3.90

3

Aug 03, 2013

A few months back I was approached by Howard Books to review Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World by Jill Rigby . I had just finished a bible study on parenting, so I was intrigued and wanted to continue this subject!

Jill Rigby has some wonderful points. For example, her comparison between Parent-Centered, Child-Centered and Character-Centered parenting. This is something that I find difficult to keep seperate, and find myself jumping into many different facets of each style. In A few months back I was approached by Howard Books to review Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World by Jill Rigby . I had just finished a bible study on parenting, so I was intrigued and wanted to continue this subject!

Jill Rigby has some wonderful points. For example, her comparison between Parent-Centered, Child-Centered and Character-Centered parenting. This is something that I find difficult to keep seperate, and find myself jumping into many different facets of each style. In Parent-Centered, the parent is concerned with molding the child into what they want them to be, in giving them the attributes (publicly) that they want. In Child-Centered, they are giving the child what THEY want. (I have a good friend who is strongly Child-Centered in her parenting, and it's very interesting to see the negative effects of this, especially after having read this book.) Then there is Character-Centered, which seems the obvious answer. Teaching your child to have good character, both privately and publicly. Doing what is right, versus what seems fun, or ideal at the time.

One that really resonated with me was her advice to "Cut out the Maybe" in your answers, and thus saving yourself a day (or even week) long battle. If your answer is yes, say yes. If it is no, say no. You often know in the moment your child asks which way you are going to sway, so save yourself the battle. This is something I am horribly guilty of!

That said? There was plenty I did not believe with her on, as is typically the case with these types of books. (I like to think I have a unique parenting style, and I try to base my decisions on what is best for my child specifically.) But she brings up the Harry Potter series as well, and one of my biggest pet peeves is bringing up that book in Parenting. Why? Because it's a fictional book. FICTION. Make Believe. Not Real. And I am a huge advocate for teaching my child the different between real and pretend - and thus? I strongly feel that the mention of such pretend, made up, fictional literature has no place in a parenting book. (I see that word and I shut down - much the same for many other Hollywood references.) Besides, I'm a book-nerd who has a very special place in my heart for Harry Potter and other like books! (Witches, Wizards, Vampires and Warewolfs are such a fun escape from day-to-day life where my neighbor is just your average annoying old man, and I'm busy running six different directions as I lead up a local moms group, and several activities at church. It's just fun to escape into those things, and I hate the idea of even pretending to deny my daughter that magical escape as well!)

She also talks about the difference between Self-Respect and Self-Esteem. Which to me, was a bit narcissistic. It felt like she was pushing for one or the other, while I see huge benefits to having BOTH in your daily life. Self-Esteem is important, especially in this day of bullying. However, Self-Respect is also important, and I think there needs to be a balance between the two, where the author was encouraging Self-Esteem over Self-Respect.


In the end? I enjoyed Raising Respectful Children, but I'm not sure I would recommend it for everyone. You'd have to be one of two people: Those who blindly follow, or those who read everything with a very subjective eye, and are not easily offended or swayed but open to reflecting on your parenting styles anyway. I found some helpful tips, and was able to re-revaluate a few of my weaker spots in parenting. But overall? Much of her advice just wasn't for my family.
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4

Feb 26, 2008

I think every person should read this not just if you have children. It really explains why society and kids are the way they are. I took away a lot of info for my own parenting. It's also awesome because the author was a single mom who did all this great parenting!

4

Jul 31, 2017

The more I think about this book, the more I like it. There are a lot of good parenting ideas. These are just some of the pearls of advice I gleaned from this book:

-be the person you want your child to become
-begin with the end in mind. What person do i want my child to become? Have a dream, define vision, and set small goals which will allow you to make measurable progress toward that dream
-keep my promises (avoid phrases like well see and ill think about it- be more clear and specific so i can The more I think about this book, the more I like it. There are a lot of good parenting ideas. These are just some of the pearls of advice I gleaned from this book:

-be the person you want your child to become
-begin with the end in mind. What person do i want my child to become? Have a dream, define vision, and set small goals which will allow you to make measurable progress toward that dream
-keep my promises (avoid phrases like “we’ll see” and “i’ll think about it”- be more clear and specific so i can keep my word
-have a daily schedule and stick with it
-tweens need parents to be authentic and good listeners (aka put the phone down!)
-listen to my child with my 5 senses and my heart
-tell her no when no is better than yes
-speak in a firm voice without sarcasm
-say “I love you too much to allow you to...”
-don’t berate your child but correct the misdeed
-don’t lose your temper
-turn a negative situation into a positive one
-avoid perfectionism comments that sends the message that nothing less than perfect is of any value
-be the person i want my child to be (-Do i want my child to be the best she can be? Then expect nothing less of myself. do i want my child to respect my word? Then keep your word. do i want my child to tell the truth? Then always tell the truth. Don’t sugarcoat it or tell half truths. do i want my child to be unselfish? Then give generously to those in need. do i want my child to persevere? Then don’t give up when the going gets tough. do i want my child to be faithful? Then keep commitments. do i want my child to have self control? Then don’t lose my control. do i want my child to have patience? Then endure irritations with grace. do i want my child to respect others? Then show respect for others, beginning with my spouse.
-Being a parent coach means going out and doing the best with what god's given you
-If my child followed in my footsteps would she be going in the right direction?
- discipline changes an undesirable behavior, teaches a life lesson, or persuades children to think before they make a decision
-the harder parents try to demand respect from their children through punishment, the more resentment builds, which causes rebellion
-punishment for the sole purpose of forcing compliance will be ineffective. In order for rules to be effective, they need to be about teaching life lessons and not about maintaining control
-no means no
-i should make decisions for my life that reflect my belief system
-repetition- DRILL the appropriate behavior “give me 10 game”. The goal of discipline is not punishment but to change a behavior, so it can be fun sometimes

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1

Aug 24, 2007

This book was barely ok-could possibly be a primer for someone with absolutley no idea how to teach children respect-like, maybe people who do not have, or have spent no time with, or have never been, children. The author's advice was condescending much of the time, and did not enhance my parenting skills. My children were (are) already fairly respectful, compared to some children we have encountered. I was looking for a book to help me "take it to the next level" as a parent, and this book did This book was barely ok-could possibly be a primer for someone with absolutley no idea how to teach children respect-like, maybe people who do not have, or have spent no time with, or have never been, children. The author's advice was condescending much of the time, and did not enhance my parenting skills. My children were (are) already fairly respectful, compared to some children we have encountered. I was looking for a book to help me "take it to the next level" as a parent, and this book did not help.

There were serious issues with the author including her politics, fairly forthrightly (to the right). She names names when she feels like, but when talking about music labeling with parental advisories, she COMPLETELY leaves out Tipper Gore,a pioneer in the industry (and a left-winger). There was no reason to not even NAME Ms. Gore.

This book is for people who have no idea where to start in terms of teaching respect. If you are looking for a little extra help as you raise the bar, this is not it.

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5

Mar 05, 2014

I am so glad I found this book. I have 3 older children in their 20's and teens and needed some advice on how to teach my 7yo and how to reinforce to him th be polite. this book should be given to all new parents.

4

Jan 05, 2013

definitely recommend reading this book. Makes you see things that you may be doing that are NOT helping your kids and realizing what truly matters. Highly recommend for anyone raising kids. It's an ugly world out there and they need our guidance from the start.

5

Feb 08, 2015

Absolutely golden information! So well written with stories that are easy to relate to, by a woman who knows what she's talking about. I highly recommend for all parents, those who wish to be a parent, teachers, and child-rearers of all kinds. If more parents would read this and put it's principles to practice, I believe we would soon have a generation to be proud of.

5

Aug 02, 2013

I think Jill has correctly identified a problem with today's parenting in the emphasis on self-esteem in children. She presents a very good argument for the character damage that has been done. The book provides great suggestions for intentional parenting and character development. It is written from a Christian viewpoint, which I think is essential. You can see my complete review at http://bit.ly/13AX1gR.

5

Aug 06, 2013

Well being a parent does not come with a handbook. It should! I see so many children that do not understand manners and common courtesy anymore. This is not only something that we should be addressing but it helps make life easier for the child too. In raising my own daughter I always remembered that I was forming a future adult. Thus I knew I needed to give her the tools to be successful on her own one day. The biggest tool I know of is common respect. Giving it and accepting it too. I know Well being a parent does not come with a handbook. It should! I see so many children that do not understand manners and common courtesy anymore. This is not only something that we should be addressing but it helps make life easier for the child too. In raising my own daughter I always remembered that I was forming a future adult. Thus I knew I needed to give her the tools to be successful on her own one day. The biggest tool I know of is common respect. Giving it and accepting it too. I know that my niece was happy to see this book in her bag....she said so! ...more

3

Dec 03, 2011

Lots of good, practical advice in this book, but I don't agree with everything she says. Her conclusions about the Harry Potter series were based on reading one book and based on what she said, I am not even sure she read it. She seems to think that Harry's decisions are based on subjective morality. I totally disagree. The message of the books, in my opinion, is that love is more powerful than hate and doing the right thing often requires self sacrifice and great courage.
She also uses her books Lots of good, practical advice in this book, but I don't agree with everything she says. Her conclusions about the Harry Potter series were based on reading one book and based on what she said, I am not even sure she read it. She seems to think that Harry's decisions are based on subjective morality. I totally disagree. The message of the books, in my opinion, is that love is more powerful than hate and doing the right thing often requires self sacrifice and great courage.
She also uses her books as a platform to shame her ex-husband for leaving her. That doesn't seem very "respectful" to me. ...more

4

Dec 31, 2010

I wouldn't say there were any earth shattering revelations, but there were good reminders for parenting. Probably what I like most about this book is that the Christian author devoted each chapter to talking about the three stages of development (tykes/toddlers, tween, & teens), what they should learn/expectations, along with ideas of discipline for each age group. She supports love and logic discipline strategies. Beware, she take a very hard stance on young-adult children's literature, I wouldn't say there were any earth shattering revelations, but there were good reminders for parenting. Probably what I like most about this book is that the Christian author devoted each chapter to talking about the three stages of development (tykes/toddlers, tween, & teens), what they should learn/expectations, along with ideas of discipline for each age group. She supports love and logic discipline strategies. Beware, she take a very hard stance on young-adult children's literature, television viewing etc. ...more

3

Aug 01, 2010

Good book with practical ideas and suggestions on how to raise kids in our troubled world. Sometimes I don't know what i am looking for in a parenting book.....the "perfect" parenting book doesn't exist (just like the parents who read them). It is a lot of hit and miss, try and try again, see what works approach to raising kids. Like i said above, though, this book does give good ideas and discusses some "current" issues and shows parents that it is possible to raise respectful, grateful, loving Good book with practical ideas and suggestions on how to raise kids in our troubled world. Sometimes I don't know what i am looking for in a parenting book.....the "perfect" parenting book doesn't exist (just like the parents who read them). It is a lot of hit and miss, try and try again, see what works approach to raising kids. Like i said above, though, this book does give good ideas and discusses some "current" issues and shows parents that it is possible to raise respectful, grateful, loving and obedient kids (or at least, hopefully, they are (or can be) this way the majority of the time). ...more

5

Jul 31, 2013

Every parent should read this book! It is full of practical advice and wisdom, and is very well written.

Never heard of the term "aristobrat"? Read this book to make sure you aren't raising one!

Want to know the differences between parent-centered, child-centered, and character-centered parenting styles? This book defines all of those and more.

The author offers 36 ways on how to cultivate a house of respect, how to stress purpose and not performance with your children, how to raise grateful Every parent should read this book! It is full of practical advice and wisdom, and is very well written.

Never heard of the term "aristobrat"? Read this book to make sure you aren't raising one!

Want to know the differences between parent-centered, child-centered, and character-centered parenting styles? This book defines all of those and more.

The author offers 36 ways on how to cultivate a house of respect, how to stress purpose and not performance with your children, how to raise grateful children and more. This is one of the best parenting books I have read and I highly recommend it.
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5

Aug 16, 2013

Weve come to expect candor in a caring manner from Jill Rigby and she doesnt disappoint in her latest release Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World. She addresses the three parenting types, parent-centered, child-centered and character-centered.

Its easy to look around and see examples of parent-centered and child-centered parenting styles. Both types make me cringe for different reasons. What is not seen as often is character-centered parenting. Jill provides example after We’ve come to expect candor in a caring manner from Jill Rigby and she doesn’t disappoint in her latest release Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World. She addresses the three parenting types, parent-centered, child-centered and character-centered.

It’s easy to look around and see examples of parent-centered and child-centered parenting styles. Both types make me cringe for different reasons. What is not seen as often is character-centered parenting. Jill provides example after example of why it is so important to focus more on our children’s characters rather than their (or our) comfort.

This book not only makes a great read for parents, but it would make an awesome study for your small group or moms group. The chapters are short enough to be manageable yet long enough to get to the heart of the matter. In the back of the book is a small group study guide that is broken down into seven sessions. One of the other things I really like is the Must Read Books for Parents in Appendix D.

If you are struggling with your kiddos or even if you are not and just need affirmation that you are on the right path, pick up a copy of Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World. You and your children will benefit from it.

I received a copy of this book to facilitate my review. ...more

5

Aug 01, 2013

If this isn't a title that grabs you, I don't know what is! Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World was a book I knew I had to read immediately! In a world full of entitled children who have forgotten the difference between child and adult, I know I need to do everything I can to help my children become successful, respectful people.

This is one of those parenting books that as I'm reading I keep thinking "uh-oh, guilty as charged!" I know that like everyone, my parenting could use If this isn't a title that grabs you, I don't know what is! Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World was a book I knew I had to read immediately! In a world full of entitled children who have forgotten the difference between child and adult, I know I need to do everything I can to help my children become successful, respectful people.

This is one of those parenting books that as I'm reading I keep thinking "uh-oh, guilty as charged!" I know that like everyone, my parenting could use work. It's nice to have a fresh perspective and to read something new that I haven't heard a hundred times before.

Everything that Rigby wrote, spoke to me and makes complete sense. I started implementing some of her suggestions immediately and saw a difference in my kids within a day. For example, her emphasis on "let your yes be yes and your no be no" was something that needed work in my house. I say a lot of "maybe's" and "I'll think about it" to put my kids off but what they hear is "yes, ask me again later." If I really mean no, I need to say it. It's easier to fight the battle once the first time than several times throughout the day.

Kids today don't hear the word no enough and as a result, think they rule the world. They have turned into little dictator's who get whatever they want. But when we give our kids the world, we aren't teaching them to live in the real world.

Rigby has such a fresh perspective with helpful advice and encouragement in Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World and when put into practice, can be life changing. ...more

5

Jul 23, 2013

I have never been a parent before so all I know about parenting I know thanks to the examples that surround me, some of which are really more examples of what not to do. As I embark on my own parenthood journey I can't help but want to prepare as much as I possibly can. For me preparation equals obtaining lots of knowledge and figuring out what kind of people I want to raise.

I agree with so much the author writes in this book. I too have seen that many people and children today are complete and I have never been a parent before so all I know about parenting I know thanks to the examples that surround me, some of which are really more examples of what not to do. As I embark on my own parenthood journey I can't help but want to prepare as much as I possibly can. For me preparation equals obtaining lots of knowledge and figuring out what kind of people I want to raise.

I agree with so much the author writes in this book. I too have seen that many people and children today are complete and total narcissists filled with feelings of entitlement and that to me is incredibly wrong. A lot of that stems back to how people are being raised and so much of what "experts" claim is good for our children has done nothing but fuel the narcissism and entitlement. I want to raise a person who understands that everything is not all about them. I want a child who is grateful and who doesn't require material things in order to feel complete and "happy." The advice found within this book is advice that keeps the above in mind and help you to parent in such a way that this is possible.

What I love most about this book is that even though the author shares her Christian beliefs I really think that there is something for anyone who is or will be a parent despite their own religious belief. If you plan on having children or have children and you want to raise them to reach their fullest potential then I think you could really benefit from reading this book. I, for one, plan on referencing this book as I raise my own children. ...more

5

Aug 05, 2013

I am a 70 year old grandparent, who was stunned by the practical everyday advice which Jill Rigby lays out in this wonderful book. Jill writes from the perspective of first a single parent. Jill continues on after her marriage to: Nick Garner, but this is not a book about the parent/parents it is about parenting. This is the second edition of this book, the first being published in 2005.

The updated version is full of practical advise, this is not a research book to back up the author's point of I am a 70 year old grandparent, who was stunned by the practical everyday advice which Jill Rigby lays out in this wonderful book. Jill writes from the perspective of first a single parent. Jill continues on after her marriage to: Nick Garner, but this is not a book about the parent/parents it is about parenting. This is the second edition of this book, the first being published in 2005.

The updated version is full of practical advise, this is not a research book to back up the author's point of view. You either accept it or not. Jill points out early her keys for raising respectful children.

* Be the person you want your children to become.

* Abandon old notions of building self-esteem, and enroll your family in the School of Respect.

* Help your children find their purpose and use perseverance to fulfill that purpose.

* Use encouragement to motivate your' children, not praise.

* Set boundaries without building walls between you and your children.

* Use discipline to instill goodness in your children.

* Do all you can to protect and shield your children from the garbage of our culture.

* Engage your children in meaningful activities, not useless entertainment.

* Find contentment so your children can be filled with gratefulness.

* Listen with your heart to your children's needs.

Whew! Sorry but that is Jill's philosophy in a nut shell. She writes from a humble place, over the years I have witnessed many such young women with a heart for God and a realistic approach to life. Please consider this book if you long for that kind of home atmosphere. I was blessed by Howard Books with an early copy of this book which releases today across the U.S.A. ...more

5

Jul 30, 2013

Title: RAISING RESPECTFUL CHILDREN IN A DISRESPECTFUL WORLD
Author: Jill Rigby
Publisher: Howard: Simon & Schuster
August 2013
ISBN: 978-14767-1878-1
Genre: Parenting

This inspirational parenting guide offers proactive and positive steps to raising respectful, engaged, and grateful children.

In an effort to raise children with a healthy view of themselves, parents often focus on self-esteem rather than self-respect. And author Jill Rigby says theres a big difference. Its the difference between Title: RAISING RESPECTFUL CHILDREN IN A DISRESPECTFUL WORLD
Author: Jill Rigby
Publisher: Howard: Simon & Schuster
August 2013
ISBN: 978-14767-1878-1
Genre: Parenting

This inspirational parenting guide offers proactive and positive steps to raising respectful, engaged, and grateful children.

In an effort to raise children with a healthy view of themselves, parents often focus on self-esteem rather than self-respect. And author Jill Rigby says there’s a big difference. It’s the difference between self-centered and others-centered children, the difference between performance-driven and purpose-focused teenagers.

Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World examines three different styles of parenting—parent-centered, child-centered, and character-centered. Parent-centered parents are more concerned with their own agenda than their child’s best interest. Child-centered parents are more concerned with their child’s approval than their child’s well-being. Character-centered parents are more concerned with their child’s character than their child’s comfort. Drawing a distinction between performance and purpose, this book maintains that rather than focusing on what you want your child to do, you ask what you want your child to become. Finally, Rigby calls for parents to discipline (teach) their children rather than punish them.

With wisdom and insight, Jill Rigby shares age-appropriate ways to set boundaries with children without building walls of separation. Whether you’re parenting tots or teens, Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World offers valuable advice for cultivating a house of respect.

RAISING RESPECTFUL CHILDREN IN A DISRESPECTFUL WORLD is a book I wish I’d read when my adult son was a newborn. It highlights everything I did wrong with him—and everything I wish I would’ve done differently. I wish I could say it all turned out well—but we still battle, especially when he’s “it’s all about me” and angry when other people get recognition for their achievements and he doesn’t. I read through the book hoping for some guidance with him, but other than leaving my sarcasm behind and trying to encourage him to be responsible, there doesn’t seem much I can do.

However, I do have some children in the tweener age, and I need to start working now in certain areas to make sure they are respectful when they grow up. Such as asking before taking their brother’s cell phone or iPod; telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth; and not blaming others for your mistakes.

If you are a parent to a newborn – definitely pick up this book. If you have a strong-willed toddler who is screaming “no” at you, pick up this book. If you have kids in any other age group – up until the upper teens, you have hope. Pick up this book! I really wish I’d had read it years ago. Resources are included, reading guides, discussion questions, things to do with and for your child and more. Invaluable. $15.99. 305 pages.
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4

Aug 05, 2013

I received a copy of the newly released book Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World by family advocate, Jill Rigby, in return for my honest review of the book.

I wanted to review this book because I felt that it would give me some good insight into raising children today and what is wrong with our kids. I just retired from a position as Administrative Assistant to the Principal of a parochial high school. I worked there for ten years and saw a side of parenthood that I was not I received a copy of the newly released book Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World by family advocate, Jill Rigby, in return for my honest review of the book.

I wanted to review this book because I felt that it would give me some good insight into raising children today and what is wrong with our kids. I just retired from a position as Administrative Assistant to the Principal of a parochial high school. I worked there for ten years and saw a side of parenthood that I was not pleased to see. I wanted to know if I was wrong in my assessment of today’s children vs. parents.

Ms. Rigby gave great insight into why it seems that kids today are so rude, disrespectful and spoiled. I saw why some children never grow up and expect others to do everything for them, hand them money and take care of their responsibilities in order that they have more time for sports, social media, and selfish interests. My pet peeve was parents who regularly bring “forgotten” items to school for their poor, dear children. I even admonished a father after the fifth time he catered to the forgetfulness of his son, a junior in high school. I asked him how he expected his son to remember for himself when all he had to do was call dad on his (student’s) cell phone (which is totally against the school rules) to bail him out. How do parents who continually cater to their children’s whims, desires and demands expect them to grow up to be responsible adults? They blame society and “the times we live in” as the cause of it. Ms. Rigby shows just how this disrespectfulness and disregard for others becomes the norm of our children’s behavior today.

Too many parents choose to be their kid’s cheerleader. A child needs to know that some kids will be better at some things than he. Kids need to learn how to lose gracefully and not blame the coach, the other kids, the play director, or someone else just because they can’t always be first. We shouldn’t expect our kids to always be first. Someone has to lose.

I would love to see every parent of every student in my former school given a copy of this book. I’m sure they would recognize themselves and hopefully use Ms. Rigby’s ideas to change this behavior and start becoming parents instead of friends to their children. I would like to see parents make children take ownership of their undone homework, failed test scores and disrespectful behavior. If that would happen, I think their life at home and in school would be so much more acceptable and rewarding. I really liked the premise of this book and would highly recommend it to parents and teachers alike. These two groups need to start working together for the good of the children, instead of parents always taking the child’s side if problems arise in school.

Howard Books, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc., sent a free copy of this book in return for my honest review. The opinions expressed in this review are my own.

You can find this review on my blog at http://wp.me/p2pjIt-77. ...more

5

Aug 13, 2013

DISCLAIMER: I do not have children.


I chose to read this book because I have a deep seated fear that I will completely mess up being a parent.

I have babysat and my parents are still together, but my "parenting" knowledge is next to nothing. It is important to know how to hold, bathe, feed, burp, change diapers (very important), and how to tell the difference between a cry that says "I'm hungry" versus "I'm sick." I have all of that knowledge but still felt severely lacking in the knowledge of DISCLAIMER: I do not have children.


I chose to read this book because I have a deep seated fear that I will completely mess up being a parent.

I have babysat and my parents are still together, but my "parenting" knowledge is next to nothing. It is important to know how to hold, bathe, feed, burp, change diapers (very important), and how to tell the difference between a cry that says "I'm hungry" versus "I'm sick." I have all of that knowledge but still felt severely lacking in the knowledge of how to be the full time caregiver versus part time. I found out through reading this book that I have a natural gravitation towards child centered parenting. I knew that probably wasn't the best because I have felt very ineffectual in producing the expected results from this approach. I was being walked all over because I wanted to make every situation about what the child wants. It was extremely helpful to be able to read and understand the mistakes I have made so that when I am able to apply the knowledge with my own children I will have something to draw from. It's scary knowing someone will be totally dependent on me not only for physical needs but spiritual and emotional as well. Love isn't enough. Wanting to succeed isn't enough either. I really needed a crash course in examples of good parenting versus bad parenting. It is truly a delight to be around children who get proper parenting versus children who clearly are not having their needs met. This book does a really good job of giving examples of the result of bad parenting. It is so much easier to maintain good behavior versus trying to break bad behavior. That is why I knew I needed to start learning early before I had already made the mistakes and was trying to work my way out of them. I know it's not rocket science but just observing others going through the motions of taking care of a child can open your eyes to the effects it makes when a parent simply isn't parenting. I know there can be complications like there are 4 kids and the budget and the space really only allows for 2. Things happen, but that is something that should be thought about before its too late and a child exists that no one has time or money to care for. This book gives examples of how it doesn't take money to have a well behaved child. It takes time, love, and attention. A little TLC never hurt anyone. I applied a lot of the things in this book to my childhood and know that the most special moments I can remember were when I was given positive attention. Reading before bed, being told I was loved, getting a special note in my lunch. Don't get me wrong it was embarrassing to get a note in my lunch, but also very awesome. Something so small can really make a difference. I hope this book will be as helpful to others as I feel it was for me. I don't feel so anxious that I will make the wrong choices. All I really have to do is be conscious of if the choices are too imbalanced. If a situation is happening because it clearly benefits the parent and not the child they will know, and vice versa. Being a good parent doesn't come naturally but it can be learned. It is a conscious choice to do what is right, not just what makes the least waves. That is going to be a challenge for me, but if I put in the effort I feel that I can be successful!


I received a free copy of this book from Howard Books in exchange for an honest review. These opinions are my own.

http://northdnvrnonzombie.wordpress.c... ...more

5

Jul 22, 2013

Thanks to Howard Books, I was privileged to receive a copy of Jill Rigbys Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World to review. My take on the book? What a gem! I plan to re-read this book before school begins & then share it with everyone I can.

How can you tell if this book will benefit you?

Are you helping your children find their purpose & teaching them to persevere in fulfilling that purpose?
Can you set boundaries without building walls between you and your children?
Thanks to Howard Books, I was privileged to receive a copy of Jill Rigby’s Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World to review. My take on the book? What a gem! I plan to re-read this book before school begins & then share it with everyone I can.

How can you tell if this book will benefit you?

Are you helping your children find their purpose & teaching them to persevere in fulfilling that purpose?
Can you set boundaries without building walls between you and your children?
Are your methods of discipline instilling goodness in your children?
Are you doing all you can to protect & shield your children from the garbage of our culture?
Do you engage your children in meaningful activities?
Do you listen with your heart to your children’s needs?
Have you found contentment so your children can be filled with gratefulness?
Are you the person you want your children to become? Are you closer today than yesterday?

If you desire helpful hints and practical guidance in any of those areas, then you should read this book!

What this book taught me: There’s a big difference between Self-Esteem and Self-Respect. If we focus only on building self-esteem, we teach the kids in our care “to focus on themselves and how they feel and what they want . . . it encourages them to see everything as if looking into a mirror, so they grow up believing ‘it’s all about me.’ . . . They live by the motto ‘I want it, and I want it now.’ Kids with this attitude aren’t exhibiting self-confidence. They are experiencing self-conceit.”

“But when we help kids respect themselves, we teach them to focus on others, and how others feel and what others need. This perspective, in turn, leads children to see everything through a window, seeing their own images reflected against the world beyond the glass, rather than in a mirror, and to grow up believing ‘it’s more about others and less about me.’”

"Respect for ourselves guides our morals. Respect for others guides our manners" ~Laurence Sterne~

So, parents, are you ready to enroll in Jill’s School of Respect?

Jill’s book will lead you through the SOR’s 4 distinct stages, each with different Development Goals & Training Methods. During each stage kids have 2 critical Soul Questions which parents need to answer. Here’s a preview:

Stage 1: Birth to Age 2. Focus: Building Trust in Tots through Routine. (Soul Questions: Can I trust you? Who’s in charge?)

Sage 2: Age 3 to Age 5. Focus: Developing Security in Tykes through Recognition. (Soul Questions: Are you watching me? Who do I belong to?)

Stage 3: Age 6 to Age 12. Focus: Helping Tweens learn Obedience through Relationship. (Soul Questions: Do you really love me? Are you real?)

Stage 4: Age 13 to Age 19. Focus: Teaching Self-Respect through Responsibility. (Soul Questions: Who am I? Can I be in charge?)

Quick Tip for Fall: For a Pre-School or Kindergarten student who cries when leaving mom each morning, turn a photo of mom into a button that can be carried in his/her pocket.

GIVEAWAY: If you're reading this review before 7/30/13, you're just in time to enter a giveaway for a copy of this book. Follow this link to my blog Doorkeeper. ...more

2

Aug 18, 2008

This book is fairly basic: teach your kids please and thank you, don't give them everything they want whenever they want it, let them play, spend time with them, and don't lace their competitor's water with tranquilizers just so they can win the tennis match.

In other words--stuff your average parent should probably already know. The gray shaded pull boxes are a special condescension: they feature lists such as "classic toys"--you know, in case you weren't aware of the existence of blocks, jump This book is fairly basic: teach your kids please and thank you, don't give them everything they want whenever they want it, let them play, spend time with them, and don't lace their competitor's water with tranquilizers just so they can win the tennis match.

In other words--stuff your average parent should probably already know. The gray shaded pull boxes are a special condescension: they feature lists such as "classic toys"--you know, in case you weren't aware of the existence of blocks, jump ropes, Candy Land, and play-doh, and so you mistakenly though you had no choice but to strap your kid in front of the television all day. There's even an entire subsection entitled "Work on Jigsaw Puzzles Together." Do I really have to be told this? Does anyone? And if they do, are they likely to be reading parenting books?

Like so many parenting books for me, however, it did have this virtue: it reminded me of my own weak spots as a parent and will serve as at least a temporary kick in the pants to inspire me to work more on those areas for the sake of my children.

I did like the way she phrased the issue of respect: "We can't demand respect from our kids; we must command it. Respect is earned…If your attempts at discipline aren't working, chances are, your using punishment, not discipline. You are seeking to satisfy yourself, not train your child….Your children know your motives, even when you don't. If you want to know what your motive is…ask your kids; they can tell you. They see things as they are, not as we want them to be. Children know if your discipline is about you or them." A few of her suggestions may be practically useful, such as the "give me ten" rule (having your child repeat polite behavior/phrases ten times if s/he forgets to exhibit it as a way to make it easier to remember next time), although the number may be a bit excessive.

I didn't much like the way she kept using herself as an example of good parenting and other people as examples of bad parenting. At times, she's a little over the top for my style. She suggests leaving out breakable trinkets when the child is under 4 because it gives you an opportunity to teach them to do what they're told and not touch things. (In my estimation, there are plenty of opportunities to do that without having to fight that battle for countless hours a week; but maybe she had more instantly compliant children and never left them alone in a room.) She's a little overzealous about restricting kids reading material, to the point of suggesting Harry Potter is subversive because it teaches moral subjectivity. (I haven’t read them, and I suspect neither has she, so I can't make a counterargument, but the movies seem to promote absolute values such as courage, loyalty, and self-sacrifice.) She says you have to be careful if you don't know the "motives" of the write and since Rowling has kept her beliefs "private"…oooooh….beware. Is it possible that Rowling's "motive" is to tell a good story? I'm left with the impression one should only allow one's child to read C.S. Lewis and other Christian writers, whose motives are fully known. I believe in being aware of what my kids are reading and discussing it, but I don't think I'm going to directly forbid them from reading anything, unless it is outrageously inappropriate.

I'm skeptical of some of her statistics. Children watch an average of 43 hours of TV a week? Come on. That's 6 hours a day. They're in school or commuting 8, and they have to eat and sleep for about 10. That would mean that, on average, every single waking second outside of school is spent watching television. She makes the presumptive statement that video games, unlike board games, don't require thinking. Well, the games my preschooler plays do: they're teaching her letter sounds, how to recognize patterns, spelling, counting, basic addition, science facts, problem solving, and the like. And here's one I had to nix: teach your girls to "never pursue a boy." Yeah. Mine's only four right now, but I can tell she isn't going to be waiting quietly by the phone with her hands in her lap and her fingers crossed.
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2

Nov 12, 2017

Meh. Very self grandizing(sp?). She went on a lot of trips down memory lane and concluded that everyone should have a puzzle table, play specific games, etc. Everything else was common sense. Not a very helpful book.

4

Sep 27, 2017

This book was a big eye opener for me. Since starting the book I've changed just a few small things in my parenting and have noticed a big change in one of my child's behaviors. My middle child refuses to budge on anything which doesn't necessarily affect my feelings toward the book, just shows that all kids are different.

3

Mar 05, 2019

This book was just okay; not one that I would particularly recommend. I've never really had a thing for parenting books to begin with, but the title pulled me in. I have a very well-mannered son, but he also has some behaviors that I want to help him grow out of at a young age. However, I didn't get anything out of this book so I was left disappointed. Now, there was some good advice, but it was all common sense stuff that I'm already doing and I was hoping to find some new tips that could help This book was just okay; not one that I would particularly recommend. I've never really had a thing for parenting books to begin with, but the title pulled me in. I have a very well-mannered son, but he also has some behaviors that I want to help him grow out of at a young age. However, I didn't get anything out of this book so I was left disappointed. Now, there was some good advice, but it was all common sense stuff that I'm already doing and I was hoping to find some new tips that could help with someone of my son's behavior that I don't like. I didn't find that in this book. I was also distracted by how much emphasis the author put on religion and God. We don't practice religion in my house so that also kind of turned me off. ...more