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1

Aug 19, 2011

The year was 2008. It was a fair year. The Olympics were held in Beijing and Michael Phelps became an international celebrity. The Indian Space Research Station has a win with Chandrayaan-1 whilst elephants and terrorists rampage across the country killing many hundreds of people. President Obama is elected into office. Fidel Castro resigns. Theoneste Bagosore is convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment in Rowanda for genocide. Israel and Hamas fight...again...

And a young, naive woman is The year was 2008. It was a fair year. The Olympics were held in Beijing and Michael Phelps became an international celebrity. The Indian Space Research Station has a win with Chandrayaan-1 whilst elephants and terrorists rampage across the country killing many hundreds of people. President Obama is elected into office. Fidel Castro resigns. Theoneste Bagosore is convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment in Rowanda for genocide. Israel and Hamas fight...again...

And a young, naive woman is pregnant with her first child.

She is unsure, lacks confidence and wants to be certain she does the best job for her unborn child. Yet there are a great deal of books, resources and information - which ones to start with? Which ones to trust?

So she turns to older, more experienced mothers who all but thrust this book into her hands and begin making the promises.

Your child will sleep through the night at eight weeks if you follow this book.

You won't have breastfeeding issues.

Your child will be settled and happy.

You will be a good mother.

The book is full of advice. Not just advice, but research! Science! It must be right!

It all makes sense now. Parenting will be a breeze. The book has told her everything she needs to know.

Don't trust your instincts, it said. That way leads to folly, trust us instead!

Your baby will cry, but mostly this will be to manipulate you. You must be firm, even if you want to give it a cuddle, this will only let the baby win. Don't give up and comfort it, stay strong and it will learn to self settle! Routine, routine, routine, that is the only way to go! Feed every four hours - hold out until then so that they're REALLY hungry and have a full feed.

It makes statements like:

There's no evidence to suggest that crying is bad for babies.
It's actually good for babies to cry for a period of time every day - it's natural.
Don't cosleep. Mother's don't get enough rest with cosleeping.
Children must sleep in their own rooms.
Attachment Parenting is misguided and results in exhausted/poor mothering.

November arrives and her child is born.

She tries. Lord knows, she tries. But he won't stop crying, screaming, with a red face and tiny little hands bawled into tiny little fists. People tell her he is hungry and should be fed. She can't see it. They must be wrong. Babywise had told her that he needed to feed every four hours. Demand feeding would destroy breastfeeding, spoil him and have him feeding from her constantly until he controlled her completely.

Despite having a natural, drug-free, complication-free birth, they keep her in hospital for five days, refusing to let her go home because she is clearly depressed, not coping and struggling to care for her newborn who begins losing weight, cries inconsolably and struggles to settle. Her breastmilk doesn't come in for five days.

Eventually she signs herself out of the hospital. It must be the hospital's fault. That's why the book's advice wasn't working. That's why he wants to be picked up all the time, won't sleep and won't feed properly. She'll be fine as long as she just goes home.

But things don't improve. Her breastmilk supply is limited, the baby restless. She and her husband spend countless nights pacing the halls trying to settle their little boy. They hold firm and don't bring him to bed with them despite their exhaustion, try not to spoil him, pick him up too much and give into his obviously stubborn, temperamental nature.

The mother slips further into depression, rarely looking into her son's face. Soon he stops looking into hers. When he's not crying, he sits cheerlessly and robotically on her lap while she ignores him.

"Spare the rod, spoil the child," she keeps reminding herself.

Eight weeks come and go. The baby cries all night still. The mother has failed. She is a wretched creature. A terrible mother. It was all a horrible mistake.

Maybe the book is wrong? Maybe she should feed whenever he cries? Maybe he could come into her bed occasionally?

Sometimes he pushes away from her, keeps his eyes averted, scrunches up his little face in anger, then he flips and clings to her, feeds constantly, wants to sleep only in her arms. The baby is so unsure in his attachment to his mother. He is a baby in distress.

"Oh no! The book was right all along! Attachment parenting isn't the answer!" she thinks. As a mother, she's failed again. She's failed her son again. Now thoroughly despairing, depressed, unconnected, she begins needing just one beer to make it through lunch time. Then she needs a beer to make it through to bedtime as well.

Eventually, help is sought. "Consistency," the midwife says after listening to the mother's distraught story. "You need rest. You need to refresh. He needs consistent, affectionate nurturing." The mother nods. The advice sounds good. "Stop looking to the clock to feed your baby. The clock doesn't need feeding."

A loose routine is hatched out, but the baby is to be fed when hungry. The baby is to be given rest, love and attention.

Slowly the months slip away. The baby learns to cuddle. The baby learns to laugh and giggle. The baby learns kisses and snuggles. The mother eventually gets better, begins enjoying parenthood. She learns to play with her child, interact with her child, enjoy her child.

She can see now what this book lacks. She sees that it is so concerned about structure and discipline and not love - the greatest Christian principle of them all. It pits mother and baby against each other in a nonexistent battle for control. Between the parent's needs and the child's needs. It is parent-focused with unbalanced, incomplete data and research. It provides no unbiased advice, advocates no nurturing, divorces mother and instinct.

The mother wants those first four months with her son back. She desperately wishes she could have them returned, change them, be the mother HE needed instead of the mother she was "educated" to be. She knows the Ezzos aren't entirely to blame. She's the one who chose to take their advice, to apply it, to lose faith in herself. But they are not innocent either.

They have published this book. The information is careless and their opinion is raised to that of gospel. Biblical references are twisted and garbled in order to fit the Ezzo's approach. Scientific research is cherry picked, or in some cases outright misleading.

At the end of the day, though, the mother has won. She gave birth to a second son. When he cries, he is comforted. When he is hungry, he is fed. He sleeps when he wants to and at night he cuddles up in his mother or father's arms, safe and sound. He looks into his mother's eyes and already tries to smile. He snuggles his head into her neck and gurgles when she presses kisses into his. She is happy. She is in love with her two boys. She is the mother she wants to be. It is nothing like what the Ezzo's wanted.

She likes it that way. ...more

4

Oct 09, 2007

Ok. I have TOTALLY held off on reviewing this book because of the stone throwing that might ensue. People either love this book or they hate it. But call me a glutton for punishment...I'm going to tell you that this book saved me! And I mean really! I honestly wish someone would have tackled me and made me read it when I was a mom with only one child. Although, honestly, I'm not sure it would have solved the sleep issues and colic that my first son had. But I read this book before I had my third Ok. I have TOTALLY held off on reviewing this book because of the stone throwing that might ensue. People either love this book or they hate it. But call me a glutton for punishment...I'm going to tell you that this book saved me! And I mean really! I honestly wish someone would have tackled me and made me read it when I was a mom with only one child. Although, honestly, I'm not sure it would have solved the sleep issues and colic that my first son had. But I read this book before I had my third child and it made a HUGE difference! Now I don't think that only one way will work for every child because I've learned the hard way that just isn't so. Nor do I like extreme techniques. But taking it all in moderation...the thing I learned (and still remember from the book) and used with my 3rd & 4th child are these:

The first thing you teach your child is how to eat and sleep. Many people (and I know I didn't think like this before) don't consider that those skills are taught because they are so innate. But the sleep patterns we teach our baby is what they get used to. What's the pattern? It is that they eat, stay awake, and then sleep. They never eat to go to sleep or they will always need eating to go to sleep (If that works for you then of course keep doing it...but it didn't work for me). I worked really hard (especially once they were two months old) to teach my children to stay awake. I'd change their diaper midway through so they would wake up and finish eating a full meal. The benefit of them staying awake is that they don't wake up hungry an hour later. Eventually, they never fell asleep as they were eating.

The other thing I learned is that babies can learn to go to sleep on their own without any props (being fed, rocking, bouncing, etc.) A baby can learn to comfort his/herself and learn to go to sleep on their own. I can't tell you how many times I would bounce my first child to sleep and try to carefully move him to his crib only to have him wake up and refuse to sleep again. Then I would carry them for the whole day and feel like a failure because I couldn't get anything else done. With my 3rd child, I would lay her down in her bed when she was tired but still awake. And she slowly learned to go to sleep on her own. I didn't let her scream and scream. I would walk back in to comfort her but not pick her up. And it did pay off. Eventually, I could lay her down and walk away and she would go to sleep. And it was heavenly. And it was easy for my husband and babysitters to do this too. It doesn't seem to work the first two months but if you keep trying the general pattern it does work eventually.

The last thing I learned is this. Feed your child regularly in the day. If you feed them every 2 or 3 hours (depending on what their needs are) in the day, they will not need to eat as much at night. They will be too full from eating in the daytime. I didn't let them sleep through their next feeding in the day because I wanted them to be able to sleep at night. And for me it totally worked. She was sleeping 8 hours at night very quickly. Since I was breastfeeding exclusively, the benefit of the schedule was that I could count when she was on a 3 hour schedule, when I would be feeding her and know what time I could take a break that night. I'd count 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm ...and know that at 7:20pm I could go out with my husband and not need to be back till 10pm. That was comforting for me because I knew that if she started crying...it probably wasn't because she was hungry.

Anyway, it helped me in those ways. And I share it in case it may be helpful for you. :-) But use your mom instincts they will tell you what is best for you and your baby! ...more

1

Jul 22, 2007

Utterly appalling. The American Academy of Paediatrics has called for this book to be banned. If you are thinking of reading this book or using Ezzo's methods, please go here first:

http://www.ezzo.info/

I found this book in a secondhand shop and after hearing so many things online about it (ranging from "it is wonderful and I converted to Christianity because of it" to "Gary Ezzo should be locked up") I bought it for, I think $1. It is a "parenting manual" that defies description - making Utterly appalling. The American Academy of Paediatrics has called for this book to be banned. If you are thinking of reading this book or using Ezzo's methods, please go here first:

http://www.ezzo.info/

I found this book in a secondhand shop and after hearing so many things online about it (ranging from "it is wonderful and I converted to Christianity because of it" to "Gary Ezzo should be locked up") I bought it for, I think $1. It is a "parenting manual" that defies description - making recommendations that no family physicians or paediatricians (not to mention theologians) seem to support. I can see the appeal of it - "training up a child" to be a good obedient Christian and so on - and there is nothing more seductive to a new parent of the promise of a good night's sleep - but the methods outlined in the book go against all mainstream medical advice, not to mention common sense. Babies in the United States have developed a serious condition called Failure To Thrive (basically not gaining weight at a rate that supports healthy growth, and not meeting age appropriate developmental and emotional milestones) after their parents have followed the methods outlined in this book (very rigid scheduled feeding, lack of comforting, very little physical stimulus, etc). Please be wary of this book and the Ezzo franchise. ...more

1

Jan 07, 2008

I was going to borrow this book, but mysteriously, everyone I know who used to own a copy chucked it into their trashcan and had nothing to let me borrow. I decided to read the library's copy and find out if it was as useless as I had heard.
As a general review: BabyWise inspires extremism. You either assume they are crazy and you do whatever you darn well want to or you assume they are geniuses and you believe every word. These are both dangerous schools of thought. The book starts out with some I was going to borrow this book, but mysteriously, everyone I know who used to own a copy chucked it into their trashcan and had nothing to let me borrow. I decided to read the library's copy and find out if it was as useless as I had heard.
As a general review: BabyWise inspires extremism. You either assume they are crazy and you do whatever you darn well want to or you assume they are geniuses and you believe every word. These are both dangerous schools of thought. The book starts out with some genuinely useful principles for new parents: 1) Babies function best within the workings of a family, not as the center of the universe. 2) New parents could easily overlook their marriage with a new baby in the house, and that’s not cool because children need the stability of knowing that their parents love each other and value their relationship as a top priority. These principles are generally reasonable and a good reminder for new parents. But then the book offers advice on how to put the principles into practice and the advice has nothing to do with the principles.
BabyWise purports its program as a happy medium between the 2 extremes of parenting philosophies. Extreme #1 is reported as Attachment Theory, which they describe as follows: your baby is completely in charge. Parents have no ability to make decisions… that new baby rules the home. They must be held every single second they want to be held and fed every time they want to eat. It actually says more than once that this theory expects parents to feed their kids as often as every 20 minutes… you get the idea. This is a completely distorted and extremist view of Attachment Theory, which really just states that babies are trustworthy to know what they need and that especially when they are very young, if they seem upset, there is something upsetting them and it’s worth looking into instead of blowing off your child’s needs and assuming they are just being controlling and ruining your life.
Extreme #2 was clock-ruled parenting and is presented by the BabyWise book as follows: schedule, schedule… RIGID schedule. If your kid ate at 8am and was put down for a nap, they can’t possibly need anything from you until 11am, so don’t touch them, talk to them, or help them AT ALL. The clock is in charge, and you must be available again at 11am.
The BabyWise program describes itself as a happy medium between these extremes that puts the parent (not the baby or the clock) in the driver's seat. You use a schedule, but instead of being ruled by the clock, you assess your baby’s needs and take them into consideration. It sounds good until the major rub occurs: BabyWise claims that ALL babies should be sleeping through the night by such-and-such an age (defined as 7-8 hours of sleep) or you are parenting them badly. Talk about pressure on new parents! It really just becomes a third extreme. Forcing my child to sleep all night before they are ready (by ignoring them when they cry) makes sleep the most important priority of parenting, and doesn't even do it well!
If you ignore the “make your child sleep and ignore them if they cry during the night” fiasco, there was a small bit of decent information in the rest of the book, especially the multiples chapter (I have twins) which was written by a invited author, a pediatrician and mother of triplets, twins, and 4 singleton children) not the BabyWise authors.

Bottom line: BabyWise could be useful if you have enough confidence in yourself to know where they are full of crap (the research listed is only sometimes actual research and is sketchily presented… they only report studies that support what they have to say, so they only have a few studies to report from. It’s rather shady). I don’t recommend it for brand new parents because it adds too much stress in areas that your kids might not “perform” up to the designated standards. However, I recommend the multiples chapter to every new parent of multiples! ...more

4

Aug 31, 2008

I know some people don't like the author or his ideas, but I found them lifesaving with our first baby. I saw how effective these methods were for my best friend, so I was very interested in reading this book for myself.

We started Babywise with Lily when she was two weeks old--basically, we started giving her life a consistent pattern of feeding, having waketime, then napping. The big difference between this and the way that most babies naturally operate is that babies like to fall asleep I know some people don't like the author or his ideas, but I found them lifesaving with our first baby. I saw how effective these methods were for my best friend, so I was very interested in reading this book for myself.

We started Babywise with Lily when she was two weeks old--basically, we started giving her life a consistent pattern of feeding, having waketime, then napping. The big difference between this and the way that most babies naturally operate is that babies like to fall asleep eating. The problem is that they often don't take a full feeding and end up snacking all day. So, you feed your baby when she's hungry (generally every 2.5-3 hours at first, though you adjust to your baby), keep her awake through the whole feeding (it gets easier after the first couple of weeks), play with her and have good "wake time," and then put her down for a nap. This regulates the baby's rhythms and worked really well with our first baby. We are doing the same thing with our second baby, Jack, and it's working again. This means sometimes I'll put him down and he'll cry for a few minutes before he falls asleep. But I know from experience with Lily that learning to sleep is something he's got to learn and will serve him very well. Three weeks in, we still have a ways to go on napping, but the night pattern is going great. I feed him and he goes right back to sleep.

Like any parenting book, you want to tweak it or just use what works for you and your family. It's not going to work for everyone, especially if you are into attachment parenting; it's just a different philosophy. For us,the rhythm that this style of parenting affords to a family is good for everyone's mental health and makes me feel like I have a regular routine I can work with. That has been extremely helpful. ...more

1

Jun 04, 2008

Seems like everyone loves this book. Here's what I thought(good stuff first):
- I liked that they emphasized the importance of a stable and well nurtured relationship between spouses as a healthy environment and support for the children
- I liked their idea of trying to establish a routine of eat/wake/nap time (mainly because that's how I do it at day care, and it flatters my ego to think people write books about the very thing I figured out on my own. Ha!)
- I liked their mentioning of trying to Seems like everyone loves this book. Here's what I thought(good stuff first):
- I liked that they emphasized the importance of a stable and well nurtured relationship between spouses as a healthy environment and support for the children
- I liked their idea of trying to establish a routine of eat/wake/nap time (mainly because that's how I do it at day care, and it flatters my ego to think people write books about the very thing I figured out on my own. Ha!)
- I liked their mentioning of trying to push for/establish a good/full meal at each feeding and proper growth charts

Here's what I don't like:
- very little solid research/professional evidence of their theories besides the loud opinions of the writers. They declare all kinds of things as fact without any proof. Not professional AT ALL!!!
- the simplistic and uneducated tone of the book as if they write to an audience they consider a little dumb
- the assumption that baby needs to fit into the family as it is, and the family shouldn't have to change because of baby. Well, I believe in sacrifices and selflessness, and just as adjustments have to be made when entering a marriage from single life, some sacrifices and adjustments have to be made when a child is invited into the family. That's the real "give and take" to me, though clearly rules and boundaries have to be established depending on the maturity and understanding of all parties involved. A newborn baby is hardly at fault for coming into the world and having needs.
- contradictory statements - and quite a few of them.
- pathetic fictional case scenarios (Chelsea and Marisa)
- presenting themselves as the great alternative, while showing that they are the opposite of attachment-theory parenting (which would put them on the other end of extreme if they are the opposite of one extreme...)
- their constant dissing of attachment-theory, which they didn't even prove AT ALL in the book as inefficient.Instead they just made up a fictional scenario where this theory fails. I've seen it applied and succeed as much as I've seen kids on routines (with methods from their book) fail in being happy, content, independent and secure. I'd rather see some proof how this theory is specifically failing.
- the assumption that any approach that differs from their's is no good, that anyone who doesn't push for independence is doing their child a complete disfavor, and claiming (more or less) that other nations in less developed countries are handling things no different, and if they do only because they must (not because it's maybe possible to be extremely nurturing and STILL raise a functional, happy, secure, content child).
- While they do mention that you should respond to hunger cues of your child, and figure out if something is wrong if your child is hungry every 20 minutes, this point is not very clearly made, and rather nebulous amongst their routine feeding suggestions. For the brain-dead parent, this could lead to a malnourished baby if someone doesn't realize that no matter what they have to respond to a hungry baby
- Lastly, I also found the set-up of the book pretty disorderly.

Overall, I'd say it had a few good ideas, but all in all not a very professional or credible source to me. ...more

3

Jul 17, 2009

People either love this book or loathe it. I am right in the middle, I guess. I liked it. I don't get it when people are like, "Oh, this book pushes extremes! The people don't even have credentials! It's child abuse!" Um, what are they talking about? For one thing, I'm pretty sure that being a PEDIATRICIAN is a decent credential for writing a baby book (much more so than being a mom with an opinion based on your kids or a nice lady who did a bunch of research before she wrote it up, but maybe People either love this book or loathe it. I am right in the middle, I guess. I liked it. I don't get it when people are like, "Oh, this book pushes extremes! The people don't even have credentials! It's child abuse!" Um, what are they talking about? For one thing, I'm pretty sure that being a PEDIATRICIAN is a decent credential for writing a baby book (much more so than being a mom with an opinion based on your kids or a nice lady who did a bunch of research before she wrote it up, but maybe that's just me). And, if you're going to extremes and neglecting or keeping your kids on a rigid schedule I think you didn't read the book very carefully. The whole point was structure WITH FLEXIBILITY!!! I'm no baby expert, but I know that as an elementary school teacher, and a human being, children DO work better with structure and a routine. When you know generally what to expect in a day it's easier to adjust to change and what's coming. Adults are the same way. My first year teaching I was kindof all over the place with the schedule, and I definitely noticed a big difference the second year when I followed the schedule a bit closer. I read this book and took it for what it was: advice. Not the Gospel! I have used what works for me---the general feed, wake, sleep cycle and emphasised full feedings starting roughly every 2 to 3 hours---and ignored the rest. No big deal. Just a general outline, and it's worked well for me. FLEXIBILITY is an essential part of this program, and they emphasis that. If you are accidentally malnourishing your child, then you aren't paying attention to their hunger cries and cues well enough. Or your milk supply is low. Get it checked. And chill out! ...more

1

Mar 21, 2008

I've heard this author referred to as a "milk-Nazi", and having read the book, I understand the reference. "The natural way"? Hardly. I've had two tongue-tied boys (that makes for inefficient eaters, unhappy tummies, and frequent feedings). The advice in this book is harsh and without compassion for children. I think his response to baby's hunger is in effect answering the cry for food with, "Here: eat this stone, kid." Jesus had compassion on hungry adults. God the Father had compassion on the I've heard this author referred to as a "milk-Nazi", and having read the book, I understand the reference. "The natural way"? Hardly. I've had two tongue-tied boys (that makes for inefficient eaters, unhappy tummies, and frequent feedings). The advice in this book is harsh and without compassion for children. I think his response to baby's hunger is in effect answering the cry for food with, "Here: eat this stone, kid." Jesus had compassion on hungry adults. God the Father had compassion on the children of Israel. He pities His children when they cry to Him for help. Babies are people, and they are not identical. Some of them are criers, and you have to learn which cries to respond quickly to. Some of them are not criers, and when they do cry, you know they have a real need. It's idiotic to make hard and fast rules about how long to let the baby cry. And if your baby is hungry, feed him, Mom! That's why God gave you to him and equipped you with breasts. ...more

4

Feb 19, 2012

I honestly wonder if we are reading different books! Mine is a newer version and I am actually surprised by such controversy about a book as middle-of-the-road as this. This is the 2nd time I've read it and wonder what is creating the hoopla!
Why I believe this book is for natural parenting and helpful:
- The parent decides when to feed the baby based upon the baby's need. IF feeding on demand, the baby could actually not demand enough food in the early weeks and this can contribute to failure to I honestly wonder if we are reading different books! Mine is a newer version and I am actually surprised by such controversy about a book as middle-of-the-road as this. This is the 2nd time I've read it and wonder what is creating the hoopla!
Why I believe this book is for natural parenting and helpful:
- The parent decides when to feed the baby based upon the baby's need. IF feeding on demand, the baby could actually not demand enough food in the early weeks and this can contribute to failure to thrive. This is proven by studies mentioned in the book. Some sick, small or sleepy babies can actually need YOU to be the parent and feed them every 2-3 hours as opposed to them "demanding" every 4 or so hours. The authors state that babies need to be fed AT LEAST 8 times in a 24 hour period - more like 10 in the first several weeks. (this is every 2-3 hours)
--The authors suggest you work on feeding until the baby is FULL. This was most helpful with my first son. He regulated himself on a regular routine in the first few weeks because he ate until he was full. I never had to let him cry to sleep or any of the other ridiculous things people talk about. Very helpful to just concentrate on full feeding. Then the baby gets both the foremilk and the rich hindmilk. Studies show (cited in this material) if babies snack hourly they never receive the rich hindmilk and can also be termed "failure to thrive" babies. My son was also sleeping through the night at 4 1/2 months. Quite the reasonable amount of time for his age and weight according to the authors.
-- There are studies showing how important sleep is to development and they go over the different types of sleep. If a child is not receiving restful sleep - then they are less alert and it can contribute to life-long poor sleep habits. It is beneficial not just for us to facilitate an environment where children can sleep well, but also is a gift we give our kids that they can take into adulthood.
-- The book eludes several times to "flexible routine" and how children thrive in routine. They know what to expect, are more secure and happy. I have seen this with our preschooler. We had no basic routine and he was very unhappy. We wondered why and then we read On Becoming Preschoolwise. He became a happier child nearly overnight from having a basic flexible structure.
-- The book is not a proponent of hyperscheduling. It is in the middle between no-routine with everyone being unhappy and exhausted and the baby crying all the time because they don't know what to expect, and hyperscheduling where there is no flexibility for looking at your baby to assess their (and your) physical needs.
--The authors state several times that they are assuming you are holding and nurturing them and giving them LOTS of love. There is even a section about how not only you should be holding and loving your baby lots, but that grandparents, siblings and dad should be loving the baby. This is against every review that talks about how the book is against holding, loving and being responsive to the baby. The premise of PDF (parent directed feeding) - is that you are feeing the baby enough, and feeding them until they are full.
--Again, I will reiterate that several times in Chapters 1-6 it addresses that baby needs to be fed at night (this would be why you are feeding every approx 2 1/2-3hrs). Whoever read that your baby should sleep throughout the night right away without a feeding is incorrect. It is logical that early in their life babies need food at regular intervals why they are so tiny and growing.
-- The book states - which most logical people would agree - that there are going to be times when your child is sick,going through a growth spurt, etc and will need more food. If you add a feeding to that 24 hour period - and if you are the flexible parent - you will easily be able to adjust to identifiying this need for an increase in caloric intake. My son went through several very identifiable spurts - and it was clear he needed more milk! The book also talks about this and how if you add another feeding then your milk supply will go up (conversely - if you offer the breast too often - your milk supply can decline).
-- Studies show that women who say they are demand feeding their infants - or where the infants have no routine and are "snacking" - stop exclusively breastfeeding months ahead of those who have a basic routine. I think our bodies adjust if we have a routine and plus 2-3 hours - 4 when they are older - gives your body time to produce rich healthy milk for your baby!

Give this book a chance, you might really enjoy the studies mentioned and the common sense approach.
I will also say that we co-slept with our son until he was sleeping through the night. We were both working full-time and if we didn't - then neither of us would have slept well. When he would awake for his 2 feedings through that night - I could sleep while he nursed. My son was 10 lbs. I would be more concerned of co-sleeping with a smaller baby, as I've since personally heard of a woman who suffocated her child. After our son was sleeping through the night - it was easy to put him in his crib and we both got a better night sleep at that point. I appreciated the approach of this book and that while suggesting many many things not mentioned in this review, it encourages you to discover what works for you and your baby so that everyone is happy & rested. ...more

1

May 24, 2009

You've got to realize babies aren't dogs. They don't know what a marriage is. They aren't trying to torment you when they wake up in the middle of the night.

Needless to say, when I have kids, there's no way I'm taking this guys advice! The first thing babies need is their parents, to be fed when they are hungry, to be held when they need to be held. I just don't see the logic of schedules.
Ok, so I don't have kids, and I'm free to sleep as late as I want to when I don't have a job. I can hear a You've got to realize babies aren't dogs. They don't know what a marriage is. They aren't trying to torment you when they wake up in the middle of the night.

Needless to say, when I have kids, there's no way I'm taking this guys advice! The first thing babies need is their parents, to be fed when they are hungry, to be held when they need to be held. I just don't see the logic of schedules.
Ok, so I don't have kids, and I'm free to sleep as late as I want to when I don't have a job. I can hear a Greek chorus crying out, "You don't know what it's like!"
But mostly, it's the babies I empathize for. I feel bad thinking about them crying for the attention they need and being ignored because someone like Ezzo say it's the Christian way to raise children.
I say it's more Christian to follow your instincts and listen to someone who actually knows about babies (and whose children like him) like Sears. ...more

1

Feb 11, 2009

Can I give it zero stars? Or negative two? After reading that the American Academy of Pediatrics has criticized this book (and even linked it to specific cases of babies' deaths and malnutrition/dehydration cases), I picked it up just to take a look. (Couldn't bring myself to read very much of it.) But I read enough to notice plenty of errors on a basic biological level; did we forget that feeding schedules have been proven to be the absolute worst thing for breastfeeding babies?? Babies need to Can I give it zero stars? Or negative two? After reading that the American Academy of Pediatrics has criticized this book (and even linked it to specific cases of babies' deaths and malnutrition/dehydration cases), I picked it up just to take a look. (Couldn't bring myself to read very much of it.) But I read enough to notice plenty of errors on a basic biological level; did we forget that feeding schedules have been proven to be the absolute worst thing for breastfeeding babies?? Babies need to eat when they're hungry, and they know their own bodies and their own needs--putting infants on feeding schedules can lead to dehydration and even death. Also, there are many ways to help babies learn to sleep besides cry-it-out; this book displays an utter lack of acknowledgment that different babies will respond best to different approaches, and that parents should trust their intuition.

And of course, I was very put off by the outright dismissal of any family who chooses to put a baby's needs first (and I found the author's discussion of attachment parenting to be totally misleading and, uh, horrible. Sorry, I'm running out of polite descriptive words. This book is awful!) To me, all these things are even worse because Ezzo couches his philosophy in a guise of religious authoritarianism--I see this as manipulative and, uh, bad.

(Check out this enlightening article on the dangers of feeding-scheduling: http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aneyaap.htm) ...more

1

Jan 28, 2008

scariest book ever created. the authors are not professionals, doctors, have experience...they are just pulling out this advice from their nether-regions and testing to see who is gullible enough to listen. if you want to estrange your children, read this book. if you want to create a fearful environment for your child, read this book. this book has also been linked to thousands of deaths due to dehydration and malnutrition. it is pure danger and should be removed from all shelves and burned in scariest book ever created. the authors are not professionals, doctors, have experience...they are just pulling out this advice from their nether-regions and testing to see who is gullible enough to listen. if you want to estrange your children, read this book. if you want to create a fearful environment for your child, read this book. this book has also been linked to thousands of deaths due to dehydration and malnutrition. it is pure danger and should be removed from all shelves and burned in a pyre. ...more

1

Aug 29, 2007

Babywise was recommended by a friend of mine who had a baby a couple of years ago and swore by the 'scheduling' in the book (though the book would probably call it putting baby on a 'routine'--I think it is scheduling!) Whether or not you like the book or find it useful will probably depend on your style of parenting, temperament, and expectations. I read it at first before my son was born, then refreshed by reading some parts of it again after he arrived.

The more parenting I do, the less I Babywise was recommended by a friend of mine who had a baby a couple of years ago and swore by the 'scheduling' in the book (though the book would probably call it putting baby on a 'routine'--I think it is scheduling!) Whether or not you like the book or find it useful will probably depend on your style of parenting, temperament, and expectations. I read it at first before my son was born, then refreshed by reading some parts of it again after he arrived.

The more parenting I do, the less I like this book. I originally gave it 2 or 3 stars, but as I get more experience I like it less.

The biggest things that bother me:

1. Making a moral point out of getting your baby to adapt to YOUR schedule so that down the road s/he will be obedient. I think what makes an obedient child is what we learned in my Sunday school class: a full tank...lots of love attention and care....not rigidity in scheduling. Sets up parent v. child, a dichotomy that does not need to exist.

2. This book does not address the fact that babies are different. some babies will take to a schedule easily. some will not. if yours does not, I'm afraid this book will make the baby sound like s/he is defective in some way and needs to be 'trained' to be easier. I simply don't agree. BABIES ARE DIFFERENT...I think the babywise style is a little too cookie-cutter. So take heart, not all babies are 'by the book.' (Also milk/dairy allergies are VERY common and can cause a baby to be very NOT by the book--that's what we've got and if I'd given up on 'why' my son was crying, his health would have suffered.) Listen to YOUR individual baby.

3. Not taking into account different parenting styles.

4. the notion that a baby should sleep in his/her own room from the get-go. Dr. james mckenna has some words of wisdom on that subject, but I think the baby should sleep where the family is happiest--and this varies from family to family.

5. the notion that a baby should sleep through the night so early. Although I don't think a baby should be waking up every hour, I think we have to be reasonable. babies' tummies are tiny and their needs are different...they have immature nervous systems and brains. some babies sleep through the night soon, some do not. (teething, developmental milestones, etc all throw a wrench in sleeping, too.)

This will work for some parents. but I believe babies, like adults, are unique. trust your instincts. I did, and I'm better rested now (with a baby who does NOT sleep through the night) than ever.

as for sleep books, the no cry sleep solution is useful, the happiest baby on the block is great for babies under 4 months (the DVD is the best!). ...more

5

Sep 15, 2008

Who wants their baby to sleep through the night and go to sleep without any fuss? Then you should read this book! I first read it when a family I nannied for wanted me to get on board with what they were doing with their daughter. It worked like magic! David and I decided to apply this same program to all of our children. I have 5 kids and they all slept through the night between the ages of 6 weeks and 3 months. The basic principal is getting them on a feeding schedule so that their metabolism Who wants their baby to sleep through the night and go to sleep without any fuss? Then you should read this book! I first read it when a family I nannied for wanted me to get on board with what they were doing with their daughter. It worked like magic! David and I decided to apply this same program to all of our children. I have 5 kids and they all slept through the night between the ages of 6 weeks and 3 months. The basic principal is getting them on a feeding schedule so that their metabolism can stabalize. This works for breast and bottle feeding mothers alike. (I've done it both ways) They also go to sleep on their own - we just lay them down in the crib and say good-night and leave the room. They may fuss for a few minutes, but that's it. They've all kept this fabulous sleeping skill with them as they've grown as well, which has been great for them and for us. Once it's bedtime, we can have all 5 kids in bed with doors closed within 10 minutes. No crying, no begging, no fuss. I highly recommend this book!!!! (obviously) ;) ...more

1

Sep 27, 2012

WARNING: THIS BOOK IS DANGEROUS

In no way am I condemning parents who took some of the ideas and adapted it to work for them, but I do feel I need to explain more now. Please do not take this as personal, you or ANYONE who has found some help from Babywise. I still think that moms need to be warned.

I truly respected and trusted the mom who handed me Babywise, in fact. But as a young, impressionable mom, that book did nothing but undermine my faith in my body and my parenting abilities. This woman WARNING: THIS BOOK IS DANGEROUS

In no way am I condemning parents who took some of the ideas and adapted it to work for them, but I do feel I need to explain more now. Please do not take this as personal, you or ANYONE who has found some help from Babywise. I still think that moms need to be warned.

I truly respected and trusted the mom who handed me Babywise, in fact. But as a young, impressionable mom, that book did nothing but undermine my faith in my body and my parenting abilities. This woman was shocked to see how often Ian ate. He ate every hour for a few months, finally stretching out to two and three hours, and she told me I was spoiling my child and he was going to grow up to have several defects that today, I can assure you, he does not have. I will admit to having PPD at the time as well as being incredibly sleep deprived and inexperienced, and today I'd have told her to butt out, but part of my confidence in myself stems from the day that Chris took this book and dramatically threw it in the trash. He said, rightly, that the book was poison. Using these techniques interfered with my body's ability to make milk, my bonding with my firstborn, and put an enormous strain on my marriage.

OTOH, some children and moms will fall right into the schedule, and the book will work for them. I suspect that has more to do with individual temperaments and physiology than the effectiveness of the techniques in this book, because I was using them religiously and had absolutely no luck, while I had a friend who basically had an Ezzo schedule naturally without ever reading the book or following very many of the techniques at all.

I understand that it takes all kinds of people, and different parenting techniques work for different moms. I know that some moms would NEVER cosleep, or wear their babies, or any of the things that worked for me, and they still have great children and wonderful relationships with them. That's one of the (many, many) reasons I bristle at GKGW. To imply that this method of parenting is more godly than the methods of those of us who don't run our lives on a timer is horrifying. And the advice in BW can actively destroy breastfeeding relationships. There is a ton of misinformation given to new moms about the way their bodies work, and so much more.

For moms at the end of their patience, or who want to sleep train, I would respectfully suggest other, far better books. The No Cry Sleep Solution is a great start. I know some moms who have had luck with the Baby Whisperer's books.
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1

Sep 17, 2014

Don't follow this book's advice. Ezzo, like Michael and Debi Pearl write child abuse... I mean child raising manuals in which they use religion as an excuse to torment babies. These methods can and will cause failure to thrive and a lack of attachment. If you don't believe me, read this site before you use these methods on your newborn http://www.ezzo.info/resources/timeli...

It's a horrible idea. Newborn babies need to be held and cuddled. They do not need strict schedules, they need you. They Don't follow this book's advice. Ezzo, like Michael and Debi Pearl write child abuse... I mean child raising manuals in which they use religion as an excuse to torment babies. These methods can and will cause failure to thrive and a lack of attachment. If you don't believe me, read this site before you use these methods on your newborn http://www.ezzo.info/resources/timeli...

It's a horrible idea. Newborn babies need to be held and cuddled. They do not need strict schedules, they need you. They don't even know what a marriage is and torturing them isn't going to improve your marriage. Toss this book and pick up your baby when they need it. You will NOT spoil them. ...more

1

Aug 24, 2011

I picked this book up off the bargain bin and had no idea that it was controversial. Ezzo says that he is not promoting scheduled feeding but rather parent-led feeding, but really he is just playing semantics. This book tells you to schedule your baby and in a few weeks your baby will sleep through the night. First and foremost the American Academy of Pediatrics as well as organizations like the La Leche League endorse demand feeding not scheduled feeding. And there is concern that scheduled I picked this book up off the bargain bin and had no idea that it was controversial. Ezzo says that he is not promoting scheduled feeding but rather parent-led feeding, but really he is just playing semantics. This book tells you to schedule your baby and in a few weeks your baby will sleep through the night. First and foremost the American Academy of Pediatrics as well as organizations like the La Leche League endorse demand feeding not scheduled feeding. And there is concern that scheduled feeding can lead to failure to thrive. Secondly, I have a real concern that moms will feel like they aren't doing something right when they can't get their newborn on a schedule. I know I wondered if I should be doing something differently because early on we had no routine. But once I took the pressure off myself me and my newborn settled much easier into a routine and by 6 weeks he was sleeping 5-6 hours a night and by 8 weeks even longer.
I would not recommend this book to new mothers. ...more

3

Jul 09, 2007

There is an amusing amount of controversy over this book, considering it is pretty limited and practical. It is not a comprehensive parenting book, but it does give a good starting place for the mother bringing home a newborn. It gives a nice general structure for feeding, sleeping and playtime and is not as rigid as critics imply. There is no reason to take it overboard as some fear. The one downside of this book is that it says that if you maintain a structure as they recommend, your baby will There is an amusing amount of controversy over this book, considering it is pretty limited and practical. It is not a comprehensive parenting book, but it does give a good starting place for the mother bringing home a newborn. It gives a nice general structure for feeding, sleeping and playtime and is not as rigid as critics imply. There is no reason to take it overboard as some fear. The one downside of this book is that it says that if you maintain a structure as they recommend, your baby will sleep through the night very soon, which is not always the case. It's still a helpful book. ...more

1

Nov 15, 2017

No, just no. I absolutely do not recommend this book. Forget what the book is actually teaching and just know this one thing new mothers do not have time for this wordy mess!

I do not agree with Ezzo's methods. I am sure it works for some, but it just made me more insecure and had me questioning every thing. Ezzo's methods go against every maternal instincts I have.

5

Nov 09, 2011

The beauty about this book, as well as every other parenting book, is you can adjust the advice to fit your baby, life, and comfort with the advice. As a first time mom, I found the book to be extremely useful and a lifesaver because I had to start back with school and an internship 5 days after giving birth. The book recommends focusing on "full feedings" with new babies, and as this was the advice I left the hospital with, I found it to be helpful and relevant. My baby naturally fell into a The beauty about this book, as well as every other parenting book, is you can adjust the advice to fit your baby, life, and comfort with the advice. As a first time mom, I found the book to be extremely useful and a lifesaver because I had to start back with school and an internship 5 days after giving birth. The book recommends focusing on "full feedings" with new babies, and as this was the advice I left the hospital with, I found it to be helpful and relevant. My baby naturally fell into a great sleep/eat/wake pattern that I found closely resembled what this book recommends. I recommend this book to every new parent I know, and I accept that not everyone is going to love it as much as I do, but I hardly find the advice in this book to result in malnourished, maltreated, and disengaged children. My sister in-laws raised their children on Baby Wise and they are some of the most happy, well behaved kids I know.

So anyway, read what you will and follow what advice you want. This is just one option among a sea of choices. ...more

5

Nov 13, 2007

I absolutley love what these books have to offer, and find them to be right on. I studied infancy and early childhood development, so I didn't go into these books blindly, but found them to work really well, and to be on track with the long terms goals were are trying to help our children accomplish. And if you read the sites for their study work, it's amazing. I can't stress how helpful these were. Especially with my daughter who had GERD. Without this, I don't think any of us would have made I absolutley love what these books have to offer, and find them to be right on. I studied infancy and early childhood development, so I didn't go into these books blindly, but found them to work really well, and to be on track with the long terms goals were are trying to help our children accomplish. And if you read the sites for their study work, it's amazing. I can't stress how helpful these were. Especially with my daughter who had GERD. Without this, I don't think any of us would have made it through! The schedule was just what someone with her problem needs, and so few have. This isn't any easy program in the beginning, but that's just it. All the work is in the beginning, and you will be loving it when you kid is sleeping through the night long before others! Everyone always said I was lucky to have such good sleepers, but that's not it. I worked hard for those nights!! ...more

1

Mar 04, 2018

TLDR: No, just really, really no.

I read this book when my daughter was maybe a week old. My spouse and I were sleep deprived and exhausted, you know, from the rigors of a long birth, a hospital stay, and an infant that needs to feed every 2-3 hours and be held pretty much constantly. When you're in that state, the promises this book makes are not just appealing, they are like siren calls (the Homeric kind).

I read through this book one drowsy evening, probably with Remy sleeping on my chest. TLDR: No, just really, really no.

I read this book when my daughter was maybe a week old. My spouse and I were sleep deprived and exhausted, you know, from the rigors of a long birth, a hospital stay, and an infant that needs to feed every 2-3 hours and be held pretty much constantly. When you're in that state, the promises this book makes are not just appealing, they are like siren calls (the Homeric kind).

I read through this book one drowsy evening, probably with Remy sleeping on my chest. Some of the prescriptions seemed reasonable, but lots of the discussion seemed ideological and not evidence-based. I never trusted the authors and wondered why two random men felt like they could tell parents what to do. And some of the prescriptions (like making a newborn wait for a feeding when they show hunger cues) never seemed like a good idea, and luckily we never tried them.

Later I found out that the authors don't really have any credentials and that this book has been widely discredited.

I feel like the victim of a classic scam, where I was in a vulnerable state and somebody promised me a too-good-to-be-true solution.

The truth is that newborns are really difficult, and there's really very little you can do about it until they are 3-4 months old and can self soothe. The end.

PS A book I found much more valuable in my first few weeks as a parent was The Fourth Trimester by Susan Brink.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1... ...more

5

Nov 18, 2012

We used this philosophy with both of my girls, and both slept through the night at five weeks and are awesome sleepers to this day. Both of them thrived into the 90th percentile in both weight and height, so there was no failure in thriving! Honestly, as with any philosophy concerning your children, whether it be feeding, discipline, play...take what works for your family and go with it. What I got from this book is an affirmation of common sense and to follow what my instincts were telling me We used this philosophy with both of my girls, and both slept through the night at five weeks and are awesome sleepers to this day. Both of them thrived into the 90th percentile in both weight and height, so there was no failure in thriving! Honestly, as with any philosophy concerning your children, whether it be feeding, discipline, play...take what works for your family and go with it. What I got from this book is an affirmation of common sense and to follow what my instincts were telling me to do.

Did my child just take a full feeding?...why, yes she did! So, her crying is not because of hunger, it must be something else. Lets check it out and see what's wrong!...how is this causing my child harm? Why would the first thing I do when my child cries is try to feed her? Babies cry for other reasons!

Let your children sleep in their own beds because it is not safe for them in yours. Good point! Also, how good is your sleep with a child in the room, really? And at what point will you stop that? Start them in a bassinet if you want them close, not in the bed with you. If you can't wake up enough to walk to your child's room to feed them, that is another problem.

As for a feeding schedule...do you not eat on a schedule? Why shouldn't your child? Think about the opposite scenario...you never know when your child is going to want to eat, how much they will eat and when their nap will follow. How do you plan your day? What time do you tell your sitter to feed your child? How do you get anything done? How does your milk supply become affected? Breast milk is awesome, but it also has to be maintained. If your child is snacking every hour or so, she is only getting your foremilk, which is lower in fats and nutrients. Don't believe me, pump and look at what comes out first and then check how creamy it looks as you finish...skim milk to whipping cream. If she is only taking a "snack", that is what your body is going to start producing. Now, that will take you down a road to failure to thrive, not to mention sore, bleeding nipples, a hungry baby and worn out momma.

BW does have a Christian undertone to it, but even if you are not a believer, is that really a bad thing? Is showing love to your significant other a bad thing? Children learn by example, why not give them a loving one to follow?

BW is all about the parent being in control, and reacting appropriately to the situation. If your child is crying, and she just took a full feeding 90 minutes ago, look at the situation...is she in a growth spurt? is she tired? does she have a dirty diaper? cold? hot?...think about all the different reasons. No one but you is in charge of your baby's care. No one is making you not feed her, or not hold her, or let her cry. For any of you that are blaming BW because of your child's failure to thrive or not connecting with you, that was your choice. These are guidelines, and when applied correctly, result in a happy, well rested, well fed child...because the parent has the say to change the guidelines!! Your child is not in control! She is not the boss of you! If you let it start now, when will it stop?

I am amazed by the people that are saying they won't read this book because of a website and statistics. Why believe those statistics over the ones in the book? There is support for both sides, and I have always said, you either love this book or hate it. I am totally a lover and recommend it to all parents with the advice of...take what works for you and your family. ...more

4

Mar 06, 2012

I hear a lot of controversy about this book; I think a lot of it is based on misinformation. This book (especially the newest version, which is definitely revised and made more clear than the older editions) takes care to align itself with the AAP's recommendations of feeding newborns at least 8-12 times a day, etc. I think people hear it suggests putting babies on a strict four-hour schedule and allowing them to fail to thrive, but it does not do that. I have used at least its basic principles I hear a lot of controversy about this book; I think a lot of it is based on misinformation. This book (especially the newest version, which is definitely revised and made more clear than the older editions) takes care to align itself with the AAP's recommendations of feeding newborns at least 8-12 times a day, etc. I think people hear it suggests putting babies on a strict four-hour schedule and allowing them to fail to thrive, but it does not do that. I have used at least its basic principles (keeping newborns awake for a FULL feeding, awakening them so that they eat every 2.5-3 hours during the day, and putting their activities in a feed-waketime-naptime order) with all three of my children,and all quickly ballooned into chubby, happy babies who knew how to put themselves to sleep and slept through the night early on (but not so early that they weren't receiving adequate nourishment). I also found it really helpful in guiding me on when to expect what (for instance, when I could drop the late-evening feeding without it being too early), especially with my first baby. I think I held too strongly to the principles with my first child, and thus was overly rigid, but I have learned to let things go a little and be OK with it if the baby misses its nap because something else is more important (which the book also suggests--being flexible). Don't believe people who make it sound like this book suggests you should be mean to your baby. I could never be mean to my baby. I love my baby, and I want him to be well-rested and well-nourished so he can learn and grow. ...more

1

Dec 21, 2008

Does your baby have colic? Do you feel guilty about it? Well if not read this book. It will make you feel like a terrible mom. It is a particularly horrible book for the parent of a newborn with colic. It flat out says that you should be able to calm your crying baby and if you can't there is something wrong with you. As if you don't feel bad enough that your sweet little newborn is in pain.
This book is probably useful to a baby who just needs a little guidance and a strict schedule. But for Does your baby have colic? Do you feel guilty about it? Well if not read this book. It will make you feel like a terrible mom. It is a particularly horrible book for the parent of a newborn with colic. It flat out says that you should be able to calm your crying baby and if you can't there is something wrong with you. As if you don't feel bad enough that your sweet little newborn is in pain.
This book is probably useful to a baby who just needs a little guidance and a strict schedule. But for some moms it will make you crazy freaking out if you are 15 minutes late for a feeding. How will you ever redeem yourself for deviating from a schedule.
The authors bring up the issue of your baby trusting you only if you have a predictable schedule. To me this is only valuable if, when your baby needs it, you deviate to suit their needs. I would rather my baby trust that I am darn well going to feed him when he is hungry than follow this pre laid out schedule with military precision.
Further more it did not seem to make allowances for growth spurts, which healthy babies have. According to this book, you simply do not feed your growing newborn unless it was TIME. The statistical proof to support their schedule showed that babies on the superior baby wise schedule were bigger. Guess what, I don't want my kids bigger than they are supposed to be. Perhaps Baby Wise is contributing to the obesity epidemic?
...more