November 19, 2017
Shook the Foundations of my Skepticism
brother recommended Many Lives, Many Masters to me. Had he not, I
probably would not have read it. But this is one area where we really
connect (intellectually) when we fail in other areas (emotionally,
I used to believe in psychic phenomena. I used to
believe I was actually psychic to a degree, all topics addressed in my
memoir. I was born and raised Catholic but shied from Catholicism as the
Church illustrated God as something to be terrified of and terrorized
by. This was back in the 80’s when I was a wee child but I still never
was able to get over the psychological trauma and the indelible God
impression that was imprinted in my mind and soul with more fearful
connotations than Satan.
I always preferred to believe in the
mystical things, but whatever I believed in shattered when my mother
died young of a heart attack at the age of 52. For over a decade, I’ve
struggled with this impossible grief and inability to make sense of
anything. I never asked my brother why he read this book. He never told
me. He just said to read it and that it might change my perspective on
So I read it—in almost one sitting, which is practically
damn near impossible with an 8 month old at your heels. I read some of
it to him (because who says you can’t read a baby “adult” books?). At
first I questioned whether this was some grand scheme that was concocted
for mild fame and fortune… or at least some best selling recognition.
But as I read more, the story rang true. It was either brilliant
concocted with randomly missing pieces and gaps that just never were
filled in to give it a ring of truth to it… or it just was… possibly
I’ve decided that I’m going to believe it’s true. I am glad
I have made that decision because in doing so it has given me the first
kind of peace I have felt in over a decade. I have a little bit of hope
that one day I will be reconnected with my mother, my best friend and
that we will have the chance to work though our relationship in a way we
didn’t get to in this life time.
I’ve decided I’m going to use
this life and not waste another second of it. I feel so much lighter
making that decision. I have more patience with my little baby. It’s
hard. I am not a single mother but I live like one. I only see my fiance
on the weekends and my precious little baby zaps all of my energy but I
started to see things differently, even in my moments of exhaustion.
I’ve started to view him as a little being who chose to come back to
this earth to be reunited with me and I have to do whatever is in my
power to guide him on this journey and to help him learn his life
lessons so we can both reach higher planes when we transition. I feel
blessed that my little man chose me, not burdened anymore – which I was
sometimes feeling in my isolation.
I even like to think that my
mother and my grandmother had a hand in sending him down to me from
“Heaven” or another plane/dimension…. somewhere up there. It has given
me this immense appreciation for my little one and this book has given
me a new way to look at life. I saw a mother behind me in the Starbucks
drivethru today and I picked up the tab for her order. I just wanted to
share something with her – mother-to-mother, to do a nice deed for
someone else. I want to learn these life lessons not only for myself but
I think it’s important for anyone that knows this information to share
it and help others to reach their potential on this plane so they can
transition over with ease when the time comes.
I have enough
burdens in this life. I don’t want to carry them over when I cross.
Maybe it’s all BS. But maybe it’s not. And the worst thing that can
happen if it is BS and living like it’s not – is that we make the world a
better place, regardless of what happens when it ends or when we end.