4.22

3

Sep 18, 2008

I know what you're thinking... "Meg, are you, in fact... a MAN???" Nope. My brother-in-law just handed me a copy of his book (the "Men's Edition") a few weeks ago and told me to read it, that it would probably improve my marriage and understanding of my husband. And it did! It's a great book, and Chapman’s a genius. My main issue with it was redundancy. There doesn't need to be a whole book about this theory (much less several), the following paragraph would suffice:

There are five major ways I know what you're thinking... "Meg, are you, in fact... a MAN???" Nope. My brother-in-law just handed me a copy of his book (the "Men's Edition") a few weeks ago and told me to read it, that it would probably improve my marriage and understanding of my husband. And it did! It's a great book, and Chapman’s a genius. My main issue with it was redundancy. There doesn't need to be a whole book about this theory (much less several), the following paragraph would suffice:

There are five major ways that people prefer to be loved: QUALITY TIME (going on a walk, having a meaningful conversation, enjoying an activity together, etc.), WORDS OF AFFIRMATION (vocally expressing an interest in them and their opinions, asking advice, giving compliments, etc.), RECEIVING GIFTS (bringing home flowers, picking up a little something "just because you were thinking of him/her," homemade presents and cards, etc.), ACTS OF SERVICE (washing the dishes or doing laundry for them, helping them with a project, going grocery shopping so they don't have to, etc.), and PHYSICAL TOUCH (holding hands, giving massages, play fighting, sex... but not JUST sex... everybody loves sex. Well, let me rephrase that, everyone WHO REGULARLY HAS AN ORGASM loves sex... but Chapman didn't say that, it's just my opinion--disregard it as part of this review). So there they are, the five love languages. Figure out which one is your partner's (hint: it'll be the one he or she is always nagging that you "never do"), then go out of your way to show love the way they WANT to be loved, not the way you want to love them.

There it is, in a nutshell. It's an amazing theory that I think is mostly true and will work wonders in relationships. The book itself tends to make its point OVER AND OVER again... but now that you've read my paragraph, you won't need to invest the time!

You're welcome.

I hope Chapman doesn't sue me.
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4

Oct 01, 2017

I've read a few of Gary Chapman's books, and I even own a couple of them. This one was written especially for men and the little interview with the author at the end, even mentions he tried to give it a manly cover. As with most books of this nature, I feel I have to sift through what is given.......what is pertinent to me, what isn't. This book was no different. Some of this was useful, some of it wasn't.

I like his emphasis on strengthening relationships. Everyone has the ability to improve I've read a few of Gary Chapman's books, and I even own a couple of them. This one was written especially for men and the little interview with the author at the end, even mentions he tried to give it a manly cover. As with most books of this nature, I feel I have to sift through what is given.......what is pertinent to me, what isn't. This book was no different. Some of this was useful, some of it wasn't.

I like his emphasis on strengthening relationships. Everyone has the ability to improve any relationship, but bottom line, they have to be willing to put the other person first. Sometimes this means reaching out of your comfy little box. He illustrates his 5 major points well and gives helpful ideas for application. ...more

2

Jul 19, 2015

I am not a reader of self help books, but this book came recommended to me as a text that is helpful in the areas of communication with a lover or a spouse and can have a drastic impact in many areas of my relationships.

While I think that this book says many valuable things, there are also some places that I think that this book is complete nonsense and totally misses the mark.

First, trying to figure out what you best respond to and what your spouse or lover best responds to is definitely an I am not a reader of self help books, but this book came recommended to me as a text that is helpful in the areas of communication with a lover or a spouse and can have a drastic impact in many areas of my relationships.

While I think that this book says many valuable things, there are also some places that I think that this book is complete nonsense and totally misses the mark.

First, trying to figure out what you best respond to and what your spouse or lover best responds to is definitely an important aspect of any relationship. Furthermore, define what you want and understand what they want is really important, otherwise your efforts are wasted, and your concept of what you think is compatible is just based on some metric that you have devised rather than truth. There is a quiz to figure out what you are. Then you take it, and your spouse or lover takes theirs, and you start trying to figure out what the other person needs.

This book says some awesome things about relationships as well. One is that there is no magic to it, and that there is no fairytale perfect person. Rather, we are able to build our relationship with anyone, and there are things that you can do to keep the relationship and the intimacy strong through communicating in the right way with the other person. Don’t buy them flowers if flowers aren’t important, rather, do deeds, or take walks if they are a quality time person. Makes sense - you just need to figure out what they need.

That said, it misses the mark in many places, and I think the book could have either been more clinical OR a lot shorter and the skills fit on a pamphlet that can be read in a sitting.

First, there is a strange preoccupation with “everything will work out okay” and the strange religious road that the book steers down about halfway through. I was somewhat disillusioned and confused when I got to the chapter that seemed to lay out a scenario where there was a woman who was deeply religious, went to church every week, and her husband ignored her for months, and she hated sex. The solution in this anecdote, totally open ended, started with quoting Jesus and somehow Jesus wanting her to please her husband even if she hated him and hated sex, and that if her intentions were good it would all work out. Frankly, I got to the end of that chapter and wasn’t even sure what it was telling me. Jesus, church, and other religious things come up a lot, and for someone who is not religious and even can’t see the connection (and even if I was, would find difficulty in including religion if I was having relationship problems since I see it as unrelated), I found the constant referencing distracting.

I also felt like the book was talking down to me - in a manner like, ‘well, guys don’t read, so we need to snatch up the dumb apes’ attention with this. I read voraciously, and know myself, and felt dumb reading it if only for those reasons. I found non-technical, basic, and simplistic approached and suggestions in this ‘men’s edition.’ Furthermore, many contradictions. In one place the author is talking about men’s biological need to have sex, and two paragraphs later that they may be mistaken for needing ‘quality time.’ I often found myself scratching my head that this would make sense to anyone and where the science was in some of the science things the author seemed to be referencing.

Finally, I come from a somewhat dysfunctional childhood, and at times I was wishing that some of this was as easy as that. I am not saying that a book needs to specifically address trauma and assume everyone has some sort of complex, but at the same rate in many ways our childhood has a lot to do with my reactions to things. That said, the chapter about receiving gifts, and seeing them as an investment in me and my relationship rather than an investment in the thing, really hit home. Poverty can really mess you up.

So, my review is simple. The book has a lot of great things to say about communication with your spouse and using a system of cues (the languages) to figure out what they need and expect from the relationship. Oftentimes we miss this information and do a bad job communicating it, and it is through recognizing this that we can figure out what we expect from ourselves, and what our significant other expects from us. There was some really interesting realistic stuff the author presented (you can fall in love with anyone, television may relax you but it is not quality time), but alongside some really weird inclusions (pray, go to church, a good gift is naming a star after someone from one of those shyster companies, among other suggestions, and an absolute dearth of anecdotal evidence). I also think that the avoidance of physical intimacy - rather than the importance of sex it suggests that just putting your arm around one another or touching a shoulder and explaining sex as a mysterious pseudoscience of emotional literacy - was strange. Finally, the “for men” edition, I thought, was insulting to men and to me as a reader, so I wonder if the original is a little more compatible for humans, but I also have no plans to ever pick it up. In short, it was okay, but I could have gotten the gist of it in a tenth of the pages.
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4

Jan 11, 2012

This is one of those books that while you are reading it you think to yourself "well of course" and "I knew that". Yet at the same time realizing that you've never really considering the ideas that Chapman presents about the way two people express and more importantly receive love from one another.

I pretty quickly discovered that my primary love language is definitely Words of Affirmation. Most men, and Chapman points this out often, assume they operate from the Physical Touch language but that This is one of those books that while you are reading it you think to yourself "well of course" and "I knew that". Yet at the same time realizing that you've never really considering the ideas that Chapman presents about the way two people express and more importantly receive love from one another.

I pretty quickly discovered that my primary love language is definitely Words of Affirmation. Most men, and Chapman points this out often, assume they operate from the Physical Touch language but that is usually not the case. But what I enjoyed more than figure out my primary language was that it also allowed me to appreciate when the other languages are expressed to me that I would have otherwise not noticed.

I think every one should read this (or the original though I didn't think this edition was too focused on the male perspective) but especially those that are engaged or newly married such as myself. ...more

4

Nov 02, 2016

Great model, not only for couples and children, but also for relationships in general, private or business.


Bonus for the audiobook: author has a great voice with a nice southern accent :)

4

Apr 18, 2013

a nice Book helps you to keep the love with your partner throughout your Marrige,it leerns you how to learn the love Language of your Partner and how to stay in love with her/him

5

Sep 13, 2015

A must-read for all married men and those considering marriage.

5

Sep 29, 2016

Except for the cover and the suggestions at the end of each chapter that are catered to men, this book seems to be identical to the original The Five Love Languages. I'm okay with this, since I was due for a reread anyway, and since I spent $1 on this copy at Goodwill, but I'd be pretty upset if I had made any significant investment, expecting to receive insights unique to this version.

4

Jun 09, 2017

Ok so here is the thing! Gary Chapman has an amazing concept with much info on loving one another. I bought this books after reading his original thinking it would have more male tailored advice....I was wrong. This book is literally just a copy on his original with about 20 pgs in it tht outline ideas for how men can do things for their wives!! The other like 170 pgs are EXACTLY WORD FOR WORD the same as his original. So learn from my mistake, if you have read the original don't waste the money Ok so here is the thing! Gary Chapman has an amazing concept with much info on loving one another. I bought this books after reading his original thinking it would have more male tailored advice....I was wrong. This book is literally just a copy on his original with about 20 pgs in it tht outline ideas for how men can do things for their wives!! The other like 170 pgs are EXACTLY WORD FOR WORD the same as his original. So learn from my mistake, if you have read the original don't waste the money on this copy. If you haven't read his book, and are a man, buy this copy because you ll get the original plus some! Enjoy ...more

3

Mar 20, 2008

Let me just say one thing about this book. It claims itself to be a special edition for men. Well, I don't know what type of man this author is used to (maybe one that doesn't like to keep any dormant mushy side from being exposed to the world), but just because this book has a brown cover doesn't make it very "manly". I don't have many other books in my library that have big hearts with arrows through them on the cover. Every, and I mean EVERY, new chapter has the same big sweetie-pie picture Let me just say one thing about this book. It claims itself to be a special edition for men. Well, I don't know what type of man this author is used to (maybe one that doesn't like to keep any dormant mushy side from being exposed to the world), but just because this book has a brown cover doesn't make it very "manly". I don't have many other books in my library that have big hearts with arrows through them on the cover. Every, and I mean EVERY, new chapter has the same big sweetie-pie picture on the left-hand page opposite the text on the right. This was a real double whammy for me since I had to use one arm to cover up the sappy picture and the other hand to cover up whatever embarassing words made up the title of the new chapter of this fine work. Let's just say that this book didn't make mee feel my manliest as I read it on the train each day. I'm not sure that I was able to hide the subject of my reading. That's okay, I followed up this book with one on fighting to get my manly credentials back. ...more

4

Apr 29, 2019

The contents is actually quite "yes I actually know this" when you read it, but in reality, you never think about it, and it does matter. I needed to read this to get over past issues, and prevent future ones, it helped a little with understanding some things.

4

Mar 11, 2018

The book focuses on treating your loved one (wife in this edition) as she would want to be treated. The author keeps the focus on the reader to do the right thing and to do it with kindness, love and respect.

This approach was refreshing and resonated with me on many levels. This edition was written for men but is broadly applicable in its themes. Recommended for all and especially for those who wish to align their heart’s desire with clarity and understanding.

5

Apr 01, 2019

This should replace Algebra in every middle school curriculum in the world. How to appropriately show love to the people you care about might be the single most important concept a human can understand and yet it wasn't until I read this book that I was able to get my head around gifting, touch, and affirmation.

Thank you Gary Chapman. I am going to be thinking of the 5 love languages from now until I die (hopefully) surrounded by people I love and that know that I love them.

4

Nov 27, 2016

I would give the philosophy behind the book [series] a 5; the book itself a 4, landing it at a 4.5.

Putting a measurable reason behind discrepancies in how couples communicate affection is outstanding. Finally being able to know how to best show my wife that I love her is only going to strengthen our marriage.

I will say that the the author's phraseology is geared toward someone with no prior knowledge of psychology, which is good and bad. Since I know a little bit, it did make this book a little I would give the philosophy behind the book [series] a 5; the book itself a 4, landing it at a 4.5.

Putting a measurable reason behind discrepancies in how couples communicate affection is outstanding. Finally being able to know how to best show my wife that I love her is only going to strengthen our marriage.

I will say that the the author's phraseology is geared toward someone with no prior knowledge of psychology, which is good and bad. Since I know a little bit, it did make this book a little harder to read, but I would still recommend it to anyone. I imagine you can help more people speaking more simply than not, since even seasoned readers on this type of subject will be able to digest it while others wouldn't have a chance otherwise.

Definitely a great book! ...more

5

Dec 03, 2019

This was a nice read a few years after reading the original book. I really have no issues with this book - it's an easy read and it has tons of suggestions for how to improve a marriage relationship - highly recommend.

3

Jan 22, 2019

The reading was a little difficult at me for times. However, the concept and the understanding that came from this book has changed every relationship I have had since for the better. It is a wonderful way to get insight on your own needs and actions, the actions and motivations of others, and figure out how to compromise for everybody's benefit.

5

Jul 11, 2017

This was an awsome book. Geared towards men, it was very easy to get into. lots of pictures, graphs, charts. the questions and format was easy to read. if I were to write a book i would definitely choose this type of format. If you have a husband who needs this book i highly recommended it. It's worth getting this one for men as opposed to sharing the original book.

2

Dec 12, 2017

This book is mostly fluff, which is a shame, because I think some of the core ideas are pretty valuable. Even taking a moment to think about the different ways that different people express and receive love is a useful exercise, and Chapman seems to be onto something with his five languages. I also thought that the chapter on apologies had some useful frameworks to think through.

Unfortunately the useful parts of this book could distilled down to 5-10 pages. The rest is hackneyed references to This book is mostly fluff, which is a shame, because I think some of the core ideas are pretty valuable. Even taking a moment to think about the different ways that different people express and receive love is a useful exercise, and Chapman seems to be onto something with his five languages. I also thought that the chapter on apologies had some useful frameworks to think through.

Unfortunately the useful parts of this book could distilled down to 5-10 pages. The rest is hackneyed references to stereotyped male interests - weak sports analogies abound. My hypothesis here is that this is some publisher's failure rather than the author's. I actually wish I'd read the original work. I think what's happened is that it has been repackaged and re-written to find another way to sell the ideas, and in the process has been reduced to a bit of a self-help caricature. ...more

5

Sep 04, 2018

Very Insightful and Resourcedul

There’s not much about this book that I couldn’t like. It was an astonishing read by very good insight for those of us “soul searching” to be the better “version” of ourselves in a relationship. It’s a page turner and it provides one an opportunity to self reflect.

5

May 04, 2019

I really liked this book. It has the same ideas, and even some of the same stories that the couples edition has. I did feel that this edition is a little more concise and to the point, so it didn’t seem as long. I highly recommend this to any man who is in or wanting to be in a relationship! It is directed more to men, but I felt it is just as beneficial for women.

4

Nov 27, 2019

*you don’t need to be a dude to read this edition*
I picked it up out of curiosity of how Chapman talked to males regarding the 5 Love languages. I wanted to understand how a man might approach his wife and if my mate would benefit from this book. The subject itself is gender neutral. The book has a slight lean towards the man but nothing that takes away from the message.
If your married I think this book would greatly benefit the marriage. Love is a choice you intend to choose errrrrday when you *you don’t need to be a dude to read this edition*
I picked it up out of curiosity of how Chapman talked to males regarding the 5 Love languages. I wanted to understand how a man might approach his wife and if my mate would benefit from this book. The subject itself is gender neutral. The book has a slight lean towards the man but nothing that takes away from the message.
If your married I think this book would greatly benefit the marriage. Love is a choice you intend to choose errrrrday when you make the vows of marriage. ...more

3

Jun 16, 2017

The basic message of this book is a lot of people work very hard to be good spouses and they're doing things their spouse doesn't value. Figure out what your spouse really cares about and focus on that. Don't focus on your needs, and if you meet the needs of your spouse then they'll be more receptive to yours. They'll either know them already or you'll be able to talk to them.

While a lot of the examples in the book seem painfully obvious, there's definitely some things I can take away. Observe, The basic message of this book is a lot of people work very hard to be good spouses and they're doing things their spouse doesn't value. Figure out what your spouse really cares about and focus on that. Don't focus on your needs, and if you meet the needs of your spouse then they'll be more receptive to yours. They'll either know them already or you'll be able to talk to them.

While a lot of the examples in the book seem painfully obvious, there's definitely some things I can take away. Observe, listen, serve, understand. Make sure what you're doing is what your spouse actually wants, not what you think they want.

This isn't a 10 step guide to feeling like a teenager, drunk on love, for the next 40 years of your life. It can help a lot, though, and at least get you on the right path. ...more

4

Sep 10, 2017

Last year, I read the original Five Love Languages book, and my wife and I found it to be a powerful tool for improving an already strong relationship. She has since read it herself, and I found myself curious as to how a men-specific version might differ. With little surprise, I found that the content is identical, yet the direction is indeed shifted slightly, with the stories told chosen to be able to relate better to a male reader. Upon a second reflection of the love languages, I find myself Last year, I read the original Five Love Languages book, and my wife and I found it to be a powerful tool for improving an already strong relationship. She has since read it herself, and I found myself curious as to how a men-specific version might differ. With little surprise, I found that the content is identical, yet the direction is indeed shifted slightly, with the stories told chosen to be able to relate better to a male reader. Upon a second reflection of the love languages, I find myself to be rethinking how my love languages affect my day to day life, and how I can continue to improve my wife's by keeping her's in mind. Reading these books over every once in a while as a reminder will likely be a very good thing for my marriage. ...more

4

Aug 18, 2017

To oversimplify this book pay attention to your spouse. Try to love them in the ways they want to be loved not in the ways you want to love. It is easier for men to acts of service. We don't mind taking out the garbage or getting the oil changed. But if she really wants quality time as Chapman points out over and over again you aren't filling her love bucket.

throughoutthis book, Chapman goes over the 5 languages of love

ReceivingGifts
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Words of affirmation
Quality time
To oversimplify this book pay attention to your spouse.  Try to love them in the ways they want to be loved not in the ways you want to love.  It is easier for men to acts of service.  We don't mind taking out the garbage or getting the oil changed.  But if she really wants quality time as Chapman points out over and over again you aren't filling her love bucket.  

throughout this book, Chapman goes over the 5 languages of love

Receiving Gifts
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Sometimes people may react stronger to more than on of the languages.  You will have to work on this test out each one for a while and see what works.  I believe Chapman's idea here is great because you have to listen to your spouse.  You have to learn who they are on the inside, and you have to spend time together figuring out which language works best.   ...more

4

Nov 16, 2017

This is a easy to read book with eye-opening material. It focuses on the five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. It is specifically written for men to help them learn to recognize their own love language and also their wife's. It gives tips on how to communicate the love language to create a happier marriage. I was about halfway through the book when I realized that this is men's edition and I am not a man. Haha. However, I This is a easy to read book with eye-opening material. It focuses on the five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. It is specifically written for men to help them learn to recognize their own love language and also their wife's. It gives tips on how to communicate the love language to create a happier marriage. I was about halfway through the book when I realized that this is men's edition and I am not a man. Haha. However, I still enjoyed reading it. It helped me understand how men struggle with love languages because it was written in a mans perspective and for men. One of the books strengths is that it included personal stories of the applications of the love languages. There is a quiz in the book to help you figure out you and your spouses love language. Throughout the book, there are also lists of things to do to speak your spouses love language. I think this is helpful to the reader because they can actually see how to speak someones love language in practical, everyday things. This book also helped me realize that my love language is "receiving gifts." I think I can recognize others love languages easier now that I have read this book.
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