Mars and Venus in the Bedroom Info

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Can you keep the fires of passion burning?

Men
and women have very different physical needs. But Dr. John Gray
explains how both can make small but important adjustments in their
attitudes, schedules, and techniques so that their partners are happy in
the bedroom -- and outside of it.

Written with the understanding
and unique insight that can come only from Dr. Gray, Mars and Venus in
the Bedroom educate men and women on:

  • Advanced bedroom skills
    for great sex
  • The joys of quickies
  • Why couples are
    having less sex
  • Passionate monogamy
  • Sexual anatomy and
    oral sex
  • How to keep the magic of romance alive
  • And much
    more

Average Ratings and Reviews
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3.90

1852 Ratings

5

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1


Ratings and Reviews From Market


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Reviews for Mars and Venus in the Bedroom:

4

April 13, 2000

John Gray understands women too well sometimes
This book was extremely helpful, I believe more so for men than from women. Men are often confused as to what a woman wants in a relationship, especially when it comes to sex, and as a result, the majority of men turn out be very poor lovers. This book is a godsend - it tells men exactly some of the things theyre doing wrong, what a woman really means when she says something, and says things that women have tried to say to men but are unable to articulate it well or are too embarrassed to express it. I dont necessarily agree with it 100 percent, nobody should, and it wont help heal every sexual dysfunction a person may have, but, for the average person, this book is great.
4

Aug 26, 2014

Mars and venus in the bedroom: a guide to lasting romance and passion, c1995, John Gray
John Gray (born December 28, 1951) is an American relationship counselor, lecturer and author. In 1969, he began a nine-year association with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi before beginning his career as an author and personal relationship counselor. In 1992 he published the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which became a long term best seller and formed the central theme of all his subsequent books and Mars and venus in the bedroom: a guide to lasting romance and passion, c1995, John Gray
John Gray (born December 28, 1951) is an American relationship counselor, lecturer and author. In 1969, he began a nine-year association with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi before beginning his career as an author and personal relationship counselor. In 1992 he published the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which became a long term best seller and formed the central theme of all his subsequent books and career activities.
تاریخ نخستین خوانش: روز بیست و هفتم ماه آگوست سال 2004 میلادی
عنوان: مریخیها و ونوسیها در اتاق خواب؛ نویسنده: جان گری؛ ترجمه: کامران پروانه؛ مشخصات نشر: تهران، اردیبهشت، 1382، در 240 ص، شابک: 9647727550؛ موضوع: صمیمیت، امور جنسی - سده 20 م
دکتر جان گری در این اثر توضیح می‌دهد که چگونه با استفاده از مهارت‌های ارتباطی می‌توان آتش عشق و نشاط رابطه متعهدانه جنسی را حفظ کرد. خوانشگران با خوانش این کتاب درمی‌یابند که چگونه با شناخت تفاوت‌های زنان و مردان، و تلاش برای هماهنگ شدن، می‌توانند لذت بیشتری از زندگی ببرند. کتاب گزیده ای از سخنرانیهای دکتر جان گری در مورد روابط بین زوجها و عوامل پایداری روابط مثبت آنان است. خوانشگر درباره ی تفاوتهای زن و مرد میتواند روشهای تازه ای را برای بهبود رابطه ی زناشویی بیابد. آگاهی از این تفاوتها به همگان نشان میدهد که مسائل بوجود آمده، در بین زنان و مردان، مشابه هستند، و بدون داشتن و دانستن این داده ها هیچکس نمیتواند در زندگی زناشویی موفق باشد... زنان به ماه شبیه اند که دائماً یا در حال جلا یافتن‌ هستند و یا رنگ میبازند، و ... و به آقایان توصیه میکند تفاوتهای زنان با مردان را، به درستی درک کنند. ا. شربیانی ...more
1

October 3, 2006

Women's orgasms aren't important
I have been reading this book out loud to my BF, who now worships Dr. Gray as it should be titled, "Why women should give men sex all the time".

Dr. Gray actually lists why we should give our man a quickie when we really don't want to, don't have time or are tired. He even says we should give a hand job when we have a bad headache!!! Men, if your woman has a headache, run her a warm bubble bath, light some candles, give her a massage and you'll increase your chances of getting some!

He also states that at certain times of the month many women don't feel the need to have an orgasm. I know LOTS of women and none of them will tell you orgasms are not important! Yes, sometime I will give my man a quickie and not worry about my orgasm, but that is totally up to me, NOT DR. GRAY.

He also states it's ok to look at other women in front of us as long as our men tell us they love us. Gee, not enough beautiful women on TV, billboards and magazines to look at when we're not around? I don't drool over other men when my man is around because I RESPECT him. If more couples respected each other they would have less trouble.

He has some good tips like men need to spend more time on foreplay, complimenting your woman, but I am on page 88 out of 206 and it has been overwhelmingly biased toward giving men what they want all the time and apparently at all costs.
1

November 22, 2008

This goes straight to the bin
In which year was John Gray born, some time in 1870???

I can't believe this book is for real. The intro is promising, but then it goes off on the premise that women are generally frigid and men are sex animals. The repetitive theme is how important sex is to men, and how women should always agree to have it. Therefore, the solution for a successful sex life in a long term relationship is that men should constantly coax women into having sex with them and women should always say yes, even if they are not in the mood. The overriding theme is stroking the male ego, as men need to have sex to feel loved. The importance sex and orgasms to women, is all but dismissed totally. In fact, Gray even presumes that orgasms are not important to women.

It seems to be a dream book for men. There are many unpalatable parts of the book - for example, women are encouraged never to refuse sex, but there is one outrageous part of the book which suggests that if the man is too tired to be in the mood for sex, the women should take responsibility of her own pleasure, start the groundwork on a solo basis and in the final two minutes, call in the man so that he can complete the job and claim the honors of giving her the orgasm. I also had to pick my jaw off the floor when I read his analysis of how to interpret a woman's sexual mood by her underwear colour. This must have been written at a time where red lace was considered scandalous and illegal, as there are only entries for black, white and pink lingerie. Be prepared for lots of idiotic passages like these.

I was hoping for a book that would spice up my sex life to prevent my husband and I from getting routine and complacent. Also, in order for us to connect deeper on a sexual level. Both of us enjoy sex, orgasms are equally important to us, and our relationship is one of mutual love, desire and respect, and therefore, this book misses the mark on all these points. Instead of being one for couples to enjoy, this book is biased towards the male needs. It takes little into account that women's attitudes to sexuality, and roles and responsibilities in the household have somewhat changed since the Victorian era. I would have expected John Gray to do a bit more research on the female psyche and come up with a more balanced approach, instead of this truly awful caveman piece of writing. What the heck, he's now laughing his way to the bank.

This book is better off in a trash can, and that's where mine's going. Don't waste your time and money!
5

June 1, 2014

A great read-aloud book for couples!
I've always admired John Gray and believed that men and women truly are from different planets. My husband and I don't communicate well, about much of anything. We hit a crossroads in our marriage and I knew we had to do something or there wouldn't be another anniversary to celebrate. So I bought Mars and Venus in the Bedroom. OMG! Dr. Gray might has written this book for my husband and I! The stories, the suggestions, the ideas.....all hit home. AND it's working. I would HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone that needs a little pick-me-up in their marriage, something to get you started. I was ready to give up and get out, but this book made both of us realize that we CAN learn to communicate, we can grow closer and we can enjoy all the intimacy that we once had. Thank you Dr. Gray!
1

April 27, 2008

John Gray Should Not Be Giving Bedroom Advice
In the words of my husband, "This guy [John Gray] has an agenda. You've got to feel bad for his wife."

After reading this book together, both my husband and I were very disappointed. My husband was really insulted that Gray made men out to be sex machines who require an orgasm in order to love and feel. I was upset that women were characterized as essentially sexless, needing our male counterparts to coax us into having intercourse. Even more annoying though, Gray devalues female orgasms almost completely, and at no time is it appropriate for a woman to decline sex. Of course women should make the attempt to pleasure their men (most will want to), but Gray has the idea that women should give it to their lovers anytime, anywhere. Seriously, I can picture Gray explaining that a woman in labor can just give her husband/boyfriend a quickie if he's feeling frisky and she's just not in the mood given that she's giving birth and all. On the other hand, according to Gray, it's hard for a man to say no to sex, so if he does, a woman should take care of things herself.

Gray's views on a loving sexual relationship were too one-sided and extreme for my husband and I. We really don't think Gray should be giving bedroom advice, nor does he seem qualified to be. (FYI: Google Gray's educational background. It's a joke. The school he received his PhD from no longer exists. Too bad I didn't realize this until we had already bought and read the book).
5

April 7, 2016

An Excellent Resource
We had lost connection in our marriage. Sex became something that was routine and did not increase our dedication to each other. This book helped me better understand the difference between how men and women express and feel love. It is not a "how to" book on sex. It is a study of a connection that can easily be lost in a marriage. I will definitely read this more than once and will hold on to it in case a space comes between us again in the future.
4

May 09, 2010

Not the bad, but nothing so much amazing.
The best and most important thing for me is near beginning - that men can love deeply mainly during and after good sex. That sex helps them to open their love - and their beloved ones. And it helps them to feel anything at all.
My boyfriend told me often in the past that he has sex with me because he loves me. I denied it angrily - "No, this is not true! You has sex with because you want have sex, because your own pleasure! Dont lie to me!"
But he WAS Not the bad, but nothing so much amazing.
The best and most important thing for me is near beginning - that men can love deeply mainly during and after good sex. That sex helps them to open their love - and their beloved ones. And it helps them to feel anything at all.
My boyfriend told me often in the past that he has sex with me because he loves me. I denied it angrily - "No, this is not true! You has sex with because you want have sex, because your own pleasure! Don´t lie to me!"
But he WAS right. And I was on mistake.
I didn´t know it. (And I couldn´t know it, because women have no direct conecting between sex and love: they can enjoy sex deeply only if they feel loved before sex - which is true for me, too, but they can´t feel more love during and after sex if they didn´feel deep love before it. All women react similar. And when John Gray told that women commonly don´t believe in conecting between sex and love by men - yes, I was such common case, too!)
I am so sorry! After reading it, I apollogized him immediately, and he forgave me. :o)
/But, not all men feel love after sex, I fear. When some man doesn´t love some woman and only want to have sex, after it will be no more love, maybe more disgust for her - as his plaything, as "whore". He must like her mindestens a little from beginning - and after that, he will feel more love for her. Sex is no miracle. :o)
John Gray writes about love and sex in serious relationships, mainly in marriage, also all "his" couples are in love and they need help only for feeling more love and bigger happiness. I live in such relationshio, too, also this book fits me very well.) ...more
3

May 03, 2014

I first have to give credit to my husband because as I was reading this I became impressed with him; I realized how good I have it. He is amazing in the bedroom. It seems so easy for him to put me first in his life. He does nearly everything for me that was discussed in this book. He would be ecstatic to know that he is the “King of the Bedroom.” Hopefully that isn’t too much information.

I wanted to read this with hopes of what to look forward to for our sex life after I am done nursing our I first have to give credit to my husband because as I was reading this I became impressed with him; I realized how good I have it. He is amazing in the bedroom. It seems so easy for him to put me first in his life. He does nearly everything for me that was discussed in this book. He would be ecstatic to know that he is the “King of the Bedroom.” Hopefully that isn’t too much information.

I wanted to read this with hopes of what to look forward to for our sex life after I am done nursing our baby. I have been pregnant or nursing for the past 11 years so I am hoping to regain some semblance of a sex drive because as of now my mojo is nonexistent. Where’s a book that addresses that issue with moms?

This book was straightforward and to the point. I liked that the author did not shy away from the details of sex. I hate when books supposedly talk about sex but they are vague and not helpful in the least. I will say though that a bit of it came off as chauvinistic and degrading to women. It favors the male ego emphasizing how important sex is to him and women were sometimes an afterthought. One such reference said that when a man was not in the mood for sex the woman could begin to take responsibility for her own pleasure—how insulting! Yet when a woman was not in the mood it alluded to her giving into a quickie for her man as if she was obligated to. If I’m not in the mood it means I do not want anything at all and I don’t think I should feel guilty about it. As a woman I do not want, or deserve, to feel used and as a result become resentful. I disagree with some points. There were some harsh stereotypes that made men out to be selfish and insensitive while women were to be submissive.

What I did appreciate were the examples on saying “no” in a positive way so the man does not feel rejected and eventually quit initiating sex. Sometimes if I have had a hard day I will let my husband know that I will plan a good time the next night so he knows I still want to be with him. He would rather I be into sex anyway than be dead in the bed. It’s better for the both of us.

I agree that a good sexual experience, or sex life for that matter, seems to depend mostly on the woman because a man feels the most fulfilled when the woman is satisfied. “For sex to be memorable from both the male and female perspective, the woman needs to be fulfilled. I have never heard a man complain ‘She had a great time and I didn’t. All she cared about was herself and her own pleasure. She had her way with me and then left.’”

I liked the interpretations he gave for the woman’s clothes at bedtime, they were a silly exaggeration because sometimes you wear something because that color looks good on you. For instance, if she wears black lace or garters she is giving a clear signal that she wants to have sex. She knows what she wants and it is intense, hot, and lusty. If it’s a black bra and underwear she is in a more seductive and aggressive mood. Whereas in a white silky satin outfit, she may feel sensitive, gentle, and loving. I thought it was funny when old cotton flannel pajamas were on the list as “not in the mood.” So true. That’s when I want to be comfy and relax. I was surprised there was no mention of the color red. Red seems to give my husband the signal that I want it and I will probably take over and be passionate. I think it fits in the lusty category.

It touches on the difficulties of a woman’s day-to-day tasks which I related to as a stay-at-home mom. “The more a woman is focused throughout her day on caring for and giving to others, the less aware she is of herself and her own sensual desires.” I find that to be true in my life. I agreed with the advice for a man to plan out the details for such things as their dates. When a man handles the details, the woman can then relax and feel taken care of. This helps me so I don’t feel like sex is just another task I need to do, instead I feel loved and want to be more affectionate toward my husband. I really feel appreciated when he takes care of our kids at bed time or does the cleanup after dinner. If we acknowledge how hard each of us works then we keep our relationship more meaningful.
...more
3

May 11, 2014

Straightforward Sex Talk
I first have to give credit to my husband because as I was reading this I became impressed with him; I realized how good I have it. He is amazing in the bedroom. It seems so easy for him to put me first in his life. He does nearly everything for me that was discussed in this book. He would be ecstatic to know that he is the “King of the Bedroom.” Hopefully that isn’t too much information.

I wanted to read this with hopes of what to look forward to for our sex life after I am done nursing our baby. I have been pregnant or nursing for the past 11 years so I am hoping to regain some semblance of a sex drive because as of now my mojo is nonexistent. Where’s a book that addresses that issue with moms?

This book was straightforward and to the point. I liked that the author did not shy away from the details of sex. I hate when books supposedly talk about sex but they are vague and not helpful in the least. I will say though that a bit of it came off as chauvinistic and degrading to women. It favors the male ego emphasizing how important sex is to him and women were sometimes an afterthought. One such reference said that when a man was not in the mood for sex the woman could begin to take responsibility for her own pleasure—how insulting! Yet when a woman was not in the mood it alluded to her giving into a quickie for her man as if she was obligated to. If I’m not in the mood it means I do not want anything at all and I don’t think I should feel guilty about it. As a woman I do not want, or deserve, to feel used and as a result become resentful. I disagree with some points. There were some harsh stereotypes that made men out to be selfish and insensitive while women were to be submissive.

What I did appreciate were the examples on saying “no” in a positive way so the man does not feel rejected and eventually quit initiating sex. Sometimes if I have had a hard day I will let my husband know that I will plan a good time the next night so he knows I still want to be with him. He would rather I be into sex anyway than be dead in the bed. It’s better for the both of us.

I agree that a good sexual experience, or sex life for that matter, seems to depend mostly on the woman because a man feels the most fulfilled when the woman is satisfied. “For sex to be memorable from both the male and female perspective, the woman needs to be fulfilled. I have never heard a man complain ‘She had a great time and I didn’t. All she cared about was herself and her own pleasure. She had her way with me and then left.’”

I liked the interpretations he gave for the woman’s clothes at bedtime, they were a silly exaggeration because sometimes you wear something because that color looks good on you. For instance, if she wears black lace or garters she is giving a clear signal that she wants to have sex. She knows what she wants and it is intense, hot, and lusty. If it’s a black bra and underwear she is in a more seductive and aggressive mood. Whereas in a white silky satin outfit, she may feel sensitive, gentle, and loving. I thought it was funny when old cotton flannel pajamas were on the list as “not in the mood.” So true. That’s when I want to be comfy and relax. I was surprised there was no mention of the color red. Red seems to give my husband the signal that I want it and I will probably take over and be passionate. I think it fits in the lusty category.

It touches on the difficulties of a woman’s day-to-day tasks which I related to as a stay-at-home mom. “The more a woman is focused throughout her day on caring for and giving to others, the less aware she is of herself and her own sensual desires.” I find that to be true in my life. I agreed with the advice for a man to plan out the details for such things as their dates. When a man handles the details, the woman can then relax and feel taken care of. This helps me so I don’t feel like sex is just another task I need to do, instead I feel loved and want to be more affectionate toward my husband. I really feel appreciated when he takes care of our kids at bed time or does the cleanup after dinner. If we acknowledge how hard each of us works then we keep our relationship more meaningful.
4

March 21, 2011

Insightful and Interesting...a must read.
My fiance and I read this book and we both thought it had some very interesting points. It helped us understand more about each other, and even a little bit about ourselves. I have read more of Dr. Gray's books, and it was quite fascinating to see the differences in men and women in the bedroom as well as in daily life. And really, it is absolutely fascinating how our bodies truly are perfect for the other.

The section on the different types of panties according to mood is quite amusing. Dr. Gray was giving an example of signals, to make it a little easier for men to know what mood a woman is in without having to guess or be told outright. It may not be true for all women of course, and we all have different ways of doing things, but I thought it amusing. Especially since I know many of the clothes I wear depend on my mood.

Dr. Gray devotes quite a generous portion of his book on talking about sex with your partner. Even though it's full of repeated and over repeated sayings, and humor that's not really all that funny, I think a lot of it actually may serve a purpose of breaking the ice and spark questions and conversation between partners. The examples on how to compliment the other, and what not to say, are so cheesy you just have to laugh at it all. But it is simple enough to skip the lists. Dr. Gray goes in no little detail about techniques and anatomy, and there is even a section on restoring passion by writing letters (his example is laughable, but it gets the point across). But he goes a little outside the bedroom too, and explains that even something as simple as getting the door for one's wife, or thanking your husband for helping with the dishes can go a long way.

Even though this book has some great information, and I'm sure it'll help my fiance and I when we get married, it definitely has to be read with a healthy amount of salt. I would not go so far as some of the other negative reviews have gone. I do not think Dr. Gray intended to portray women as sexually inactive compared to men. In fact, he clearly states that Women's interest in sex often surprises men. "All women are different" is one of his most often used quotes in the book. He does not box men and women into stereotypes, that is simply how we are made. Women are just as strong as men, just in different ways. And men need Love just as much as women do. That is what Dr. Gray is trying to say. I do not see anywhere that "men want sex and women want love". We just have different ways of getting both of those things, and Dr. Gray helps provide some insight on what those differences are, and how a husband and wife can best help each other feel loved and appreciated not only during sex, but in daily life as well.
2

Mar 21, 2016

John Gray PHD is an asshole. Apparently a monk that went mainstream and decided to have lots of sex after being celebate for a prolonged period of time and then also decided he knew all about women. He wrote TEN separate books imparting his insightful wisdom to the common man. I could write ten books if all of them are anything like this. A good portion is devoted to whoring out the other nine and what content there is just repeats itself over and over with simplistic common sense phrases and John Gray PHD is an asshole. Apparently a monk that went mainstream and decided to have lots of sex after being celebate for a prolonged period of time and then also decided he knew all about women. He wrote TEN separate books imparting his insightful wisdom to the common man. I could write ten books if all of them are anything like this. A good portion is devoted to whoring out the other nine and what content there is just repeats itself over and over with simplistic common sense phrases and ideas. After every thought or idea, that paragraph is then followed up with the very same thing written before it only in bold print so you don't fail to grasp the importance of what Mr. Gray just told you. One of the things that bothered me the most in the reading was when he stated men cannot truly feel or open up until they have had sex. This is completely rediculous. Also, I can magically put my wife in the mood by washing the dishes. This book was horrible. I gave it a fair shot and slogged through from cover to cover, unfortunately. ...more
2

August 18, 2006

Well intentioned advice for men; women not included.
Dr. Gray must be a wonderful lover. As a woman I read his hints and suggestions for a man's love making technique and marvel at his insight. I truly could not have imagined a man so aware of what a woman really wants in the bedroom. However there are no corresponding ideas for a woman geared to improviing her skills as a lover. By maintaining a position of gallant "ladies first" mentality he, in truth, is demeaning the power of women's sexuality.

There is much to be gained by men reading this book. Attitudes can improve, skill levels can rise and even the articulation of loving feelings can be created and/or grow with the help of this book's suggestions. Women are unfortunately reduced to being receipients of, not participants in, in bedroom activity.
5

Apr 08, 2013

Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion by John Gray (first published 1995)
Added 4/8/13

I read this book several years ago and found it to be very enlightening.

I think this book should be given as a gift to all engaged couples. Even married couples might benefit from it. It talks about the subject of intimacy in a straight-forward manner and might help communication between spouses. It teaches couples how to talk about their intimacy-needs using a vocabulary suited Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion by John Gray (first published 1995)
Added 4/8/13

I read this book several years ago and found it to be very enlightening.

I think this book should be given as a gift to all engaged couples. Even married couples might benefit from it. It talks about the subject of intimacy in a straight-forward manner and might help communication between spouses. It teaches couples how to talk about their intimacy-needs using a vocabulary suited to the subject. Sometimes we just don't have the "words". This book gives them to you.

PS-I had confused this book with Gray's other book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Please forgive the mix-up. ...more
3

September 14, 2015

Enlightened Men Will Not Agree with Everything But...
there is still a lot of useful effective information here. I had a hard time getting into it because a lot seems formulaic. Also, I believe that true romance comes from the heart. For example, I don't question why I open the car door for a woman,, any woman. It's primarily about courtesy. So, there are two reasons why I open the car door for my partner. It's because I want her to know she's special and I will always go out of my way for her. I don't do it for her appreciation or respect. Any guy who has to ask "why should I open the door for her?" is truly unenlightened. Yet, there are many times in the book where Gray considers the totally unenlightened response to be the typical one. So, that was problematic for me.

I also consider my partner to be way more enlightened than many of the examples of how women are supposed to react. A lot of examples seemed to consist of very superficial samples of what romance is.

On the other hand, there was a lot of useful and informative discourse on how and why men got to be the way they are, and what the future may hold. I certainly didn't agree with all of it, but it definitely made me think.

On the postive side, when I was about 3/4 through, I told my partner what I was reading and asked if we could read it together and discuss it. Of course she agreed, and I am very much looking forward to covering some of what we will undoubtedly consider the more controversial material. You have your type of foreplay, we have ours......
2

Jun 11, 2008

This guys...John Gray that wrote this book is just a little weird when it comes to his idea of what sparks sexual interest in a relationship. Like...his ideas do not fit into the teachings of my religion. Therefore...I only give him two stars for this book. He is a wild sex psycho-lolagist...so good for him! It may help people in some respects in learning how men and women are different but, it won't help if the man doesn't read the book as well. Just telling a guy that this book said this or This guys...John Gray that wrote this book is just a little weird when it comes to his idea of what sparks sexual interest in a relationship. Like...his ideas do not fit into the teachings of my religion. Therefore...I only give him two stars for this book. He is a wild sex psycho-lolagist...so good for him! It may help people in some respects in learning how men and women are different but, it won't help if the man doesn't read the book as well. Just telling a guy that this book said this or that doesn't work...believe me...I've tried it! men will be men. The book asserts that men are misunderstood that...they only want physical gratification (or so people think) But that men really want emotional gratification and closeness also. Men go to work all day and are hardened by the world around them and from the time males grow up...they are taught not to show emotion. Therefore...the only way for them to get in touch with their feeling and emotions is through being close to a woman or having sex. So, the physical gratification is just one aspect of it. However...on the woman's side....it asserts that the man needs to be patient and loving and one of the main things that it asserts is that women love men with a "slow-hand". Well...this is true...women need to be seduced or feel like that to want to have sex. But...I give this book two stars not only for it's wierd methods of sparking interest like the "M" word but also because....men will not listen to this!!! They will keep on being impatient and stupid...they don't kno w how to stop acting like hormone controlled dummies and they won't stop! not for anyone or anything. Slow-hand???? yeah right....find me that dream guy. I would be happy for the rest of my freakng life!!! ...more
3

Jul 12, 2017

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. 3.5

I would recommend to read this with your partner, because besides the differences between men and women, everyone is different and has different tastes also when it comes to sex.
This needs to be with an openminded approach and be discussed with a partner who is willing to improve the relationship through open communication.

That's why I don't feel like giving a higher vote, because this shows how women are somehow disadvantaged to my eyes.
For example, when man wants sex and woman isn't in the 3.5

I would recommend to read this with your partner, because besides the differences between men and women, everyone is different and has different tastes also when it comes to sex.
This needs to be with an openminded approach and be discussed with a partner who is willing to improve the relationship through open communication.

That's why I don't feel like giving a higher vote, because this shows how women are somehow disadvantaged to my eyes.
For example, when man wants sex and woman isn't in the mood, she is advised to give him a quickie. When she initiates sex and he doesn't feel like to, she is advised to masturbate and invite him to join if he wants to.
I don't like this, but maybe there are real differences in men's brain that are unmovable even through open communication.
So that's why I would recommend to read it with your partner and discuss it together. Everyone is unique. ...more
2

Dec 08, 2015

Another book which I did not seek out on my own. Again, I do not agree with many of the concepts and advice given, as they conflict with other moral precepts to which I will adhere. I found it almost bizarre to think the author recommends women always give into their husbands request for physical intimacy...every single example he cited was a "yes" from the women, whether she wanted to or not. He thinks men are too fragile and easily damaged from rejection. I think there are other more powerful Another book which I did not seek out on my own. Again, I do not agree with many of the concepts and advice given, as they conflict with other moral precepts to which I will adhere. I found it almost bizarre to think the author recommends women always give into their husbands request for physical intimacy...every single example he cited was a "yes" from the women, whether she wanted to or not. He thinks men are too fragile and easily damaged from rejection. I think there are other more powerful spiritual sources to which he can turn to "get over it".

Being completely clueless as I am, I did like one quote in the chapter addressing romance: "Romance is anything that helps her to feel that she is not alone and that someone is there for her. Any little thing he can directly do for her says he cares and creates romance." ...more
1

Jul 29, 2008

I hesitate to even add this to my list and only do so as a warning. Though Gray makes some valid points, his approach is smutty and tasteless. Anything he offers that is of value is covered in Lamb & Brinley's "Between Husband and Wife", which is the book that I recommend. I do NOT recommend this one.
2

Jun 29, 2016

Read summer of 1995: A book to explain how men and women think differently and using this knowledge to make sex more satisfying. The way the author rewrites paragraphs in old to reiterate is really insulting to the reader.
3

Feb 04, 2017

Nothing groundbreaking here. Just good for the occasional reminder of what you should do to keep the passion alive in your married life.
1

July 24, 2013

Boring ...
This book was a real yawner ... There wasn't much new information or many concrete examples. Plus, the book seemed rather sexist.
3

Feb 12, 2015

Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion (1995) by Dr. John Gray is a useful book to help couples, either new or old, spark the rhythms of romance back into their relationship. Dr. Gray focuses mostly on sexual aspects in the relationship (as in chapters like “Sexual Confidence”, “The Joy of Quickies”, “Polarity Sex”, “Mechanical Sex versus Spontaneous Sex”, and “Sexual Anatomy and Oral Sex”) and the more basic fundamental aspects of a relationship (as in chapters Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion (1995) by Dr. John Gray is a useful book to help couples, either new or old, spark the rhythms of romance back into their relationship. Dr. Gray focuses mostly on sexual aspects in the relationship (as in chapters like “Sexual Confidence”, “The Joy of Quickies”, “Polarity Sex”, “Mechanical Sex versus Spontaneous Sex”, and “Sexual Anatomy and Oral Sex”) and the more basic fundamental aspects of a relationship (as in chapters like “Women are Like the Moon, Men are Like the Sun”, “Why Couples Are Having Less Sex”, “How to Rekindle the Passion”, and “Keeping the Romance Alive”). And most of the chapters do provide useful tips for keeping or igniting passion into the bedroom (or living room if that is you and your partner’s preference).

At times the advice is dated (after all, the book was published 20 years ago and lots can change in two decades), but at times Dr. Gray knows exactly what he is talking about and offers some lasting advice (after all, how much can men and women and sex really change in two short decades?). But in the end, as Dr. Gray opines: “There is no better aphrodisiac than sex itself. The easier it is to have sex, the more you want it” (p 105). And, hopefully, you want lots of sex with that most special someone in your life, right?

The good news is that older women are the ones who enjoy sex more than older men. Dr. Gray comments on this paradox:

“As a general rule, men peak in their sexual interest when they are seventeen or eighteen years old. A woman reaches her prime when she is thirty-six to thirty-eight years old. It is similar to the pattern that men and women experience during sex. The man gets excited very quickly with little foreplay—except the opportunity to have sex—while a woman requires more time. Quite naturally, he feels that women don’t like sex as much as he does” (p 88).

One rule Dr. Gray suggests is for men to add a ‘0’ behind their usual 2-3 minute-marathon to have a clear understanding that many women need 20-30 minutes to become fully warmed to great sex and even the possibility of an orgasm (p 63). Certainly this does not mean for every man and woman, but Dr. Gray speaks about the general norm for most men and women.

Here is some particularly useful advice from Mars and Venus in the Bedroom:

“The sexual act for a woman is a process of discovering what feels good that day,” explains Dr. Gray. “She does not want her partner to follow any premeditated rigid plan. She would rather that sex be a spontaneous creation each time, appropriate to how both partners are feeling…

“She wants him to know that each time her mood may be different. She wants him to know how to discover with her what she wants. She wants him to be sensitive to her feedback that will assist him in leading her to higher states of fulfilment and pleasure.

“To do this, a man needs to know the basics of great sex and to be willing to experiment by rotating his various skills. Like an artist, he needs to be very familiar with the basic colors of sex and then experiment with how they combine to create a new work of art. Like a musician, he needs to know the basic notes and chord combinations to create a beautiful piece of music” (p 151-152).

In other words, Dr. Gray is advising men to be prepared by doing their homework on a woman’s physical composition (i.e., to know how and where to please a woman on her body), to have enough knowledge on sexual positions to keep the woman guessing (i.e., study! study!), and also to practice! practice! practice! (Not such bad advice if you ask me—men and women could all use a little more practice at love-making).

Dr. Gray continues:

“These different expressions of her sexual nature are not planned or thought out, but instead are discovered in the moment.

“When a woman has the freedom to be spontaneous, these different expressions and others will naturally come up and be expressed. When a man carefully takes the time to stimulate a woman with no expectations of how she is supposed to respond, over time she feels safer and safer in sex to do and express whatever she feels. This uninhibited sexual expression frees her to experience new heights of sexual ecstasy” (p 153).

According to Dr. Gray, men need to be patient enough to control their passions and learn to read a woman to help her open up her sexual passions in a spontaneous way. The more the man takes control and is careful to give the woman an orgasm first, the more the man and woman are able to fully explore the gratifications and pleasure of sex together. But Dr. Gray has a bit of advice on the relationship side of being involved with the opposite sex:

“Many men don’t realize why monogamy is so important,” writes Dr. Gray (and he’s absolutely right about this and what follows), “They don’t instinctively understand that monogamy ensures that a woman continues to feel special and loved. If she is not feeling loved in this way, she cannot continue to open herself to him. Trust is essential for a woman to continue getting turned on to her partner” (p 157).

Trust is key for building not only a solid relationship but also amazing sex. The more the woman is able to trust the monogamy and man in the relationship the more she is freed to open up and express her passion and desires in the bedroom (or in the kitchen on the floor).

But the problem with most men, unlike many women, is control. And Dr. Gray speaks about two kinds of control: that of the body and that of the mind:

“When I am turned on to another woman,” confides Dr. Gray, “I look down at myself and think, ‘I’m glad everything down there is working.’ Then I point in the opposite direction and say, ‘Home, James.’ This is called ‘dick-discipline!’”

And more follows, “Just by containing my sexual feelings and repeatedly directing them to my wife, I increase my ability to be turned on to her. Also by controlling my feelings when I am away from her, I have more control in sex…

“When a man can both feel his passion and control it, a woman can begin to let go of control, release her inhibitions, and start to really feel her passions. As a man learns to control his passions, not only does he help his partner reach higher levels of fulfilment, but he can also experience greater levels of sexual pleasure and love…

“When a man is in control, it means that his passions is so great that he could easily have an orgasm, but instead he holds back and gradually builds up his partner’s passion…

“When a woman is able to surrender and fully receive a man, he can easily maintain control while feeling increasing passion. When she is able to relax, receive, and enjoy his loving touch, he can last longer. He can continue giving as long as she is fully receiving” (p 159-161).

The lesson from Dr. Gray is that if you give more, you will certainly get more. Try focusing less on your own passions and lusts and desires but focus on making your partner happier and more fulfilled (in both life and in the bedroom) and you just might get some benefits as well.

The truth is sex and relationship is not a one-way street in a busy construction-loaded city; it’s more of a hand-in-hand union walking beside a swan lake and when no one is around—since this is a privately owned lake park by you and your special partner—you throw off your clothes and make wild, mad love until dusk as the swans swim by with their wide, innocent eyes). Sex and relationships are a partnership, a product of two people (most of the time) working together, caring together, and loving together more and more each day.

But much like life, as well as in the bedroom (or in the shower), women want spontaneity, to be surprised, to be kept guessing, to continue to be allowed to feel the magic of life and love and romance. “A woman,” writes Dr. Gray, “feels most excited when she doesn’t know what he is going to do next [in the bedroom? in the car? in the backyard?]. Predictability is a turnoff…

“A man needs to remember that variety is very important to women” (p 145, 178).
And both sexes should remember some sage advice from Dr. Gray:

“Just as great communication opens a woman up to enjoy great sex, the possibility of great sex directly helps a man to be more loving in the relationship” (p 99). It’s a yin and yang kind of thing—you know, the sun and moon, the white and black, the one and the other.

Most women need to talk to connect while most, if not all, men need sex to connect—that’s just a fact of biology. Many women and men are simply wired differently and need to remember not only how to please themselves but how to please their partners even more. These are some of the advanced skills Dr. Gray mentions in his book.

And so we come to that time and place where an end is required (oh, how I hate endings, but these do lead to new doors and newer paths ahead), and so I will choose to end as Dr. Gray ends Mars and Venus in the Bedroom:

“By keeping the romance alive and practicing advanced bedroom skills,” explains Dr. Gray, “you can and will continue to enjoy great sex. May you always grow in love and passion and enjoy God’s special gift. You deserve it” (p 206).

Yes, yes you do.

Keep reading and smiling…
...more
1

Jul 31, 2015

There were a few insightful stories and tips, but overall I was very disappointed in this book. Although some things can be gleaned, a majority were not in-line with my worldview and standards.
2

Apr 26, 2013

Useful as a springboard for conversation. Just don't swallow his sweeping statements hook, line, and sinker.

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