4.28/5
Author: TRISTAN TAORMINO
Publication Date: May 1, 2008
Formats: PDF,Paperback,Kindle,Audible Audiobook,MP3 CD
Rating: 4.28/5 out of 3059
Publisher: Cleis Press
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Jul 10, 2011
May I start this review off with a somewhat snarky anecdote?May 20, 2008
Taormino provides a much-needed update to the subject. Unlike other authors who have tackled the subject of open relationships, Taormino makes the argument that polyamory can be non-sexual, and such relationships are as valid and important as those with a sexual component.Feb 16, 2009
Ive been waiting for this book for a decade!Dec 31, 2008
Basically the Strunk and White of polyamory. One of the best, most comprehensive guides to the topic, from all angles. Extraordinarily great advice, filled with real world experience, and extremely easy to read.Aug 30, 2014
This book is for anyone looking for ways to make their relationships stronger.Nov 26, 2011
This book spends enough time and energy talking about BDSM that I wouldn't be comfortable giving it to my parents. Which is too bad, because it's otherwise a pretty balanced discussion of how different nonmonogamous relationships function. (If you flip to the stats in the back you'll discover that about 60% of her interview sample self-identified as kinky, so it's not surprising that it keeps coming up. I guess that's one of the problems with snowball sampling.)Oct 15, 2011
I listened to this in audiobook format with my partner. It was a great experience and a great medium for discussion. Every time anything came up that sparked either of our interests, we would pause it and discuss the topic. This made for a pretty lengthy process but it was a very illuminating and beneficial experience for our relationship. We both identify as polyamourous and have since we began our relationship. It was great to see where our ideas of poly lined up, where they diverged and where I listened to this in audiobook format with my partner. It was a great experience and a great medium for discussion. Every time anything came up that sparked either of our interests, we would pause it and discuss the topic. This made for a pretty lengthy process but it was a very illuminating and beneficial experience for our relationship. We both identify as polyamourous and have since we began our relationship. It was great to see where our ideas of poly lined up, where they diverged and where they clashed.Aug 11, 2019
My first introduction to ethical non-monogamy was via the Han and Matt Know It All podcast, which unfortunately is no longer active, and I now also listen to Multiamory, which provides research-based relationship advice that mostly applies to both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. Both podcasts, when they bring up polyamory, focus almost entirely on the emotional aspects of loving multiple people, so I was a bit thrown for a loop with how much this book focuses on sex. In retrospect, My first introduction to ethical non-monogamy was via the Han and Matt Know It All podcast, which unfortunately is no longer active, and I now also listen to Multiamory, which provides research-based relationship advice that mostly applies to both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. Both podcasts, when they bring up polyamory, focus almost entirely on the emotional aspects of loving multiple people, so I was a bit thrown for a loop with how much this book focuses on sex. In retrospect, I should not be surprised, as Taormino is apparently a sex educator who typically writes more about porn, orgasms, and kinks than about non-monogamy. Although she does profile individuals who have multiple romantic partners, she spends way more time than I expected talking about BDSM and kinks and who's "playing" with whom and seems to primarily see non-monogamy as a way to fulfill sexual fantasies that your primary partners are unwilling to indulge in, and makes it almost a side note that sometimes people become committed to one another and end up in multiple long-term relationships.Mar 06, 2018
Although polyamory isnt a lifestyle Id pursue, I found this book very useful in outlining frameworks and tools and resources for people to navigate and design personal relationships that are bespoke to them, to truly feel fulfilled. This is especially important when it comes to co-parentingensuring that you provide a positive experience for your children despite not being in a nuclear family unit.Jun 22, 2012
Tristan Taormino is one of the most readable sexuality education authors out there, so this book fairly flew by. It's a pretty straightforward introduction to some of the variety of nonmonogamy that exists, with practical tips and strategies for navigating it. The sexual health chapter feels tossed-off, which is really surprising given Taormino's experience in the field, and there's some creeping ciscentrism in the categorisation, but overall it seems quite a useful guide.Aug 01, 2009
Hand down this is the best book out there on open relationships. It contains none of the arrogance of The Ethical Slut and none of the useless (to me) tantric and self-help babble of Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits. I don't want to define it by what it doesn't have, though, as the book is full of people telling their own stories about how they have made their relationships work. Tristan makes room for all sorts of relationship configurations, passing no judgment on any of them. She Hand down this is the best book out there on open relationships. It contains none of the arrogance of The Ethical Slut and none of the useless (to me) tantric and self-help babble of Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits. I don't want to define it by what it doesn't have, though, as the book is full of people telling their own stories about how they have made their relationships work. Tristan makes room for all sorts of relationship configurations, passing no judgment on any of them. She provides practical advice about everything from knowing your own boundaries to protection from STIs.Oct 18, 2016
I read most of this book before I was poly and it helped set some guidelines and asked questions that I thought I knew all the answers to.Jul 28, 2011
Working in the counseling profession, I wanted to learn/educate myself on the topic of open relationships (something I knew hardly anything about), so I decided to read this book. While it was challenging for me to wrap my head around some of the complex issues connected to the subject of open relationships, I found this book to be articulately well-written and informative. I learned quite a bit and it challenged me to examine negative assumptions (based on my ignorance) I previously held about Working in the counseling profession, I wanted to learn/educate myself on the topic of open relationships (something I knew hardly anything about), so I decided to read this book. While it was challenging for me to wrap my head around some of the complex issues connected to the subject of open relationships, I found this book to be articulately well-written and informative. I learned quite a bit and it challenged me to examine negative assumptions (based on my ignorance) I previously held about this particular subject. I still don't understand it completely, but this book helped me to know what it entails and how to help others (such as my clients) explore if it is a lifestyle they wish to pursue for themselves. Totally recommend this book to clinicians in the counseling field, as well as the everyday person who wants (or is curious about) open relationships. Having an open mind, however, is essential to reading this book. Prepare for your preconceived cultural perceptions of monogamy vs. nonmonogamy to be questioned, maybe even shattered.... ...moreJul 29, 2009
I recommend this book to anyone thinking of starting an open relationship or anyone that has been doing open relationships for years. It's interesting, to the point, and covers all kinds of relationships while encouraging the reader to find their boundaries and choose the kind of relationship that is right for them. This is not propaganda for polyamory!Jan 04, 2014
Ultimately, this book is dated. Polyamory, as a general relationship model has progressed and an ethical foundation has been defined that is being adopted. This book is sort of training-wheel mode and I think could teach bad turns of thinking when applied to romantic relationships, rather than just erotic ones.Dec 30, 2018
Such a fascinating look at alternative lifestyles. I can barely handle one partner but the concept that one person doesn't have to be your everything is an interesting concept. Glad this book crossed my path.Feb 28, 2016
Admittedly, this review is quite possibly too too unfair. It just felt like the most fitting thing to do. So the thing is: There is something at once relieving and disappointing about books on polyamory. The relieving part is to come into contact with something else than the depressing realities of serial monogamy, to read stories of people who tried to be sincere with each, to read stories of many different ways of loving each other really (this is the strength of the book, it shows diversity Admittedly, this review is quite possibly too too unfair. It just felt like the most fitting thing to do. So the thing is: There is something at once relieving and disappointing about books on polyamory. The relieving part is to come into contact with something else than the depressing realities of serial monogamy, to read stories of people who tried to be sincere with each, to read stories of many different ways of loving each other really (this is the strength of the book, it shows diversity and that love can be many things). The disappointing thing is this general feeling of schematism, of overly self-conscious individual 'choosing' a way of life instead of life choosing them. You get the feeling that people who practice 'polyamory' are on some kind of identity building project, trying to make a philosophical point or wanting to find truth in a manual with tidy little labels for any kind of 'variety' of non-monogamy you desire. It's as if a bunch of sociologist came together and decided to love each other and then categorize everything they did. My soul is hurt a little bit every time a form of life like this is put into such tidy boxes. Can we not just accept the fact that serial monogamy is morally bankrupt, that monogamy is not a realistic option any more (if it ever was) and just take it from there ... Try to live in this world and love each other in a thousand ways without some sociologist's names. Where is fate, where is this thing called love that is not so much a choice as an abandon, something that takes me and which I can either embrace or betray? ...moreMar 24, 2009
If you're interested in starting an open relationship or simply want to know more about the subject this book is an excellent and exhaustive resource. I read The Ethical Slut a while back and found myself somewhat disappointed. That book has excellent commentary on what works for a small group of people. It talks about the pitfalls of compulsory monogamy and the right to chose an alternative style of relationship. However, it focuses entirely on polyamory and doesn't consider the wide range of If you're interested in starting an open relationship or simply want to know more about the subject this book is an excellent and exhaustive resource. I read The Ethical Slut a while back and found myself somewhat disappointed. That book has excellent commentary on what works for a small group of people. It talks about the pitfalls of compulsory monogamy and the right to chose an alternative style of relationship. However, it focuses entirely on polyamory and doesn't consider the wide range of experiences under the umbrella term "open." Here I felt that Tristan really covered an amazing amount of ground and did readers a great service by discussing each type of relationship including its benefits as well as possible problems. The checklists and sample questions are sure to open up a really thorough dialogue between partners. ...moreNov 22, 2010
wow! this book is fabulous. part workbook, part support, part sociological review - it's friendly, very approachable, and exceptionally clear. this is the one book I'd suggest to anyone considering open relationships, polyamory, or even just to folks who are looking to build relationships on their own terms. the clarity and organization of Taormino's prose carry a reader steadily through a wide range of ideas, suggestions, and considerations. it's useful as a whole book or in chunks.May 31, 2016
I love this book that is full of real life stories of people in open relationships, and the different ways they handle them. It's not always pretty, but no relationship is always pretty, and I appreciate the work these people do to have more love in their lives.Sep 22, 2009
O hay, book I wish I had read several months before I finally got around to it. A lot of good insight in here for anyone who thinks monogamy might not be the thing for him or her. This book, unlike many others on the subject, gives a fairly balanced perspective on various types of arrangements, and is also notably GLBT inclusive.Dec 06, 2008
What a relief! Every kind of love is real. This book was like being pet on the head by an understanding grown-up who says, yes, it's ok to want what you want, now let's talk about how to make it work. Thanks, Tristan. So relaxing!Apr 24, 2009
The best book on polyamory and how to do it that I've read so far. My only fault would be that I would have liked more on relationship transitions, break-up kind of stuff. Otherwise totally excellent!Feb 05, 2015
This was an invaluable resource to my partner and I, starting out with poly four years ago.Feb 21, 2009
Not just for open relationships. Good general information to help you communicate with people you love. (but also a great diversity of stories from alternative relationships)Take your time and choose the perfect book.
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