4.21

1

Jun 16, 2011

This book should stay in the 50's, when the idea of the wife as second-class citizen was normal. This book should either be massively updated, or discontinued. It should absolutely not be recommended to young couples nowadays without huge caveats about its insulting ideas about women. (Instead, I would wholeheartedly recommend The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex: And You Thought Bad Girls Have All the Fun. Don't sweat the title, it's a beautiful treatise on intimacy in marriage.)

I haven't read This book should stay in the 50's, when the idea of the wife as second-class citizen was normal. This book should either be massively updated, or discontinued. It should absolutely not be recommended to young couples nowadays without huge caveats about its insulting ideas about women. (Instead, I would wholeheartedly recommend The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex: And You Thought Bad Girls Have All the Fun. Don't sweat the title, it's a beautiful treatise on intimacy in marriage.)

I haven't read all of this book, and I am sure the sex tips and the trouble-shooting are very useful to married couples experiencing problems. However, the chapter on "How to be a Perfect Wife" portrayed a very unrealistic, unhealthy, anti-feminist, and out-of-date view of marriage. There is no chapter on "How to be a Perfect Husband," or even a good husband, or a decent human being: the onus is on the wife to be perfect, to be fresh and perfumed at all times to be her most desirable, and not to "let herself go"--with the omission seeming to say that husbands are already perfect and must not be questioned.

For the authors, their audience being a two-career household is not even an option: the wife is expected to stay home, so that she can clean the house, keep the children clean and happy, cook, and do such things as take naps during the daytime so that she can stay up late to support her husband if he has to stay up late. There is no mention of the possibility that having the wife stay at home may not be an option for your economic situation, or not be your preference as a woman who is a fully realized individual with her own goals, or even that the husband (being his own individual and having all the rights and goals open to women as well) might choose to stay at home and the wife work.

Gaye Wheat writes that a wife should never decline her husband's sexual advances if she's not in the mood. She writes that secular counselors will tell women that it is okay to say no, but "as a Christian" she thinks that a Christian woman should never say no but "pray to God for strength" and keep concentrating on the inner mantra that "This is pleasing to me. This is pleasant to my body. I am experiencing nice sensations." However, if the husband is not in the mood, he can surely say no, and this is the wife's fault for not keeping the house clean enough, the kids happy enough, and planning too many things for the husband to do.

All of this is absurd and infuriating. I and five of my adult friends (both men and women) were horrified, disgusted, and enraged with sections of this book read aloud. Husbands and wives should support EACH OTHER: this is not a one-way street. Women are not slaves in their own homes anymore. And husbands don't want them to be, either. ...more

4

Jul 19, 2015

I read this many years ago, and have been giving it away in my pre-marital counseling, also for many years. I recently decided I ought to read it again, and was pleased to see that the book had weathered the years well. There are parts that are a bit too "medically sounding," but there is a lot of good info here for young couples. I guess I will continue giving it away.

1

Feb 26, 2008

Written from a man's perspective, I felt like I4P was insensitive to women. The tone of the book was cold and matter-of-fact. Funny line, "if you do this...I guarantee..." There are no such guarantees because all bodies are different. The first edition was published ages ago -- and though it has been updated, it certainly feels out of date.

Books I'd recommend instead:
A Celebration of Sex (by Roseneau): For the couple, comprehensive, written by a licensed psychologist, Christian sex therapist.

Written from a man's perspective, I felt like I4P was insensitive to women. The tone of the book was cold and matter-of-fact. Funny line, "if you do this...I guarantee..." There are no such guarantees because all bodies are different. The first edition was published ages ago -- and though it has been updated, it certainly feels out of date.

Books I'd recommend instead:
A Celebration of Sex (by Roseneau): For the couple, comprehensive, written by a licensed psychologist, Christian sex therapist.

Sheet Music (by Leman): A fun, light book that is also very informative.

Intimate Issues (by Dillow): For the woman and the woman's sake.
...more

4

May 22, 2011

Extremely helpful. I liked this book more than Sheet Music, but I suspect that my preference is just a matter of personal taste. Wheat is a physician, so he includes a lot of medical information that Leman, as a psychologist, is simply not qualified to give. Parts of this book read like a textbook, which I liked--the matter-of-fact tone made the whole thing less awkward. More like hearing a doctor or science teacher talk about sex (as opposed to hearing your pastor or psychologist talk about Extremely helpful. I liked this book more than Sheet Music, but I suspect that my preference is just a matter of personal taste. Wheat is a physician, so he includes a lot of medical information that Leman, as a psychologist, is simply not qualified to give. Parts of this book read like a textbook, which I liked--the matter-of-fact tone made the whole thing less awkward. More like hearing a doctor or science teacher talk about sex (as opposed to hearing your pastor or psychologist talk about it). However, unlike most medical texts on sex, Wheat comes from an explicitly Christian and biblical worldview, and saturates his practical scientific explanations and recommendations in biblical truth, which is incredibly comforting for those looking for a scientifically reliable resource that has not been (as) tainted by the secular view of sex.

However, this is not a list of does and don'ts--Wheat encourages readers to honor their spouses, and he explains various aspects of sex and reproduction, but by and large he does not condone or condemn specific activities or practices. This is most notable in the section on birth control. Wheat is staunchly pro-life and opposes all clearly abortifacient methods (such as the morning after pill). However, he does not address the morality of birth control in and of itself (that is, whether it is morally acceptable to try to divorce sex from procreation). But he is very clear that he does not intend to tell couples what to do. His goal is to inform them about the various methods and let them make their own decisions. So if you're looking for a book to tell you what to do/not do, this is not the book for you. But if you want a moderately detailed medical guide chocked full of practical advice, this is an excellent resource.

Wheat includes an especially helpful section on what to expect on the honeymoon, and also spends a fair amount of time walking the reader through practical solutions to common problems married couples face. And all his advice is under-girded by the biblical principles of selfless service and honest communication.

The final chapter of the book does present the gospel, but I would have loved to see the gospel message permeate the rest of the text a bit more thoroughly. Still, for a Christian take on sex in marriage, I doubt you'll find better than this. ...more

5

Aug 06, 2013

This is an excellent book for couples experiencing sexual dysfunction who want quick, accurate medical answers for their symptoms and challenges. It is not flowery. It gets directly to the point. Couples need not read the whole book. Just read through the table of contents and try chapters til you find your issue. Then head to the doctor's office with a possible diagnosis in hand so that you can be treated (if necessary). Most if the issues in this book require simple changes or manipulation a This is an excellent book for couples experiencing sexual dysfunction who want quick, accurate medical answers for their symptoms and challenges. It is not flowery. It gets directly to the point. Couples need not read the whole book. Just read through the table of contents and try chapters til you find your issue. Then head to the doctor's office with a possible diagnosis in hand so that you can be treated (if necessary). Most if the issues in this book require simple changes or manipulation a that a couple can master in a matter of weeks in order to eliminate these dysfunctions completely. This book was a huge help for my husband and I many years ago when I was first introduced to it! ...more

4

Sep 22, 2013

I read this book as part of my premarital counseling. I found it Biblically based and encouraging, casting marriage in a very positive light. It is extremely detailed in regard to the physical act of lovemaking in a Christian marriage and I would recommend it be approached carefully and with consideration of timing in a persons life. I would recommend this book for married couples and couples preparing for marriage.

5

Dec 08, 2008

When I got married in 1999, I was a virgin and found out that I was to tight for sex. I was married a whole week before I read this book and the small section in there for virgins helped me and my husband so. My mother had the same problem and she wen to the doctor for them to open her up and she said it hurt really bad. The technique given saved me that trip and caused my husband and I to bond in an even more intimate way.

4

Jul 01, 2008

I have to say, as a socially-conservative woman, I'm somewhat embarrassed to include this book on my list. To be honest, I haven't read it in years, but the book is very tastefully written (almost textbook-like), and it has a lot of great information - what you would get (or should get) from an ob/gyn or sex therapist.

4

May 29, 2009

Ha Ha....Yep I read this. Very good....great for couples to read BEFORE and right after they are married. I wanted to check it out before recommending it to a close friend who is getting married soon. Very biblical, but not vague :-)

4

Sep 17, 2015

Very thorough and informed guide to sex within a marriage relationship. From healing emotional and relational dysfunction to fertility, pregnancy and stds, Wheat addresses topics like that are usually taboo in Christian circles and/or informed by secular perspectives with a godly perspective instead. This is an awesome read for newlyweds! If you have questions about sex, arousal and orgasm that you're not comfortable asking your parents, or even friends or mentors, this book is a great resource.

4

Nov 29, 2013

This was a really good, informative, Christian book. I read it in preparation for my second marriage. I really enjoyed it-it covers all the bases and gives Bible verses as reference. Very good, I really recommend it!

5

Nov 04, 2016

You think the tv and porn you've watched will prepare you for great sex? You probably don't, right? Or how bout that awkward conversation your parents had with you like 10 years ago.

You're gonna get smart and read this book or something similar eventually. I think this is a great choice.

4

Aug 12, 2008

Well written guide for Christian marriage, biblically based. Recommend for couples who've been married for awhile, too. Reminds you to get back to the basics - serving each other. Possibly a nice idea for a shower/wedding gift.

3

Oct 30, 2012

First read as part of pre-marital counseling sometime around 2001.

I think the book has a few problems, but that is far far less than many other titles on sex that carry the adjective "Christian."

Readings:
~2001
April 2016

3

Jul 30, 2009

We got these during our engagement and they were such a great resource that I bought copies of them for several of my also newly engaged friends. We chose them after a little research of so many other marriage resource books.

5

Nov 11, 2007

I highly recommend this to any newlyweds (or anyone else who needs to know.) I hate those books with pithy stories or moralizing. This book just gives the info ya need to know. You'll love the climax!... I couldn't resist that one.

4

Feb 11, 2009

This book is very informative for both you and your partner and is faith based, as well as a fascinating conversation starter!

4

Jun 07, 2012

Great book on God's real intention for sex. A great gift idea for an engaged friend (especially if she/he grew up in a sheltered Christian environment around people who might be uncomfortable talking about "such thing" =))

2

Aug 12, 2013

I read this years and years ago when I was going through a pre-marriage course at my then-church. I have to say the medical perspective is much more informative and in-depth than I've seen in other places. However, the how-to parts were too preachy. I would only recommend this book for virgins who have been led to believe that all sex is sinful and bad. For that person, this book is a must read.

2

Oct 22, 2007

This book might be helpful for some young couples, but others may find it doesn't teach anything not already learned from the journey through adolescnce. However, I could see this as being a good reference for counselors or pastors. Frankly, much of what is covered is the stuff of Cosmo or Men's Health, but from a Christian perespective. It also deals with a whole life perspective, and even has a few chapters on senior citizens.

4

Oct 12, 2017

This is a book on intimacy within marriage. I thought it was well written. It was informative but not in any way vulgar and looked at things from a Christian/biblical perspective. I could tell reading through it that it was a general Christian rather than specifically LDS book, but it was still a good read (if you're looking for a purely LDS read, And They Were Not Ashamed by Laura M. Brotherson is a very, very good read). This is a book I would definitely recommend, especially to engaged or This is a book on intimacy within marriage. I thought it was well written. It was informative but not in any way vulgar and looked at things from a Christian/biblical perspective. I could tell reading through it that it was a general Christian rather than specifically LDS book, but it was still a good read (if you're looking for a purely LDS read, And They Were Not Ashamed by Laura M. Brotherson is a very, very good read). This is a book I would definitely recommend, especially to engaged or newly married couples. ...more

3

Jun 04, 2015

This book is good for young couples and/or anyone who may not have taken an extensive course in human sexuality. I will probably revert to this book from time to time for reference, but most of what I read in this book I learned in college or psych books on marriage. It is important to get the latest edition of this book for the most up to date statistics and references/facts. This is a Christian book so anyone expecting it to not include what's considered Christian values would be naive - even This book is good for young couples and/or anyone who may not have taken an extensive course in human sexuality. I will probably revert to this book from time to time for reference, but most of what I read in this book I learned in college or psych books on marriage. It is important to get the latest edition of this book for the most up to date statistics and references/facts. This is a Christian book so anyone expecting it to not include what's considered Christian values would be naive - even though those values can differ from all Christian practices. ...more

5

Oct 05, 2015

A wonderful book on God's design for marriage and sex.
Sex was created for pleasure, but only within the boundaries of marriage, and again, ONLY between a MAN and a WOMAN. In this way does it serve to glorify God.
Sex can be a beautiful blessing, a treasured gift.

Due to a few descriptions and details explained in the pages of this book, I would only recommend to persons ages [AT LEAST] 18 and up. Especially if said persons are engaged, soon-to-be engaged, married, or soon-to-be married. A wonderful book on God's design for marriage and sex.
Sex was created for pleasure, but only within the boundaries of marriage, and again, ONLY between a MAN and a WOMAN. In this way does it serve to glorify God.
Sex can be a beautiful blessing, a treasured gift.

Due to a few descriptions and details explained in the pages of this book, I would only recommend to persons ages [AT LEAST] 18 and up. Especially if said persons are engaged, soon-to-be engaged, married, or soon-to-be married. However, this book is still a fantastic resource to turn to if the couple has been married for a year or even 50 years. ...more

0

Jul 25, 2011

During my engagement, I was advice-overloaded. I received all sorts of books on marriage, many of which started saying the same things. If I had to narrow the field for future newlyweds, this book is in my top three.



With a spectrum of knowledge from newlyweds to couples in their 70's, not everything in the book directly applied to my wife and me. But it was helpful to see Wheat's scope (and tuck some information away for future reference).



Wheat takes a holistic approach to good sex. He writes, During my engagement, I was advice-overloaded. I received all sorts of books on marriage, many of which started saying the same things. If I had to narrow the field for future newlyweds, this book is in my top three.



With a spectrum of knowledge from newlyweds to couples in their 70's, not everything in the book directly applied to my wife and me. But it was helpful to see Wheat's scope (and tuck some information away for future reference).



Wheat takes a holistic approach to good sex. He writes, "Everything that happens in a marriage has its effect on the lovemaking experience." He offers a couple chapters' introduction of God's design for sex instead of jumping right in to the mechanics.



I appreciated Wheat's bluntness and discretion. He was open and comprehensive. And illustrations were less graphic than some books.



My wife and I have referenced this book many times. Highly recommended for any couple who is further along in their engagement, newlywed, or long-married. It will most certainly strengthen your marriage. ...more

4

Nov 02, 2017

Excellent resource for engaged couples and those counseling them. But helpful for married couples at any stage of life, as well.