Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs Info

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Reviews for Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs:

1

November 22, 2018

Please, read something else.
I am a counseling psychologist who specializes in clinical treatment and research of couples and marriage. I read this book out of curiosity.
There are few books on the market that are 1) as popular as this book and 2) leave me more heartbroken due to misinformation.
I think this book does well to highlight that love and respect are, indeed, very key aspects of relationships (for both partners, btw: women also need respect, and men also need love). I completely see how some, without a critical eye of the book, are positively impacted by the message.

However, the author boldly claims that connection and communication are principles that only wives are interested in (false).
Perhaps most harrowing, the author declares proudly that his book helped a woman return to her husband, who was abusive for many years, because she learned to "keep her mouth shut" and give him some respect (this is NOT how domestic abuse should be handled). He also shares a story where he was frustrated at his wife because she was frustrated with him for not getting a proper card (basically said don't get mad at me that i got the wrong card, just deal with it and don't get mad!) Another example that seemed particularly childish to me was that the author complained that his wife insisted he pick his wet towels up after his shower...

Half of the book is literally the author discussing the blessing his book is and how important love and respect are (it could be easily shortened to about 50 pages without his self-affirming stories or reviews).

Please, instead of this book, read: Love Sense or Created for Connection by Sue Johnson; The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman; I Hear You by Michael Sorensen...... Anything else. Really.
5

January 14, 2017

just were always butting heads trying to get the other to change/not understanding why we were always butting heads when we love
We just celebrated our 30th anniversary. This book and video series was the only thing that genuinely helped us. All our other marriage seminars, books, etc. focused on communication. We were communicating fairly well, just were always butting heads trying to get the other to change/not understanding why we were always butting heads when we loved each other and agreed on so many life issues. This book changed our marriage for the first time, because it helped me understand that my husband is just plain wired differently and MUST feel respect. He would get mad, but I'd have no idea why - because I was looking from a female perspective. Finally, as I changed my interactions with him, he felt respected and calmed down. He had always treated me very well, but after I changed, his feelings for me seemed to go deeper. I could go on but won't. I recommend this book and ministry to everyone I encounter.
1

September 14, 2018

Misogynistic and damaging
I am a Christian who believes in biblical gender roles. While the author's ideas sound good on the surface and the colored glasses analogy is helpful, this book ultimately does more harm than good. There is a subtle misogyny in the author's language that weighed on me while reading. His opinions are not congruent with my understanding of my identity in Christ. The author also plays fast and loose with scripture, taking passages out of context and building his own narratives around them, neglecting the whole of biblical witness. This was very damaging to me as a new wife trying to find my footing. I finally felt validated after my father (a long-time conservative Christian) told me he saw this author speak and also thought it was a sham. For wisdom in navigating your marriage, stick to the actual Bible and healthy Christian community.
1

September 10, 2018

Unable to finish
Our church group of young couples attempted to read, but we were unable to finish it. This book is very critical of women.
1

Feb 28, 2012

I read this book as a part of a small group of friends. I tried to enter into the discussion with an open mind, but I have to be honest: this book is terrible. There's just no easy way to say this: the author is a chauvinist. The basic premise of the book is based on Ephesians 5:33: "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." It built a case up for why women should always respect their husbands, regardless of his actions, and I read this book as a part of a small group of friends. I tried to enter into the discussion with an open mind, but I have to be honest: this book is terrible. There's just no easy way to say this: the author is a chauvinist. The basic premise of the book is based on Ephesians 5:33: "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." It built a case up for why women should always respect their husbands, regardless of his actions, and thus the husband will love his wife in return. In other words, women are to take the initiative. The author seemed to imply that if a woman does not show her husband his "due" respect, then she is to be punished by having love withheld. This is one of the most disturbing concepts I have ever heard. I feel that love and respect both have their place in a romantic relationship. Women deserve respect, and men deserve love. It goes without saying, however, that the woman will love her husband, according to this book. Nowhere does it mention respecting the wife.

I really wanted to toss this book after only a couple of chapters, but I plugged away. I'm almost sorry that I did, as there was a chapter that referenced a woman that was in an abusive relationship and how she was counseled to show her husband more respect and his behavior would change. Again, I haven't read anything this disturbing in a long time. I do not believe that the Bible condones this whatsoever; if I did, I would not be a follower of Christ. This book has very little to say what Christ teaches on the matter (how He treated women as equals in a society that did not), and everything to say about Saint Paul's views (which, I admit, at times, border on misogynistic). I would not recommend this book to anyone. ...more
5

January 16, 2018

Great read.
Great, awesome book. I'm in the mental health field and I appreciate this author's take on relationships and what they consider to be important. Truthfully I'm personally agnostic, but thankfully I was open enough to allow myself to read the book and incorporate those standard wants and desires from the opposite sex into a fitting role model for a true harmonious living. I can see how this information works and would encourage anyone in family counseling to pick up the book and give it a try.
1

Jan 16, 2008

I have to say that I did not enjoy reading this book at all and would not recommend it to anyone. First, it bothers me that he bases the vast majority of the books basis on a single verse. The description for this book says that Dr. Emerson has done extensive biblical research on his proposed idea of men needing respect and women needing love. However, I see very little that verifies this claim. Extensive biblical research would show Dr. Emerson’s thorough and careful exegesis of Ephesians 5:33, I have to say that I did not enjoy reading this book at all and would not recommend it to anyone. First, it bothers me that he bases the vast majority of the books basis on a single verse. The description for this book says that Dr. Emerson has done extensive biblical research on his proposed idea of men needing respect and women needing love. However, I see very little that verifies this claim. Extensive biblical research would show Dr. Emerson’s thorough and careful exegesis of Ephesians 5:33, which would include the historical background, the verses (and even chapters) surrounding the verse, the background and point of the book of Ephesians as a whole, who wrote the book, why it was written, and who it was written for, as well as a look at the greek that the original verse was written in. That would be extensive biblical research, what Dr. Emerson did in this book, I’m afraid, is not an example of this in the least.

Tying along with that thought, I can find no sources in the back of his book where Dr. Emerson credits the work of anyone else. Pretty much the entire book is comprised of his own research and inflated with lots of inserts that he has received from readers or people who attended his seminars. While that’s very nice and all, it hardly counts as a credible source that would support his findings. On page 14 he says this:

”The insight that I finally found in Scripture, and which I later confirmed from reading scientific research…” (emphasis added)

What scientific research is this?

Who knows, he never tells us!

I find it very hard to consider Dr. Emerson’s book from an academic standpoint when he only quotes his supporters and I can find nothing that any of his colleagues or others on the same standing as himself in the subject may say about his love and respect idea.

Despite numerous other reasons for my dislike of Dr. Emerson’s book, these two reasons are enough to completely discredit the book in my mind. Beyond these two reasons it is obvious as you read the book that the entire thing appears to be a huge infomercial for his seminars and DVDs, which is terrible. I continually get the impression that I am trying to be sold something.

All in all, the book is a great advertisement and appears to be very effective in promoting Love and Respect Ministries. However, I believe anyone looking to strengthen their marriage or prepare to go into one look to other, much more credible, books. I personally suggest His Needs Her Needs by Dr. Harley. ...more
5

August 25, 2017

Every married person should have this tool
I have this book already but ordered it for someone else, from Amazon. This is a very good guide. Definitely something to purchase before getting married or as a wedding gift. Initially, I felt like, my husband should be reading this book when I first read it. Till this day, he has never read this book!

From reading this book I noticed by making small changes in the way I communicated and reacted I began to see big time changes in my marriage. This was just one of the tools that helped me out during a rough time in my marriage and I have been married as of today for 12 years, early on, I wasn't sure how long our marriage would last.
4

June 4, 2018

A new perspective
I'm thankful for stumbling upon this book. Living in a world that propagates feminine empowerment to extremes I didn't realize how negatively those ideas were impacting my relationship through means of disrespect. I have stepped back, observing and practicing some of the teachings in this book, and have seen a positive impact on my perspective & relationship. The only reason I didn't rate 5 stars is due to the excessive amount of personal experiences at the beginning of the book. While a few are helpful I felt it could have been reduced down & gotten to the teachings sooner.
5

August 16, 2018

This book changed my marriage
I paid $1.96 for a used copy of this book and it saved my marriage. For five years my marriage has descended into an ugly "crazy cycle." It was filled with confusion, betrayal, bitterness, and resentment. I think we both started to see each other as the enemy.

Normally when I have read books on marriage it feels like a ton of information but not really any tools to utilize it. This book blew my mind. It felt like the author held me personally accountable for my own awful behavior without any excuses. I cried a lot while reading this. There's a part where the author asked how you'd feel if a woman spoke to your son the way you speak to your husband. I was horrified. But it was a good wakeup call. My husband is listening to it on audio book and we've been communicating effectively for the first time in eight years together. We "got it" Dr.

I read this book as an atheist but still found it incredibly useful and relatable. But this book may not help those who are not in a traditional role and certainly not anyone in an abusive relationship.
5

Jan 05, 2009

The best marriage book I've found so far. Based on the fact that women need love and men need respect. For years that concept turned me off of reading this book, until the wall was so great that I had nowhere else to turn to find out how to talk to my husband again. This book saved my marriage by teaching me how to talk to my hubby in a way that showed him what I was feeling in my heart in a way he understood.

By the way, I don't recommend taking this book from page 1 if you are in dire The best marriage book I've found so far. Based on the fact that women need love and men need respect. For years that concept turned me off of reading this book, until the wall was so great that I had nowhere else to turn to find out how to talk to my husband again. This book saved my marriage by teaching me how to talk to my hubby in a way that showed him what I was feeling in my heart in a way he understood.

By the way, I don't recommend taking this book from page 1 if you are in dire straights. Instead read the chapters that call out to you the most i.e. She Fears Being a Doormat; He's Tired of "Just Not Getting It" and She Worries About Being a Hypocrite; He Complains "I Get No Respect!" In the end I didn't read the entire book but what I did read gave me more than enough to initiate breaking down the wall with my hubby. Thank God. ...more
1

Mar 31, 2013

Love & Respect is one of the worst so-called biblical books on marriage that I have ever read which is not an over exaggeration. The writer's egregious exegesis should not be ignored. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs clearly hates women and uses twisted biblical concepts to degrade and humiliate women while promoting male superiority. At no time does he acknowledge that love is God's first priority. His video series is equally demeaning to women and glorifies the male ego to the exclusion of a woman's Love & Respect is one of the worst so-called biblical books on marriage that I have ever read which is not an over exaggeration. The writer's egregious exegesis should not be ignored. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs clearly hates women and uses twisted biblical concepts to degrade and humiliate women while promoting male superiority. At no time does he acknowledge that love is God's first priority. His video series is equally demeaning to women and glorifies the male ego to the exclusion of a woman's God-given needs. He is rude, caricature-ish, disrespectful, and abusive to women all while attempting to be funny. Eggerichs essentially blames women for the majority of all problems in marriage while giving a free pass to men on their sinful nature which is the result of the fall of man from a Christian's perspective.

I found this book to be misogynistic drivel based on gross misinterpretation of one scripture verse which is wholly unsupported by Christ's own example of male/female relationships in the Bible. Eggerichs carefully yet decidedly fails to support his androcentric arguments without once pointing to Christ Himself. The book has a thinly veiled bitter tone against women throughout; however, the DVD seminar punctuates clearly Eggerichs true motives in presenting such biblically unsupported material: to feed his ego and gain attention/admiration. Eggerichs is a classic narcissist.

One of the more glaring tools of manipulation that Eggerichs uses to shame women into showing respect for their husbands, without holding husbands accountable for selfishness, is the “he would die for you” mantra which, by the way, is wholly unsupported by scripture. The reality is that there are numerous examples in the Bible beginning with Adam that speak directly OPPOSITE to this assertion and he cleverly ignores these examples in favor of his own ear-tickling words. In my opinion, Eggerichs deliberating fails to recognize that Adam, in his pre-fallen state selfishly allowed Eve to make his decision for him in lieu of following the truth that he received first-hand from God Almighty, and then does not hesitate to throw Eve under the bus for his lack of leadership. Did Adam willingly choose to die for Eve as a result? No. He blamed her in order to save his own skin for his sinfulness and then when that didn't work, he blamed God.

Here’s another example that shows a lack of “he would die for you” mentality in the Bible by so-called Godly men. Have we forgotten Abraham who tried to save his own neck by portraying Sarah as only his sister and not also his wife to the Pharaoh of Egypt? Abraham was so fearful of losing his own life that he said to Sarah, “I know what a beautiful woman you are. When the Egyptians see you, they will say, 'this is his wife.' Then they will kill me but will let you live. Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you." Not exactly supportive of Eggerichs demanding insistence that being respectful somehow makes a man want to die for his wife. Utter excrement! There are other meaningful examples as well such as King David but I need not belabor the point that Eggerichs has no Biblically supported clue regarding man's inherent and ungodly lack of desire to protect anyone but himself.

Eggerichs is extraordinarily prideful in the presentation of the material that he so obviously wants to be true regardless of Biblical evidence to the contrary. He's made a fortune on this false dichotomy, in fact. This book is remarkably redundant, poorly written, and strongly biased in its message. I remind you that respect is not something exclusive in terms of need to men or have we forgotten 1 Peter 3: 7 & 8? I would never recommend this book and/or video series to anyone seeking to seriously understand and improve their marriage in God's way. If I could give this book half a star, I would.

*For a greater understanding of my concerns regarding Eggerichs L&R, please follow the link below to review Mark Baker's academic study regarding the many flaws of this damaging teaching.

http://www.hopeforlifeonline.com/wp-c...
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1

Jul 31, 2013

My boyfriend's parents bought us this book because they found it so helpful for their own marriage. My boyfriend and I read it together, but we only finished it because we told his parents we'd read it.

As a woman, I found I did not relate *at all* to most of what Eggerichs claims about women. Yes, I desire love, but I desire respect at least as much, possibly more so, and frankly I don't think the two ideas are as separate as this book suggests. Eggerichs fails to clearly define either "love" or My boyfriend's parents bought us this book because they found it so helpful for their own marriage. My boyfriend and I read it together, but we only finished it because we told his parents we'd read it.

As a woman, I found I did not relate *at all* to most of what Eggerichs claims about women. Yes, I desire love, but I desire respect at least as much, possibly more so, and frankly I don't think the two ideas are as separate as this book suggests. Eggerichs fails to clearly define either "love" or "respect" or what makes them different, and then muddles the two over and over (and over and over and over) with his many anecdotal stories. Being disrespectful *is* unloving. Those aren't separate things.

Eggerichs repeatedly asserts that when a woman is angry or upset or aggressive it's because she feels unloved--as if love is all women desire and the lack of it is all that can upset them. I reject that. Sometimes I get angry because my boyfriend hasn't thought ahead, or I feel I'm pulling more of the weight than he is, or he said he was going to do something and then didn't. I don't feel unloved--I know he loves me. I also know he makes mistakes sometimes, and I'm not so fragile and needy as to think that every single time he makes a mistake, maybe he doesn't really love me after all! That's ridiculous, and it's a pretty dim view of women to think we are all so insecure that every time we're upset, it's because we're not sure we're loved.

I particularly reject Eggerichs call to wives to be silently respectful so that their husbands will be interested in their thoughts and feelings. I think healthy relationships are founded on good communication, and silence is the opposite of that. Yes, of course, there are counterproductive and disrespectful ways to communicate, but it's not as if the options are (a) disrespect or (b) silence. If I disagree with my boyfriend, I will tell him so, and tell him why, and then we will talk about it. I won't yell at him, won't call him names or be sarcastic or derisive. I will just talk to him. That has worked wonderfully for us so far and I intend to continue to do so.

And, by the way, if my boyfriend disagrees with me he does the same. In the "Peacemaking" chapter, Eggerichs tells men to apologize "even if in your mind most of the guilt or blame is hers." I hate that advice. Am I so irrational and emotional that my boyfriend must pretend to think he's wrong and I'm right in order to resolve an issue? If he tells me he really thinks I'm wrong, will I just crumble and cry and feel unloved? Absolutely not. I am an intelligent, rational person and I am fine with arguing different perspectives until we come to an understanding. As long as both my boyfriend and I are seeking to resolve our issues, we can be honest about disagreements and work through them. I don't need--nor do I ever want--him to patronize me by pretending to think I'm right. I'm a big girl, I can handle him disagreeing with me.

Both my boyfriend and I felt a little horrified at some of the anecdotal examples Eggerichs provides. Perhaps it's because we've only been together four years (as opposed to decades), but we could not imagine being so disrespectful and having such poor communication skills as many of the husbands and wives Eggerichs describes. I don't belittle my boyfriend in front of other people, behind his back, or to his face. I don't belittle him, period, because I respect him. And he doesn't "stonewall" me when he's upset. He tells me why he disagrees and we figure it out together.

Perhaps if our relationship had devolved to the level of disrespect many of these couples describe, this book would have seemed insightful. Overall, though, we both found it filled with ridiculous oversimplifications, flawed gender stereotypes, and way, way too much repetition.

I will say, though, that "Love & Respect" has been good for our relationship. It has inspired a lot of conversations about how much we agree with each other in our disagreement with this book. It makes us grateful that we can communicate and that we respect each other as thinking adults. ...more
1

April 1, 2019

Appalling
I must say that I'm absolutely stunned at how many women have given this book positive reviews. This author's misogynistic view points left me absolutely befuddled and even my significant other (who is very much a man's man and a traditionalist) saw the issues with this book. We discussed what we had read together and then put it down after the first chapter. And never picked it up again. He was surprised I had even ordered a book like that when our whole relationship is based on equality and MUTUAL love and respect. Not just me respecting him and him loving me. He also respects me and I love him. Very unimpressed with this author and what he's written.
5

September 25, 2018

Best relationship book with unexpected joys
I knew I needed this book when my sister referred it to me when I was seriously confused and in relationship trouble.

I flipped through it and realized it was going to tell me things I really needed to know.
But it also seemed to have Jesus on almost every page... and I was an atheist.

I figured, "I can just ignore all the biblical references, cuz I'm THAT hungry to learn what it's teaching about relationships."

Well, I cried tears of recognition of deep truths on every single page. I read it avidly on a cross-country flight. I cried until I had to blow my nose, and put the book down for a minute to let stuff sink in. Then I picked it up and back at it, til I cried til I had to blow my nose again. This for a whole six hour flight. I've never experienced anything like this.

But let me warn you. This book had the very unexpected effect of steering me back to Christ.

And now I hope it has that effect on others. They will not regret it.

Great gift for any beloved relative or friend who's having serious relationship problems!
5

November 13, 2015

Simply put, my marriage is on the rocks! I heard about this book and listened to the audio book. Now I'm ordering the book so that I can thoroughly study it and share with the wyfee! I pray it resignates with her spirit as it did with me! Amen!
5

Sep 28, 2012

I don’t know if everyone will view this book with the same ‘Aha’ I did or if it is just the timing in my life.
Some women don’t like this book because they view it as blaming women; my husband hates every sermon on marriage because he views it as blaming men. I think this book is very balanced and contains the proper amount of disclaimers on stereotypes, etc; and gives hundred examples of how both sides can start off the crazy cycle of her disrespect makes him unloving, repeat (though once he I don’t know if everyone will view this book with the same ‘Aha’ I did or if it is just the timing in my life.
Some women don’t like this book because they view it as blaming women; my husband hates every sermon on marriage because he views it as blaming men. I think this book is very balanced and contains the proper amount of disclaimers on stereotypes, etc; and gives hundred examples of how both sides can start off the crazy cycle of her disrespect makes him unloving, repeat (though once he said the wife being critical and negative often kicks it off…). He takes one verse in the Bible and writes a long book on it, this bothers some people, though he does refer to other scripture as it pertains; and if you don’t like personal stories, then this book will drive you crazy. The concepts of ‘blue/pink’ and crazy cycle are named rather cheesiely, but as still good concepts. I didn't read the middle section addressed to men on showing love so I can’t judge that yet. Some say that he says the women should take the start but the book clearly says whoever feels they are more mature should be the one to die to self and start off the positive cycle.
But back to women feeling blamed, really if you think about it, what is more liberating-saying things are bad and are mostly his fault so I’ll just wait and hope things get better and he will love me the way I want OR saying things are bad and they are part his fault and part mine (and the my part could be anywhere from 1% to 99%, as Bill Clinton says, “No one is right all the time and a broken clock is right two times a day.” though he was referring to politics not marriage, anyway), so let me take some principles and work on self improvement in showing respect and see what happens, which could 1-be complete restoration as my respect motivates his love or 2-somewhat improvement or 3-nothing changes except me realizing that I am obeying God’s word to unconditionally respect my husband?
Some good thoughts to remember:
We often think all are supposed to love unconditionally but people have to earn respect, this isn’t true, both should be given unconditionally in obedience to God.
Women don’t often stop to think of the ways we are behaving disrespectfully. We often think we have things together at home and scheduling, etc and order our husbands around but then lament that they then aren’t more leaders. We often think that we have things more together spiritually and lovingly try to change them to our image of what a Christian husband should be and make them feel judged and guilty. We often try to behave as their Holy Spirit instead of (this is biblical too, and until reading this book I don’t think I understood it) letting our quietness and respect change hearts. We try to change them and even when motivated by love, don’t realize that it comes across as disrespect. We often are tired and grouchy and negative around our husbands and save our best behavior for the world when really we need some self control and to go to God to vent. Often we give the impression (often unknowingly) that while we love our husbands we don’t really like them, which makes them feel contempt and can totally ruin a relationship. (and don’t worry in all these topics he gives lots of disclaimers about abuse, the need for honesty, etc)
He gives lots of great practically examples about words to use, keeping it light and how to remember that men and women see the world, their relationships and communication in different lights.
I could go on and I really should read it again but hopefully others will read this to improve an already good marriage. Of course this book isn’t the only word out there; there is much more to having a good marriage and much more in the Bible on the topic but for any couple who has been bombarded with the guy just needs to shape up message, or someone who wants a different look from the ‘just love more’ idea, this is a great book.
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1

Aug 27, 2011

I believe this author has it wrong thinking women are more interested in "FEELING loved" than in BEING respected and treated like intellectual equals. So many women go out of their way to respect (and love) their men to the point of being doormats and yet still feel unloved and disrespected, and are then hit on the head with Bible passages to boot.

It would be beneficial if the author spent equal time showing men healthy ways to communicate what they need in order to feel respected (and loved). I I believe this author has it wrong thinking women are more interested in "FEELING loved" than in BEING respected and treated like intellectual equals. So many women go out of their way to respect (and love) their men to the point of being doormats and yet still feel unloved and disrespected, and are then hit on the head with Bible passages to boot.

It would be beneficial if the author spent equal time showing men healthy ways to communicate what they need in order to feel respected (and loved). I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated, feeling the entire weight of making a relationship work was placed squarely on my (the woman) shoulders, no matter how hard I tried. I just disagree with this book on so many levels.

The author takes one scripture verse out of the context of life and the rest of the Bible and makes an entire book out of it. The bottom line in my opinion, is that respect is foundational in any relationship, no matter the gender. Respect deserves far more complex analysis and definition than this book even begins to touch. ...more
5

Sep 02, 2018

Okay, so I'm a lifelong single guy. Still, most of my good friends are of the opposite gender, as are most of my extended family members-aunts, female cousins, etc.--who I talk to often. However, I've also had plenty of problems with the fairer sex, as well; most of the people who have unfriended me on Facebook have fallen into that category, and many of them were my coevals. So, my track record with the ladies has been kind of a mixed bag.

That's why the message of this book was important to me. Okay, so I'm a lifelong single guy. Still, most of my good friends are of the opposite gender, as are most of my extended family members-aunts, female cousins, etc.--who I talk to often. However, I've also had plenty of problems with the fairer sex, as well; most of the people who have unfriended me on Facebook have fallen into that category, and many of them were my coevals. So, my track record with the ladies has been kind of a mixed bag.

That's why the message of this book was important to me. Sure, I can respect people; I've even tried to be an advocate for people (or pets) that got on my nerves. I hate to see any human being get mistreated, regardless of who he/she is or what he/she has done. Respecting people isn't enough, though; you have to show love. After all, the greatest commandments tell us to love God and to love our neighbor. This book inspired me to make a change on that front. ...more
2

Jan 06, 2012

I like the idea that women need love and men need respect. When I read this basic statement, a light bulb went off in my head because this is how my husband and I function as people in a relationship. However, I do not think that this concept applies to ALL relationships. Some men value love more than respect, and women value respect more than love. And they all value both. Futhermore, I feel like the point of this book was made within the first few chapters. After that, it just got very I like the idea that women need love and men need respect. When I read this basic statement, a light bulb went off in my head because this is how my husband and I function as people in a relationship. However, I do not think that this concept applies to ALL relationships. Some men value love more than respect, and women value respect more than love. And they all value both. Futhermore, I feel like the point of this book was made within the first few chapters. After that, it just got very repetitive and was filled with endless snippets of emails from people praising the author for his help. I would have liked this book better if it was much shorter and only had a couple examples from people instead of one on every page! I did like the tips shared in the bullet points at the end of the chapters in the second section, but that was probably the only thing I found helpful. I was a bit taken aback by the constant reminder that men need to be the head of the household, women need to speak less, and the underlying bias in the book that men always deserve respect. I am a very strong, opinionated woman and felt like while I could change some things about myself, I will not become a silent, submissive wife. That's just not me. ...more
4

Mar 06, 2019

The diction and syntax are a bit evangelically, but the bones of this book are very good, and would be a great help to many couples I know.
1

Feb 12, 2011

Like many Christian books, the authors have a really insightful point, namely that women need love and men need respect. They make this point really well in about 10 pages. The rest of the book is a broken record containing this same point told over... and over... and over... and over... and over... and over... and... well, you get the point. Some of the stories are humorous, and they definitely help make the point in the beginning. But after about 25 pages there is no new information, just a Like many Christian books, the authors have a really insightful point, namely that women need love and men need respect. They make this point really well in about 10 pages. The rest of the book is a broken record containing this same point told over... and over... and over... and over... and over... and over... and... well, you get the point. Some of the stories are humorous, and they definitely help make the point in the beginning. But after about 25 pages there is no new information, just a repetition of the same mantra. Don't waste your money. Just ask someone to share the DVD with you from the back of the book. The DVD is a 30 minute book promo that gives you the basic gist of the entire book in only 2-3 minutes. Stop watching after that unless you enjoy watching infomercials. Good point, but it's overblown to sell books. ...more
1

September 26, 2019

Critical and condescending of women. Not biblical at all!
Oh my gosh, as a wife who personally has no problem with Submission or Loving and Respecting my husband, I was outraged by this book. I honestly don't know why it's got such good reviews. The author stereotypes both men and women giving false information on how they feel and why they do things, which is dangerous. A lot of the advice in this book is not Biblical, even though the Bible is quoted in areas. It pretty much tells a wife that by bringing up to her husband something he did to hurt her, such as forgetting her birthday, she's being disrespectful to him. Say what? No thank you! What's disrespectful instead is the husband forgetting his wife's birthday in the first place. So in other words the wife should respect her husband by keeping her mouth shut and not expressing her feelings.
1

Aug 27, 2009



I have always viewed books on relationships to be a little off. They always tend to lean in one direction. But I wanted to give this one a fair shot and I went into it with a clear mind.

This book revolves around the idea that women need to show respect and men need to show love. And it stops there. It left a bad taste in my mouth. I know many women that deserve respect and many men that crave love. However this isn’t explored. It may have worked at some point, but men like women with a soft

I have always viewed books on relationships to be a little off. They always tend to lean in one direction. But I wanted to give this one a fair shot and I went into it with a clear mind.

This book revolves around the idea that women need to show respect and men need to show love. And it stops there. It left a bad taste in my mouth. I know many women that deserve respect and many men that crave love. However this isn’t explored. It may have worked at some point, but men like women with a soft side, that don’t just say “YES SIR”

Once I realized this would be the context of the book, I moved on and accepted that each gender would be taught how to do those specific roles. Not quite the case. This book was written to essentially teach women how to respect the man. Any man that picks up this book will not be given ways on how to love a women. They will just be reinforced on the notion that they “deserve” respect.

Eggerichs example on how women prefer pink and men prefer blue (while some do) seems a bit outdated to me. While, yes, you go into an office for a woman and it has light colours, and an office for a man is usually draped in dark wood, it’s not like that is ALL they like. It made me laugh as I looked around my own office, then went to visit my husbands.

I found the following statement in this book rather irritating as well: “this is how a woman’s mind works” Really? You spoke with EVERY woman. You can’t even make that statement about men, how does he think it applies to women, who are typically more complex!!

I am not saying this book does not make good points. It does. But for me it was a little patronizing. And that would be fine, it is was the point of the book. But the whole point was to show BOTH sides of the issue and present them in a realistic way. A way that works with todays families. This point was missed in this book.

My advice to people, stop reading these books, and actually listed and talk to your partner.
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1

Mar 13, 2009

This is just another pop-psychology, appealing-to-the-masses-but-not-the-truth, feel-good book. It is so popular because it is in the same vein as The 5 Love Languages, His Needs/Her Needs, etc. which center on the anti-biblical/humanistic view of people as "love tanks"/"love banks" rather than the biblical understanding of who we really are (Gen 6:5; Jer 2:13; 17:9; Ecc 9:3; Mk 7:20-23; Gal 5:17; Rom 7, 8)

Yes, it does uses some Scripture, and even part of the book is true, yet any truth is This is just another pop-psychology, appealing-to-the-masses-but-not-the-truth, feel-good book. It is so popular because it is in the same vein as The 5 Love Languages, His Needs/Her Needs, etc. which center on the anti-biblical/humanistic view of people as "love tanks"/"love banks" rather than the biblical understanding of who we really are (Gen 6:5; Jer 2:13; 17:9; Ecc 9:3; Mk 7:20-23; Gal 5:17; Rom 7, 8)

Yes, it does uses some Scripture, and even part of the book is true, yet any truth is shouted down and perverted by the author's perversion of God's Word, God's character, human nature, and what we really need.

The thesis of the book:

A wife has ONE DRIVING NEED--to FEEL love. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has ONE DRIVING NEED--to FEEL respect. When that need is met, he is happy.

Can the body of Christ not see the flagrant theological errors and even out and out heresy in this foundation of the book?

here is a link to a more enhanced review: http://hopeforlifeonline.com/document...

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