Intimate Issues: Twenty-One Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex Info

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Intimate Issues answers the twenty-one questions about
sex most frequently asked by Christian wives, as determined by a
nationwide poll of over one thousand women. Written from the perspective
of two mature Christian wives and Bible teachers–women who
you’ll come to know as teachers and
friends–Intimate Issues is biblical and informative:
sometimes humorous, other times practical, but always honest. Through
its solid teaching warm testimonials, scriptural insights, and
experts’ advise, you’ll find resolution for your questions
and fears, surprising insights about God’s perspective on sex, and
a variety of practical and creative ideas for enhancing your physical
relationship with the husband you love.
With warmth and wisdom,
authors Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus speak woman to woman: examining
the teachings of Scripture, exposing the lies of the world, and
offering real hope that every woman’s marriage relationship can
become all it was intended to be in God’s design.

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Reviews for Intimate Issues: Twenty-One Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex:

3

March 12, 2006

A mixed bag
This book sounded more promising than it turned out to be. Alone, it has little real value, but if used as a base for conversation (like a women's Bible study or in premarital counseling) it has real merit.

1. The authors say things that need to be said and take a moderate view of sexuality. They are neither prudes nor libertines. I'm in my mid-20s and could feel comfortable talking through the book with a spiritual mentor or my mom.

2. It isn't an idealistic book promising unbridled passion. As a single, I found the discussion of how to work sex, marriage, and family together good, interesting, and realistic. They encourage women to make time for love and sex, to see it as a priority that underpins marriage and as such, enriches the whole family.

3. This is really about boundaries than it is instructional or explicit. Lots of other sources do that, and they mention resources.

4. They went over a lot of personal, inner-life issues that stand in the way of many women having a free, open sex life with their husbands. Sexual abuse, past sexual sins, abortion, body image, etc. are addressed compassionately and clearly. They speak freedom and forgiveness.

The negatives are worth considering...

1. I didn't learn anything, except that when I have kids, it might be a good idea to have a schedule to get the kids out and give us some alone time. They give suggestions for how to do that on a budget.

2. Most of the ideas for keeping the romance there were pretty cheesy. Maybe my generation is bombarded so much with sexuality that I'm inured.

3. This is a really big one for me--the book is duty-oriented. The first time it comes up, it's a nice example. Then it keeps coming. For a women's sex book, this focused a lot more on his needs than I thought was good. I got the message that yes, women are sexual and that's good, but your needs are still second to his because he's using sex to express the emotions he's not capable of saying (since he's a man and all). Carry on in your duty is the answer for a few problems or scenarios that I thought would be better dealt with in a therapy session with a Christian sex therapist (like inability to orgasm).

Would I buy it again or give it to a friend? Yes. If I were giving this to someone, though, I would give it with caveats and suggestions to read some other sex books. If people are looking for instruction and know what they believe already, why not branch out into the secular world on this topic since they write a lot more books on the subject than our side?
1

November 22, 2005

Only OPINIONS / Not who you should get advice from about sex.
I'm sorry to say that this book is typical of christian books on sex. The authors have a pre-determined opinion on a sexual subject, look for passages in the bible to support their opinion, then say that this proves they were right. They, like most christian authors, use the more common MISTRANSLATIONS of the bible (e.g. King James Version) and also ignore the passages in the bible that contradict their opinions. They also ignore what are the common interpretations of passages by biblical SCHOLARS (people who know what the bible means by studying the bible and related texts for most of their lives, along with the history and languages of the biblical cultures) and instead choose to believe whatever is the common interpretation that people they know have chosen. DON'T WASTE YOUR MONEY! If you truly want to learn about sex, you should do so from someone with at least a rudimentary education. God gave us a capacity for learning. I don't believe he wanted us to blindly follow people who have no good reason for what they believe other than that's just what everyone they know thinks. Also, the reason why so many women give high praises to this book in their reviews is that the author, since she is giving only opinions, tells misconceptions about what the bible says about sex that are believed by other women, thus reinforcing these misconceptions as well as earning praise for saying things with which others already wanted to believe. If you are in a marriage, think very carefully about what the effect will be if you do (or more likely do NOT do) the things this book says.
5

October 27, 2016

Closer than ever to my husband...AND God!
I see that this book really has some criticisms which I must wholeheartedly disagree with. With respect and without invalidating other opinions, it seems that stereotypes against Christian marriages may have played a role in some of these criticisms as well as reviewers' own sensitivities about certain issues (i.e. intimacy with your husband when you may not be in the mood). It also seems that some of these negative reviews were a result of others only skimming or just not reading clearly enough the core messages of this book. This book has brought me closer to my husband, and not just in the bedroom either. I have finally been able to ask for and accept God's grace for past sexual indiscretions that had been (unbeknownst to me) acting as a barrier between me, my husband and my relationship with God. I am now finding it so much easier to not only be intimate with my husband with a joyful heart but to enjoy that intimacy free of guilt.
1

July 12, 2012

UGH!
So, this book was recommended somewhere, so I read it. Because of course, it was from a Christian POV - I should read it.

I want those wasted hours my life back. I went in with a very open mind, and with complete positive intent towards the authors... but.

I mean "BUT!" It was not extremely well researched, it was from a complementarian/women-only-submission point of view and quite frankly was a "service him all the time, and learn to enjoy it" kind of book. The more you get together, the more you'll like, and the more you'll want, and the more you learn about your body, the more things will work out. (not quite)

And when it was not that way, it was very double talk... "Don't lose weight just because he says so! learn to love your body" - but every answer for the fact that you might not enjoy sex, or the fact you've had kids - "lose weight, exercise etc --- you'll feel much better about sex". Why not a full doctor checkup? Why not "see your OB/GYN stat!" or "talk to a marriage counselor"?

Then there was the go in the mirror and look at yourself and praise every body part that G-d so wonderfully made, and declare it so. Yeah.

There were some major stretches with Scripture.

There was some good in there, but like a pie with poop in it, it's not worth sifting through and finding the good parts of the pie to eat - it's all been contaminated. Yuck.
1

August 28, 2014

God would never tell a woman to lie down and be used and abused like an old spittoon
This has to be the most twisted and UN Christian book on intimate issues that I have ever read. Duty sex. Sex is for men. Women need to just 'suck it up' and 'do their duty'. Wow. How degrading to half the population on the planet. And more to the point. how degrading to HALF of GOD'S beloved children. God would never tell a woman to lie down and be used and abused like an old spittoon. God loves women. God does not want women to suffer sexual abuse or emotional abuse, not even from their husbands. It's a shame that another woman is spreading this kind of trash to women.
1

October 31, 2006

Account of Song of Solomon incorrect
Overall the writers of this book are to be commended for tackling the "final frontier" in christianity, however, I personally need more scripturally based answers and less opinion or anwers based on experiences. The account of the book of Song of Solomon is also incorrect, Solomon was not her intended lover, the king had desires for her, and she for another.
3

December 18, 2010

Didn't live up to the hype
I bought this book after several women in my bible study mentioned it; we were doing Every Woman's Marriage at the time. They couldn't say enough great things about this book. Eh, I wasn't impressed. The author seems to be very repetitive. I have limited time to read with a toddler and reading the same things over and over is frustrating! I didn't get any great ideas from the book. Will probably sell mine used on Amazon in the near future!
1

Apr 11, 2007

This paints a very backwards image of what sex really is. It starts with their understanding of Genesis and the two creation accounts described. They choose several verses and use them to make 7 points about the differences between men and women, only one of which demonstrates any kind of thoughtful understanding of what Genesis is really about. They actually say that man was created with a need (sex) and woman was created to fill that need. Ahh!

Over and over the authors describe how sex is to This paints a very backwards image of what sex really is. It starts with their understanding of Genesis and the two creation accounts described. They choose several verses and use them to make 7 points about the differences between men and women, only one of which demonstrates any kind of thoughtful understanding of what Genesis is really about. They actually say that man was created with a need (sex) and woman was created to fill that need. Ahh!

Over and over the authors describe how sex is to be the woman's ministry to her husband, that the Christian life is about not sinning (as opposed to actively pursuing things that are of Christ), and basically how women are sexually cold and men are cave manish in their pursuit of sex. I found it very shallow, not to mention frustrating, and would only recommend very small, particular portions of this book to anyone. ...more
5

March 29, 2018

Valuable Resource for Engaged/Married Women
I'm engaged to be married in a couple months. I picked up this book because I was curious (who isn't?) and had a lot of questions and reservations about sex. It has been such a valuable resource to me! It's so hard to transition from viewing sex as dirty, to seeing it as a wonderful, beautiful gift from God to be enjoyed unreservedly marriage, but by His grace, that's what this book has helped me to do. The advice is Biblical and written in a gentle, loving way without compromising God's truth about passion and intimacy in marriage. I am now going into my marriage with a positive and healthier, Biblical view on my impending sex life with my soon-to-be husband. What a gift to both of us! I would definitely recommend for engaged and married women!
1

January 10, 2007

Boring.
Don't waste your time. Go with Celebration of Sex instead. It's got all the same stuff, plus some practical sexual advice for married women.
4

August 9, 2013

Not for everyone
This book was very good as far as explaining mens needs, and the whys of how they work :) emotionally and sexually. But it completely leaves out a womans needs emotionally and sexually. If a marriage lacks intimacy, having sex all the time is not going to fix that for a woman. Kinda one sided. But it has a lot of good information so I would recommend this.
5

December 29, 2012

Very good book
If you are struggling in your personal intimate life with your husband, please read this book. It is very balanced, biblical, and compassionate. I love how these ladies are very balanced in their thinking and really delve into the scriptures for accuracy and clarity. It is very liberating to read this and have your mind renewed through scripture about how God created sex to be a beautiful celebration between a husband and a wife. I have really been liberated in my thinking and now I seek to please my husband, which I could never do before. I was too bound up in my emotions and thoughts because of very negative experiences that I had before I was married that tainted my view of intercourse. I wasn't able to really enjoy it the way God intended. I realized that I have robbed my husband of so much pleasure for so many years. No longer! This book has changed our marriage for the better.
1

September 7, 2017

Written from a faulty paradigm
There are a few good points scattered throughout this book but it's not worth sifting through all the bad to get a few pieces of good.

This author beats women over the head with the idea that sex is for men. He needs it, give it to him. Never mind that women are just as sexual as men but our culture defines sexuality in terms of men only.

If you read this book and buy into her philosophy you will be missing out on so much. God did not create sex as a way for wives to give to their husbands. Sex is for married couples, as a way to give to each other and receive from each other. Women are not the only ones who need to evaluate their mindset about sex. Men do to. A wife's body is not exclusively for his pleasure. It's for her pleasure too and it's not exclusively the wife's burden to ensure that.

Go elsewhere for better information.
5

Dec 29, 2010

MY REVIEW:

There are some things that are just plain tricky to talk about. The topic of sex is probably on the top of that list. However, Lorraine and Linda have creatively, sensitively, and beautifully written a book that addresses the issue of sexual intimacy in marriage in a way that is respectful and honest. I appreciate their hard work to compile a comprehensive book about sex that is biblical, appropriate, and God-glorifying.

I believe that this book can and will minister to the heart of any MY REVIEW:

There are some things that are just plain tricky to talk about. The topic of sex is probably on the top of that list. However, Lorraine and Linda have creatively, sensitively, and beautifully written a book that addresses the issue of sexual intimacy in marriage in a way that is respectful and honest. I appreciate their hard work to compile a comprehensive book about sex that is biblical, appropriate, and God-glorifying.

I believe that this book can and will minister to the heart of any woman no matter what her background and past experiences are as long as she desires to grow in her understanding of God's gift of sex. If you truly long to grow and change, you will enjoy and be encouraged by this study of intimacy. But if you are looking for a way to back-up your personal opinions you will find yourself chafing against the content of this book.

The authors start off by building a foundational understanding of what sex is and what God thinks about it as found in Scripture. From there the book moves through three phases - general understanding and core beliefs, dealing with personal issues and problems, and finally practical application and help for growing more Christ-like in your marriage. They deal with heavy topics such as pornography and the affect of abortion, to recapturing passion, and what's not okay in the marriage bed. Their sensitive and friend-to-friend approach will calm you, encourage you, and help you walk away with at least one area to work on your own marriage even if you have read every other marriage/sex book out there.

Intimate Issues includes a 12 week Bible study that can be used for personal growth or in a small group setting. I highly recommend this book to any woman who is married or counseling married women. For those who desire to become more like Christ in every area of their life this is a "must read". ...more
5

November 30, 2015

I am only a couple chapters in and I LOVE this book
I am only a couple chapters in and I LOVE this book! I would recommend for all married women. Such an important area and this topic can be very sensitive for many but I am so happy to have found this!
4

Dec 06, 2012



A sensitive book for women who struggle with sexual intimacy. The book covers a fairly broad spectrum of issues, so it would be especially helpful for those with painful sexual experiences in their past.
5

Feb 05, 2010

I debated whether or not I should even list this book, based in its subject, but its about sex within marriage and other marriage related issues and this is nothing to be embarrassed about. I highly recommend this book to all Christian wives. It is very uplifting, encouraging and insightful as well as convicting.
4

May 05, 2015

I would whileheartedly recommend this book to married women or premarrieds. With society's view of sex, women need to know what God has to say about the issue. God created it and it is good. I think these women cover this topic with grace and care.
5

April 14, 2018

Pleasantly Surprised
There were a few times as I began the book I considered tossing it aside. It felt preachy and unrealistic at first. Then I realized my irritation was really stemming from old, painful and destructive thought patterns that have been a part of me for way too long. I pressed through to the end. All the way realizing I will probably read it again....a few more times. Very insightful. I am inspired to think, act and feel differently. Definitely a great resource.
5

July 18, 2017

Great Book for Married Couples
Written with compassion, humor, and understanding, Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus answer every married couples' burning questions about what is appropriate and acceptable in the marriage bed. If you've got questions that have gone unanswered, want more intimacy with your spouse, or feel ashamed of your past sexual life, this is the book for you! Safe, sound biblical teaching. Some of the answers may surprise you!
5

May 18, 2014

Intimacy As God Intended
This refreshing book details God's perspective on sex within marriage. Even though I have been married for several decades, I learned a great deal on the importance of the oneness that God intended in the sexual relationship between husband and wife. I recommend this book to any woman who wants to enrich her marriage in a deeper and more fulfilling way. This is a beautifully written book and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
3

December 22, 2012

Interesting
I am not a young woman but still there was some new information here, even for me. A long list of well known Christian counselors and pastors endorse it and it was helpful but I don't know that I totally agree with all of it.
4

May 02, 2018

I found this book at a thrift store and figured I'd read it to see what it had to say. I'm glad I did! Being raised in a very conservative Christian home, the marriage relationship was not discussed, and I never took the time to study God's Word to find out what He had to say. This book addresses questions of all kinds, with answers coming straight from the Bible. Like all Christian books, you read it, chew on it, spit out the bones, etc, but it was an encouragement to me to see what God has to I found this book at a thrift store and figured I'd read it to see what it had to say. I'm glad I did! Being raised in a very conservative Christian home, the marriage relationship was not discussed, and I never took the time to study God's Word to find out what He had to say. This book addresses questions of all kinds, with answers coming straight from the Bible. Like all Christian books, you read it, chew on it, spit out the bones, etc, but it was an encouragement to me to see what God has to say about the physical relationship between husband and wife. ...more
4

Jan 08, 2012

Something I really like about this author is that she seems to write Christianity in a way that seems both modern and relevant, and not at all stuffy. Her books have accompanying bible studies, which I think would be interesting but I couldn't really see myself in a bible study with a bunch of women about SEX (though I would like it very much, to be totally candid). I think one of the problems I face as a Christian is a loneliness, like how you make Christianity pervasive in your life without Something I really like about this author is that she seems to write Christianity in a way that seems both modern and relevant, and not at all stuffy. Her books have accompanying bible studies, which I think would be interesting but I couldn't really see myself in a bible study with a bunch of women about SEX (though I would like it very much, to be totally candid). I think one of the problems I face as a Christian is a loneliness, like how you make Christianity pervasive in your life without potentially driving other people away or causing them to take every single possible opportunity to point out your inevitable hypocrisy? Generally I try to do the walk and keep my mouth shut, since I'm not into the evangelical thing much at all.

Anyway, this book shows how a woman can be both godly and sensuous, though she does seem to accept the premise that because Song of Solomon is in the bible it's good and should be there and isn't just a little bit of erotica tossed in to break up the monotony of some of the earlier works. She also hit on a lot of the sections in the epistles (1 Cor 7 ie, "Do it all the time") that I've noticed but no one ever talks about. There was a bit of dogma though, like fornication is bad, porn is bad, romance novels are bad (song of solomon is good?), homosexuality/orgies/swinging is bad. Oral sex and quickies are ok (and even masturbation if you're not fantasizing about someone other than your husband), but she was strangely silent on buttsex other than to say that sodomy = man + man, so I dunno. Other than some of the unanswered questions I rather enjoyed this book.

I liked this book but felt like it was really non-specific. Even the "spicy cut-open" section of the book was like "leave love notes around the house, then feed him chicken and rice, and you're the dessert!" It didn't give many ideas for foreplay or what exactly you should be doing for sex, only that certain things are ok (oral sex is referenced many times in Song of Solomon) and certain things aren't, but no good ideas to get the creative juices flowing. ...more
4

Aug 23, 2015

I read this book to help prepare for a Sunday School class I was teaching to Mother's of Young Children on the subject of Sex, Romance, and Purity. I found the book to be well written and interesting. The questions covered a broad area of material from a medical , emotional, and spiritual perspective . I liked how the subject matter was divided into 3 sections - simmering, smoldering, and sizzling, ranging from General - what does God think about sex ? What to do if I don't really want to " do I read this book to help prepare for a Sunday School class I was teaching to Mother's of Young Children on the subject of Sex, Romance, and Purity. I found the book to be well written and interesting. The questions covered a broad area of material from a medical , emotional, and spiritual perspective . I liked how the subject matter was divided into 3 sections - simmering, smoldering, and sizzling, ranging from General - what does God think about sex ? What to do if I don't really want to " do it" , to what about pornography? Are quickies ok? How do I recapture passion? Because my husband is an OB/ Gyn there are many books about women's issues and sex in our home . This may not be the best book on the subject I have ever read, but I think if you are looking for some clear biblical answers or helps to some difficult questions I would recommend this book. ...more

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