4.15

5

Jul 24, 2012

I initially thought this book would be helpful in parenting kids with ADHD but it is really an excellent resource for parents of typically developing children as well as those with deficits in their executive functioning skills. I really should buy it as a reference. After reading it I finally understood something our psychologist had tried to explain to me previously - that attention and emotional regulation are linked. You use the same part of the brain for each of these skills so when you I initially thought this book would be helpful in parenting kids with ADHD but it is really an excellent resource for parents of typically developing children as well as those with deficits in their executive functioning skills. I really should buy it as a reference. After reading it I finally understood something our psychologist had tried to explain to me previously - that attention and emotional regulation are linked. You use the same part of the brain for each of these skills so when you work on and strengthen one skill you may see improvement in the other executive functioning skill as well. ...more

4

Aug 02, 2013

I'm still not sure I agree with the premise that school age children with executive skills deficits can really master them with just the proper training. Seems to me you can improve on some behaviors outwardly, but that personality and maturity level account for a lot more of what executive skills your child has mastered and can master.
That said, this book provided some interesting insights and some very good ideas for how to help most kids get back on track. For certain behaviors, the I'm still not sure I agree with the premise that school age children with executive skills deficits can really master them with just the proper training. Seems to me you can improve on some behaviors outwardly, but that personality and maturity level account for a lot more of what executive skills your child has mastered and can master.
That said, this book provided some interesting insights and some very good ideas for how to help most kids get back on track. For certain behaviors, the improvement plans they spell out are spot on. But these are in the simpler and more discrete areas that can be most tightly controlled by parents.

My most fundamental objection to how this book seeks to improve children's behavior, though, is the very tight control and oversight parents are supposed to have over their child's behavior initially. The idea is that the high level of control and oversight is to be gradually scaled back once the child starts to internalize the direction given by the parents. But, for me, that begs the question: how does a child learn *self* discipline when discipline is always externally imposed? If they are born with personalities that manifest certain executive skills deficits, will they truly be capable of internalizing and adopting these executive skills with repetitive training? Seems to me like saying you can train a genetically short child to become an NBA basketball player if you just work hard enough at it. Put another way, this book seems to suggest that all children are capable of mastering the full panoply of executive skills with the right training and practice. I hope this is true. It may be. I am just not convinced yet. ...more

5

Oct 07, 2015

Parenting is a project, and you're just not given all the skills you need to do the job. Complicating that? The fact that as those kids get older, they start needing help developing some particularly sophisticated (executive) skills. What's worse? We're not all rocking five-star perfection ourselves in the executive skills department as adults. Also: it's really (REALLY) hard to know sometimes just how well-developed these skills should be at any given time, or how to help coach them to have Parenting is a project, and you're just not given all the skills you need to do the job. Complicating that? The fact that as those kids get older, they start needing help developing some particularly sophisticated (executive) skills. What's worse? We're not all rocking five-star perfection ourselves in the executive skills department as adults. Also: it's really (REALLY) hard to know sometimes just how well-developed these skills should be at any given time, or how to help coach them to have those skills.

And while I wouldn't go so far as to say that this book changed all of that overnight for me and my kids... It has certainly given me an overflowing toolbox. In the three or so weeks it has taken me to read it, it has helped a lot. It pointed out some new strategies for how to talk to my kids, how to coach them through the moments when they're acting inappropriately, how to rehearse moments to prepare for them (never would have thought of that on my own!), and also when to (as the parent) chill out because a seven year old just isn't going to have that skill I'm apparently expecting.

Oh, and it's helped me see a few of my own short-comings, and how I can work on those skills with my kids.

Cannot recommend enough. I may need to buy a copy. ...more

5

Mar 08, 2018

As a typical parent of a teen, I try to get any help available so that my kids and I can survive this period relatively unscathed. And I, as many parents surely believe, seem to find greater potential in my kids than their achievements have to show so far (by that I don't mean that they should play the violin and fluently speak five languages for me to judge their performance adequate, but simply that they could for example do their homework more efficiently and have better grades with less As a typical parent of a teen, I try to get any help available so that my kids and I can survive this period relatively unscathed. And I, as many parents surely believe, seem to find greater potential in my kids than their achievements have to show so far (by that I don't mean that they should play the violin and fluently speak five languages for me to judge their performance adequate, but simply that they could for example do their homework more efficiently and have better grades with less effort, or manage their time in a way that will have benefits for themselves too).

Anyways, the book was nothing if not practically oriented, had a ton of examples for situations we all have stumbled upon at some points, and what is more important, excellent tools to tackle them. Obviously many of the solutions described seemed a bit idealistic - a teen is often an emotional mess and it's not always easy to approach him or her with logical proposals and strategies. Nonetheless, applying some of the techniques described does seem to work, and generally the book is extremely helpful, not only due to its abundance of practical advice, but also thanks to the insights it lends into the reasons for some behaviors that could otherwise be easily - and wrongly - ascribed to laziness or lack of intelligence.

Last, but not least, I had to turn a critical eye on my personal executive abilities, for which, I am afraid, there is a vast room for improvement. It will be a joint journey, for me and my kids, and hopefully we'll all come out of it with all the skills required to reach our potential. It's never too late to achieve greatness! ...more

3

Feb 06, 2012

At what point do you take something off your "currently reading" list and mark it "read"? I finally decided to after not picking this up for over a year! My pediatrician highly recommended it, but it wasn't as helpful to me as I'd hoped.

I'm pretty organized and logical myself, but *I* felt scattered as I read this book. Don't get me wrong, it has a lot of great elements. I just think many of us parents with ADHD kids already feel pretty overwhelmed with the daily issues we have to deal with. A At what point do you take something off your "currently reading" list and mark it "read"? I finally decided to after not picking this up for over a year! My pediatrician highly recommended it, but it wasn't as helpful to me as I'd hoped.

I'm pretty organized and logical myself, but *I* felt scattered as I read this book. Don't get me wrong, it has a lot of great elements. I just think many of us parents with ADHD kids already feel pretty overwhelmed with the daily issues we have to deal with. A book that feels (to me, anyway) like it complicates things is not really helpful.

I may just have to flip through the book and pull put the things (worksheets, etc.) that are most applicable to my child and not try to digest this book as a whole. ...more

4

Apr 19, 2011

I didn't actually finish reading through all the techniques and examples at the end of the book, but I did read most of them. I'm going to call this one finished and use it as a reference as I need to.

This book really opened my eyes about how to deal with my daughter, who is NOT ADHD. I realized that I had been setting unrealistic expectations for her. Unfortunately, we have similar weaknesses, which makes me a sometimes ineffective coach. However, even realizing that has helped us find coping I didn't actually finish reading through all the techniques and examples at the end of the book, but I did read most of them. I'm going to call this one finished and use it as a reference as I need to.

This book really opened my eyes about how to deal with my daughter, who is NOT ADHD. I realized that I had been setting unrealistic expectations for her. Unfortunately, we have similar weaknesses, which makes me a sometimes ineffective coach. However, even realizing that has helped us find coping and scaffolding approaches which will work. For example, instead of an elaborate rewards chart which requires more commitment and consistency than I can give, we started a Hogwarts-esque system for both kids with jars and glass beads (although we never take points or "jewels" away for bad behavior). This has given us the flexibile and yet tangible way of recognizing good behavior and improvements for whatever it is that we are working on or that we notice.

This book also gave me a terminology, such as "scaffolding" to provide temporary support for new behaviors, which I can use with her teachers.

It's a work in progress and I'm frankly not sure if the techniques of the book have been as helpful as the fact that she is just getting older and more capable, but by changing my expectations and understanding of how to be an effective coach and teacher has made a world of difference in my satisfaction. ...more

4

Mar 31, 2013

How is it that all the good parenting books have to point out all that dysfunctional with the parents first!!??!! After I fix all my executive function weakness maybe I can be a more perfect parent-bah hahaha. Actually it's pretty good, lots of examples and strategies, helps break down the different exec functions and how they help and hinder and how to strengthen the weak ones.

4

Nov 29, 2012

Got this book to help my son with his organizational skills. The best part of the book for me was that the author broke apart the executive functioning skills into deeper categories; time management, working memory, emotional control, these were just a few of them. There were checklists to determine which of the categories you (or your child) were weakest or strongest for you.
It seemed that my son had 3 categories that were the weakest: I plan on working on those more.

Some of the ideas and Got this book to help my son with his organizational skills. The best part of the book for me was that the author broke apart the executive functioning skills into deeper categories; time management, working memory, emotional control, these were just a few of them. There were checklists to determine which of the categories you (or your child) were weakest or strongest for you.
It seemed that my son had 3 categories that were the weakest: I plan on working on those more.

Some of the ideas and strategies that they recommended were very common sense strategies. For example, making sure you are breaking apart directions. For those of us with special needs children, we are already doing many of these things. However, I would still recommend this book. It is more useful than not.

I will keep this book as a reference. I did really like all the checklists and forms they had. I plan on using the checklists, especially the one for cleaning your room. ...more

4

Apr 05, 2013

I would recommend this book for all parents. The scope is much broader than the title and blurb imply. The book covers ages 4-14 and covers many different situations, such as behavior during play dates, getting along with siblings, overcoming anxieties, getting dressed independently, time management for long-term projects, and many more. The strategies are not just for children with an attention deficit.

I already owned the Audible version of this book, but I purchased the softcover version too I would recommend this book for all parents. The scope is much broader than the title and blurb imply. The book covers ages 4-14 and covers many different situations, such as behavior during play dates, getting along with siblings, overcoming anxieties, getting dressed independently, time management for long-term projects, and many more. The strategies are not just for children with an attention deficit.

I already owned the Audible version of this book, but I purchased the softcover version too for two reasons: (1) I liked it so much and (2) the organization of the book does not lend itself to an audiobook. There are questionnaires, example charts, and outlines, and there is a lot of cross-referencing between the chapters. This book falls just short of having a flowchart for being a parent in general. As a visual learner, I am very impressed with it.

The authors provide a general strategy. Then, for each executive skill, they provide several specific case examples, and they break down each example, showing how the problem and proposed solution fit into the steps of the general strategy.

Don't let the beginning of the book put you off. It begins like a textbook for a developmental psychology course. However, the later chapters are more parent oriented. Parents, just skip the beginning and use the cross referencing to leap to the chapters that address your most urgent concerns. ...more

4

Oct 07, 2017

Very helpful book in re-framing what I think I see and hear from my child. That is, it encouraged me to set aside the motives I often assume are behind many of my child's behaviors and see that maybe most of those behaviors are something entirely different than what I had judged them to be..

This is really a book I need to buy instead of checking it out from the library, so I can write in it and make more prolonged use of a lot of the information. The book offers “tests” to analyze what are the Very helpful book in re-framing what I think I see and hear from my child. That is, it encouraged me to set aside the motives I often assume are behind many of my child's behaviors and see that maybe most of those behaviors are something entirely different than what I had judged them to be..

This is really a book I need to buy instead of checking it out from the library, so I can write in it and make more prolonged use of a lot of the information. The book offers “tests” to analyze what are the strongest and weakest “executive skills” of your child, and then offers ideas of how to strengthen weak skills. The parents reading this book can also take these tests. Maybe you will find out that the child's weakness is just like yours, and the two of you can work on improving it together. Or, you may find you have opposite strengths, which likely will drive each other crazy, but seeing this new way of framing the problem will likely make it easier for you while you work through the process of improving.


If the titles of any of these chapters sound like something you want to learn, you will probably like this book:

Chapters:
PART I:
How Did Such a Smart Kid End Up So Scattered?
Identifying Your Child's Strenghts and Weaknesses
How Your Own Executive Skill Strengths and Weaknesses Matter
Matching the Child to the Task

PART II:
Ten Principles for Improving Your Child's Executive Skills
Modifying the Environment: A is for Antecedent
Teaching Executive Skills Directly: B is for Behavior
Motivating Your Child to Learn to Use Executive Skills: C is for Consequence

PART III
Advance Organizer
Ready-Made Plans for Teaching You Child to Complete Daily Routines
Building Response Inhibition
Enhancing Working Memory
Improving Emotional Control
Strengthening Sustained Attention
Teaching Task Initiation
Promoting, Planning, and Prioritizing
Fostering Organization
Instilling Time Management
Encouraging Flexibility
Increasing Goal-Directed Persistence
Cultivating Metacognition
When What You Do Is Not Enough
Working with the School
What's Ahead?

...more

3

Nov 20, 2013

This book is geared primarily toward parents rather than teachers. I would love to see the authors write a teacher version of this that focuses on school situations. The concepts are transferable, of course, but it would be beneficial to discuss academic issues in terms of executive functioning. A worthwhile read for parents and teachers.

0

Mar 20, 2015

I listened to this and now my husband is reading it. I think this might be a book worth owning.

3

Nov 15, 2015

The main idea of the book is that children who don't turn in assignments, don't clean their rooms, lose their belongings, etc., often do so because they suffer from executive skills deficits. Consequently, telling them to try harder, yelling at them, punishing them, and so on simply won't work: the children don't have the skills to do what you're asking. You need to solve the problem by teaching the skills instead of just getting mad about the symptoms of the problem.

Unfortunately, the authors The main idea of the book is that children who don't turn in assignments, don't clean their rooms, lose their belongings, etc., often do so because they suffer from executive skills deficits. Consequently, telling them to try harder, yelling at them, punishing them, and so on simply won't work: the children don't have the skills to do what you're asking. You need to solve the problem by teaching the skills instead of just getting mad about the symptoms of the problem.

Unfortunately, the authors fall prey to exactly the kind of thinking they warn the reader about. For example, when writing about kids who cry over little things (lack of the emotional regulation skill), they say:

"Let your child know that crying too much makes people disinclined to spend time with him or her. [...Tell them,] "When you use words, I'll listen and try to understand your feelings. If you start to cry, though, you're on your own. I'll either leave the room or ask you to go to your bedroom to finish crying.""

Really? A child is crying because they *don't have* the executive skills to express frustration and disappointment another way, and the plan is tell them that nobody likes them they way they are and then punish them by withholding affection? As it happens, I *was* one of those kids who cried a lot, and reading that section made me feel nauseated. Thank goodness my parents had some compassion, apparently unlike the authors.

In addition, the book is very repetitive and most of it is taken up by sample interventions. I would read parts 1 and 2 and skip the rest of the book, or only read chapters that address a skill you're really interested in helping your child improve. ...more

3

May 14, 2017

Lots of what is in this book I already knew, vaguely, and some of it I had already put into practise. However, it was helpful to get a more in depth look at different areas of executive functioning and understand the why and how of it a it better. There were also a few useful tips and interesting perspectives in there that might change how we see some of the difficulties kids have in these areas. The questionnaires, checklists and sample plans were fantastic concrete examples of how it might Lots of what is in this book I already knew, vaguely, and some of it I had already put into practise. However, it was helpful to get a more in depth look at different areas of executive functioning and understand the why and how of it a it better. There were also a few useful tips and interesting perspectives in there that might change how we see some of the difficulties kids have in these areas. The questionnaires, checklists and sample plans were fantastic concrete examples of how it might look to try to work on some of the ideas with your child. A little bit American in some ways that didn't really apply to me (mostly school system and homework differences) but on the whole I feel more confident to help my kids with this stuff. ...more

5

Feb 03, 2014

hands down the best parenting book I've ever read. realistic approach to teaching kids and preparing them for the future. everyone should read. what a great resource!!

3

Sep 06, 2013

Not just for kids with ADHD. There's some good information. A lot of good old fashioned common sense stuff. The true test is to see if I can integrate it into our routine

3

Dec 31, 2015

I had heard wonderful things about this book. Unfortunately, I found it underwhelming. My expectations were too high, I expect. The author makes very cogent and straightforward recommendations for parents to help guide their children in how the children can learn to manage the tasks in their lives (such as homework and chores). Everything Ms. Dawson recommends is logical and I believe her methods work. I just think they are extremely obvious.

5

May 01, 2011

I want to have children with terrible executive skills, just so I can use this book, it's that awesome.

Actually, it would be incredibly useful to anyone, even for adults trying to diagnose what they are missing.

There is even a section full of 'ready made plans for teaching various routines'. With checklists, step by step algorithms, and lots of adaptability. It's nice to have a book that has all that stuff, rather than being something like "theory of organization and parenting". Instead, it's I want to have children with terrible executive skills, just so I can use this book, it's that awesome.

Actually, it would be incredibly useful to anyone, even for adults trying to diagnose what they are missing.

There is even a section full of 'ready made plans for teaching various routines'. With checklists, step by step algorithms, and lots of adaptability. It's nice to have a book that has all that stuff, rather than being something like "theory of organization and parenting". Instead, it's like "do this. Because your child is unpredictable, and it may not work, here are alternatives" ...more

4

Mar 16, 2015

The insights in this book were really helpful. I always find I can be more encouraged when I have a framework to think about a difficulty. I daresay any teacher or parent of a school age child would benefit from reading about these differing developmental skills. I find it interesting that all of the reviews I have read all say something like 'great read: haven't implemented the strategies yet' I'm feeling overwhelmed at this point by the detail involved in addressing improvement in each skill. The insights in this book were really helpful. I always find I can be more encouraged when I have a framework to think about a difficulty. I daresay any teacher or parent of a school age child would benefit from reading about these differing developmental skills. I find it interesting that all of the reviews I have read all say something like 'great read: haven't implemented the strategies yet' I'm feeling overwhelmed at this point by the detail involved in addressing improvement in each skill. Another incentive plan? Sigh. Must be my own organizational executive skill weakness flaring up. ...more

0

Sep 14, 2017

I confessed that I skimmed the last few pages. This probably means that I need to work on my Sustained Attention in addition to Task Initiation and Time Management. Going to keep this one on the shelf as a reference because there are a couple of charts that I can use. It also never hurts to get the psychological basis behind a problem. Oh, and I may come back to the section on 504 plans and IEPs.

On the whole, the book was a bit overwhelming for me--so I guess I need to keep working on my I confessed that I skimmed the last few pages. This probably means that I need to work on my Sustained Attention in addition to Task Initiation and Time Management. Going to keep this one on the shelf as a reference because there are a couple of charts that I can use. It also never hurts to get the psychological basis behind a problem. Oh, and I may come back to the section on 504 plans and IEPs.

On the whole, the book was a bit overwhelming for me--so I guess I need to keep working on my Executive Skills, too. ...more

4

Dec 10, 2019

Useful tips. Hear to read through as it can all be a bit monotonous and a flood of information, but I know i will probably turn to it many times.

4

Nov 04, 2019

This book is a must-have if you work with children! There are so many practical tips for teaching children of all ages pre-school and up executive functioning skills.

4

Jul 20, 2019

I may need to acquire my own copy of this for the quick reference and worksheets. Definitely going on my "recommended to all parents" list. Section on "when to get outside help" was good but I wish more of that had been incorporated into the rest of the text. A few examples are a bit dated after only 10 years (IM, myspace, etc.). More to add after I look over my notes.

5

Mar 27, 2019

This book is fantastic. Very, very informative and helpful. I will say that it is a bit of a heavy read and I would have NEVER gotten through it without the audio as some of the sections feel a little like a textbook. But all of the content is so powerful in becoming a more attentive and forward focused parent that it is totally worth it. The book focuses on the executive functioning skills that we all develop from infancy through adulthood (think frontal lobe brain development) and how these This book is fantastic. Very, very informative and helpful. I will say that it is a bit of a heavy read and I would have NEVER gotten through it without the audio as some of the sections feel a little like a textbook. But all of the content is so powerful in becoming a more attentive and forward focused parent that it is totally worth it. The book focuses on the executive functioning skills that we all develop from infancy through adulthood (think frontal lobe brain development) and how these skills can support our success in life. There are a lot of real like examples that I could relate with regarding my children and it made me feel like maybe I wasn't the only one pulling my hair out. In addition, there are many actual solutions included! This was incredible! Having ____ problem with your child? Try this plan _____. It takes a lot of the guess work out of the problem and helps create a focus on solutions.

A couple of strong points I took from the book:

1. Take time to teach (coined from a parenting coach I love). We have to be engaged in our children's' learning and growth. If we take time to teach, we WILL make progress.

2. Find systems that the child can manage to solve problems - and include them in the discovery of the solution

3. Provide the minimum amount of support needed for the child. Read: stay engaged in helping them but let them be responsible

4. We often give up on systems and solutions because they don't solve problems fast enough. But some of these problems can take YEARS to work through. We need to stick at it and be consistent.

5. Executive functioning skills are baseline skills that we are necessary for success and are skills that we are all still developing. I was very enlightened by the executive areas I am really underdeveloped in. It helped make more sense of my world and why I continue to struggle with the same things in my life. Learning about these skills is an asset to EVERYONE.

The book focuses a lot on incentive based programs for children which I know some parents don't agree with. For the most part, it all resonated with me as I have found incentives very successful with my kids (and myself - paycheck anyone?). They have a lot of good ideas of how to implement these types of systems and also talk about moving from extrinsic motivation to intrinsic motivation as children develop in different areas.

I would recommend this book to parents and educators in a heartbeat! ...more

4

Feb 22, 2018

Not all parents will need a book like this. Many of you might have had parents who taught you these skills so you know how to teach them to your kids, or maybe your kids aren't, you know, so "scattered." Amazon recommended this book to me and the title sounded a lot like my 7-year-old, so I bought the hard copy (don't buy in Kindle version because there are a lot of worksheets and quizzes you'll want to have in print).

One of my favorite things about this book is that it begins with a quiz to Not all parents will need a book like this. Many of you might have had parents who taught you these skills so you know how to teach them to your kids, or maybe your kids aren't, you know, so "scattered." Amazon recommended this book to me and the title sounded a lot like my 7-year-old, so I bought the hard copy (don't buy in Kindle version because there are a lot of worksheets and quizzes you'll want to have in print).

One of my favorite things about this book is that it begins with a quiz to assess your child's executive skills: both strengths and weaknesses. I had been focusing on what my daughter CAN'T do, and her impulsive behavior, but I didn't think about the fact that she is highly organized and resourceful, and can pay attention to a task for a very long time (if she's into it). She can sit still a read for hours (literally), and she often does her math homework before we have to remind her. The quiz is broken out into different ages (from pre-K through middle school) so that you are looking for age-appropriate skills.

There is also a quiz for parents to take. The book points out that a lot of problems in the parent-child relationship can occur when there is a mis-match of skills. For example, if you are always in control of your emotions, it is harder to understand your child's emotional outbursts, and you may judge the child more harshly and/or not know how to help them. If you have similar weaknesses, this can also be a problem.

Right from the start, the book encourages parents to be open-minded about their children, and this helped me feel less frustrated and more accepting. I went through the rest of the book with a positive mindset: my child already has many important strengths, and I am here to help her build more skills so that she can reach her full potential. There are lots of charts and worksheets and ideas for motivating children to acquire the skills they need, and I am sure I will come back to this book many times over the next several years.

However, it's totally overwhelming to go through this whole book from start to finish, especially if your child has several skills to work on. I was finding it hard to finish this book or implement any of the recommendations in the book, because I was not sure where to start! ...more