).

“A wedding? Why bother? Because we humans love to mark milestones with celebrations. From baptisms to a sweet-sixteen party to a retirement party, we take stock of our lives with rituals. By planning a wedding ceremony, you are participating in an age-old rite that honors the purest and most basic union between two people. A wedding is part of a universal language that says 'turning point,' and as human beings we need to feel a part of the pageant of history.
A wedding is also about saying to society, 'This is a relationship that is of the deepest importance to us. Help us carry it forward.'” (p6)

The list of “Seven bad reasons to get married” was funny. (p9)

“Straight - but not Narrow” (p13)

Glad to see a quote from 'Some Like It Hot' movie (p17).

“Chapter 3 – It's a Straight Straight Straight Straight World: Dealing with the Other 90 Percent”
“When you're a same-sex couple about to get married, you are 'coming out over and over again.'” (p29)

HONEYMOON HISTORY: “After the caveman stole his bride, his main goal was to avoid the vengeance of the bride's family. So he 'went to the mattresses,' so to speak, and hid out with his new wife for thirty days – the cycle of the moon. While they were hiding, they consumed the current drink of choice, mead, which contained honey. Thus, 'moon of honey.'” (p260)

1.THE NAME GAME: Four different variations on the 'new last name' decision:
Hyphenating
2.One person taking the other's last name
3.Adding your spouse's name to yours
4.Choosing a new name altogether. (p269)

...more

3

Jan 07, 2015

I probably would never have bought this book but I saw it at the library and since Lauri and I are getting married in May I thought it might be interesting.

I would probably take issue with the word "essential" in the title but it's a useful overview of how to plan a wedding. Nothing spectacular or earth shattering but useful to help organize one's thoughts and keep things in perspective.

3

Dec 26, 2012

Hilarious - mainly but not always in a good way. For US couple only I suspect...

1

Mar 25, 2016

Very out of date and was not helpful for any part of planning. To be fair, I picked this up with only the ceremony left to plan.

4

Feb 24, 2008

I'm so glad I had this, if only for the (not particularly queer-specific) suggestion to have a huge sheet cake for actual cake-serving instead of having to carve up a bunch of small pretty cakes.