4.24

1

May 23, 2012

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. To be 100% honest.... I really am appalled by how popular this book series is. Not because of the "kinky f*ckery"- because of the disgusting attitude toward women. And even worse... it's fan fiction! It's Twilight. Literally. She read Twilight, she wrote fan fiction, she took the fan fiction down, changed the names from Bella and Edward to Ana & Christian, and sold it. I get that immitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but the fact that she took a story that was not good to begin with To be 100% honest.... I really am appalled by how popular this book series is. Not because of the "kinky f*ckery"- because of the disgusting attitude toward women. And even worse... it's fan fiction! It's Twilight. Literally. She read Twilight, she wrote fan fiction, she took the fan fiction down, changed the names from Bella and Edward to Ana & Christian, and sold it. I get that immitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but the fact that she took a story that was not good to begin with (that featured a weak female) just makes it worse.


But somehow, now she is raking in the cash as women everywhere drop their panties and run to buy this drivel.

Ana is a HORRIBLY written character. Her stupid inner goddess should have hung her head in shame. Ana was a total doormat. She was afraid of EVERYTHING.

I guess we are supposed to applaud that she never signed his stupid contract and she didn't let him beat her?? Face it. As written, they were "broken up" for a week. If it had gone to week two, this pansy would have gone and handed him a whip and a cane.

Throughout the "trilogy" (I use the word soooo loosely. The word trilogy implies that there was a story... which there wasn't) Christian isolates, demoralizes, abuses and treats her like shit. HOW IS THIS HOT??????

(Side Note: Anyone who LOVES this book should really watch the documentary Miss Representation. Maybe then you would see why female characters like Bella and Ana aren't just ridiculous, they are also harmful to impressionable girls who read it and think they should emulate the pathetic behaviors of these two characters in order to snare a man)


The writer describes Christian as someone who has not matured beyond the age of 15. His past "interludes" all began with him having the "subs" sign a non disclosure contract. How hot. NOT. Then there was the list of things the dom/sub would agree on. This included anal fisting, vaginal fisting, caning, and a bunch of other equally ridiculous garbage. I marvel at the fact that a book that talks about fisting, urination and bowel movements in sex is not only a best seller, it has now become one of the fastest selling books IN HISTORY. What this says about our society is frightening.

But wait! It gets hotter when we find out that Christian has a big book of pictures he's taken of these women in compromising positions that he keeps as leverage to make sure they never talk about him. Sure, he says the women agreed to it.... but it's just nasty. It's debasing and abusing human beings, and it's disgusting.

S&M, Erotica- it's fine. Whatever floats your boat. I have no issue with it. This crap is another thing entirely.

I just about threw the book out the freakin window when it was revealed that all of Christian's ex subs (and Ana too) looked like his dead drug addict mother.

Christian says he "liked to beat dark haired girls that looked like his mom". Yeah. And have sex with them. That's real titillating. NOT. Nothing makes me care for a character less than reading about some nut who needs major psychiatric help because he is so crippled by life that he chooses to fuck women that look like his mommy.

The stupid sub plots with Mrs. Robinson, then Christian's crazy ass ex sub, and then Ana's boss were just AWFUL. And Ana being out of school for 4 weeks and becoming the boss of the company? Seriously? Then this dumb ass gets knocked up? So formulaic. She's twenty-two years old, was a virgin, and only knew him for three months... but suddenly they are married and she's preggers. You think either one of these people were ready for kids???????????? Christian was so under developed. His answer to everything is violence. So... the first time their son says no, Christian will beat him? What if their daughter looks like his mom? Will he beat/have sex with her too?

Here's the bottom line. The book is ridiculous, poorly written drivel.

For all those who thought this was hot, I shake my head at you in horror. The character of Christian was a 1,000 percent flawed human being who was molested as a child and never grew up. He needs SERIOUS PSYCHIATRIC HELP. If that's the definition of hot, I must be missing something.

For all the housewives who are buying this "mommy porn"... Face it. If this book was written with the EXACT same characters, but Christian was a plumber instead of a millionaire, you wouldn't think it was so great.

Or, if Christian was black and lived in Compton, you'd be appalled, and would be marching on libraries everywhere to get them to remove these books.


The only reason women like this is because he's written as being white, attractive and RICH.






...more

1

Aug 10, 2012

My reaction whenever someone tells me they love these books:

(view spoiler)[ (hide spoiler)]

Fifty Shades of Bad Writing (my fourth review of this cultural clusterfuck)

1

Apr 23, 2012

My review of what encapsulates the first two "books".

My review of the third.

Highlights:

*It reads like it was written by a semi-literate 12-year-old. It is that bad.

*This is Twilight fan fiction. Not "inspired" by, not "Twilight for adults." It is Bella. It is Edward. Those are Twilight plot points. It is not original fiction. It was also cobbled together from a bunch of other fanfics. There is nothing original about it.

*This is not a romance. It is an affront to the romance genre and everyone

My review of what encapsulates the first two "books".

My review of the third.

Highlights:

*It reads like it was written by a semi-literate 12-year-old. It is that bad.

*This is Twilight fan fiction. Not "inspired" by, not "Twilight for adults." It is Bella. It is Edward. Those are Twilight plot points. It is not original fiction. It was also cobbled together from a bunch of other fanfics. There is nothing original about it.

*This is not a romance. It is an affront to the romance genre and everyone who reads real romance novels.

*Real erotica is not this badly written.

*This has nothing to do with BDSM. This is not real BDSM. It is an insult to the lifestyle and everyone who participates in it.

*The relationship depicted is abusive. They are not in a BDSM relationship. That is made clear. And yet: He overpowers her. He isolates her. He makes her fear him. He threatens physical abuse against her when she doesn't obey his commands. He tells her he wants to beat the shit out of her. She feels she has to do things she truly doesn't want to please him. That's not romantic. That's abuse.

*I am embarrassed and disgusted by the free world for supporting this pilfered, terribly written tripe.

Go read some real books by real authors.
...more

4

Apr 21, 2012

IN MY OPINION


Fifty Shades of Grey-The Trilogy

Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed make up the trilogy written by E L James. At this point, the reviews are numerous, merciless, angry and seductive. I had planned to write a review based on the storyline, but I think I shall divert down a different path. But I must say that without a doubt, the media hype and categorization of the trilogy as ‘mommy porn’ is what brought these books to the forefront of reader curiosity IN MY OPINION


Fifty Shades of Grey-The Trilogy

Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed make up the trilogy written by E L James. At this point, the reviews are numerous, merciless, angry and seductive. I had planned to write a review based on the storyline, but I think I shall divert down a different path. But I must say that without a doubt, the media hype and categorization of the trilogy as ‘mommy porn’ is what brought these books to the forefront of reader curiosity and at the time, I hadn’t thought about reading any or all of the books. But a couple of emails from a marketing director, and an agent (requesting my thoughts) brought me up short. Maybe I should read the books and see what all the fuss is about? So $30 and 3 nights later, I had completed the trilogy and now I offer my opinion-because yes-everything I have read about the series is strictly an opinion based on personal views. Descriptions from erotica, erotic romance, soft to hard core porn and BDSM have been used to categorize the genre, but in my opinion, the truth may very well lie somewhere in between or in a combination of descriptive titles and subjects.

Many reviewers opposed to the storyline content have attacked the quality of the writing comparing it to fan fiction and drivel. I will not address quality, as many other books I have read and reviewed, have been of a much poorer quality than this particular series, and yet the storylines have been interesting.

Erotic Adult Fiction: Erotic adult fiction is now a female driven genre both as a reader and an author. Once the domain of men, women writers (usually under author pseudonyms or initials only) are pushing the envelope of erotic fiction. Once considered written porn, the genre of erotic fiction is fast becoming main-stream adult literature.

Why the rise in popularity? Several reasons.

The popularity has increased with the advent of ebooks. The anonymity for the reader, hidden behind the electronic age of virtual books, allows for anyone to purchase a book, without the fear of retribution, side-long glances from the 18 year old store clerk or 60 year old librarian, and instant gratification (so to speak) for availability-similar to the days of Playboy and Hustler wrapped in brown paper on the upper shelves in the magazine section at the local corner store. Women and men no longer have to fear being judged by a stranger for their choices in reading material.

Society’s Moral Values

Over the years, society has eased up on what they perceive to be "deviant’. What was once considered ‘deviant’ are quite diverse and can range from murder to rape, too fat to too thin, etiquette faux pas, and fetishes to perversions. Fetishes are usually harmless-an odd attraction -voyeurism e.g.. Many people believe as long as no one is hurt or being forced, and everyone is over 18, who are we to judge. But there is always the fine line.

But if a fetish escalates into perversions or something illegal e.g. whereby voyeurism leads to sexual assault, rape or murder, then society has laws and treatments for people with this kind of deviant behavior. Once thought as deviant behavior, especially for women…..reading erotic literature was considered immoral and in some cases, a sin (for those who follow religious dictates)….they would have hidden an erotic novel, tucked the book away in a sock drawer. But many of society’s mores have become the norm. What was once unacceptable as reading material, is now a main stream best seller.

Many erotic storylines involve explicit sexual descriptive narration. The language is graphic and there is virtually nothing off limits except children and familial relations. Many women are now reading novels or series of novels featuring homosexual storylines. And of course, many of today’s erotic fantasy novels involve MMF storylines-with multiple partners at one time. Again…fantasy is the operative word. Some of the Harlequin Romance novels are considered tame with their ‘suggestive or implied’ sex as compared to most of the romantic/erotic adult storylines released today.

Television and the film industry have long had a rating system for what is perceived as appropriate for different age groups. Now the ‘rating system’ has been applied to many of the different books and novels, due to the ‘graphic nature’ of the content. And saying that….the ebook revolution does not discriminate against the virtual shopper. Identification is not required when ordering a book online from most of the websites…..all that is required is a valid charge card and an email address (for ebooks). Saying that, I wonder how many minors (under 16) are reading erotica and sexually graphic storylines with the advent of ebooks?

Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy

Yes, there is some BDSM (BDSM is a term that stands for such patterns in sexual behavior as Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. –bdsmguide.org). Like everything in life, there are degrees and valuations, and varying shades of grey (pun intended). Like a sliding color wheel, the BDSM content is revealed in shades and degrees. But the author never crosses the imaginary ‘hard-line’ into true hard-core savagery. The ‘heroine’ is never forced or coerced, she is aware at all times and enters into the relationship wholly aware. The storyline Dom/sub relationship is never carried over into a public social context and the practice is always safe and consensual. Yes, there are times when a soft-line is pushed, but it is addressed throughout the story.

Now to backtrack slightly-this series is NOT about BDSM. This story is about addressing the truth, acknowledging responsibility, the loss of power and control, and the fight to gain it all back. This story is also about acceptance, finding love, losing and making steps towards recovery. The BDSM content is minimal, but has apparently caught the interest of the public, as does anything that goes against the ‘norm’. The practice of BDSM is wide ranging and is often misinterpreted by the lay-people not involved in the practice. BDSM has been labeled everything from a fetish to a perversion, but when the people involved are consenting adults, wholly aware of the circumstances and the situation, the behavior or role-playing is acted out according to a specific script of behaviors and actions. There are rules, agreements, safety words, consequences and varying degrees of pleasure (all safe and legal)-to which a question must be addressed-Who are we to judge a lifestyle that is different from our own?

Informed Consent-Psychological Definition:

Informed consent is a legal procedure to ensure that a patient or client knows all of the risks and costs involved in a treatment. The elements of informed consents include informing the client of the nature of the treatment, possible alternative treatments, and the potential risks and benefits of the treatment.

In order for informed consent to be considered valid, the client must be competent and the consent should be given voluntarily.(about.com/psychology)

Should we apply the definition of INFORMED CONSENT to all actions between consenting adults? Within the context of The Fifty Shades trilogy, a NDA (a non-disclosure agreement) and a Dom/Sub contract is a major premise that is addressed throughout the storyline.

The Fifty Shades series is about a man with demons buried so deep he turns to BDSM for control. But the underlying current of BDSM becomes blurred when the title character of Christian Grey, at 15years old, becomes the submissive to a woman several years older. As a sexual predator, the woman holds power and control of the teenage boy, shaping him into the man who would one day run a billion dollar enterprise. And it is this relationship that directs and controls all of his future endeavors and needs. Even in the world of high finance and business, power and control is the ultimate aim.

The series is written from the ‘heroine’s’ point of view. We are privy to Anastasia Steele’s intimate thoughts and ideas, as well as her fears and worries about the man with whom she has fallen in love. And she is NOT without some power of her own. As the story progresses, the lines of control slowly blur, until it is Ana who has the ultimate control – of a man’s heart and his soul.

I guess like everything in life, we must make decisions based on research, trial and error, and public opinion. And in the end, sometimes the only opinion that counts, is your own. If you are asking me “Would I recommend reading the series?”, I would have to say yes. Not because it will qualify for a Nobel Prize in Literature, but because it is, in all honesty, a love story with a HEA. And I for one, ALWAYS want a HEA (Happily Ever After) and Fifty Shades delivers.

see all of my reviews at : thereadingcafe.com ...more

5

May 31, 2012

My sister-in-law recommended this series to me last week and I finished the entire series in 5 days. I was hooked! However, I had no idea that it was an erotica read, so I was quite surprised, but the storyline already had me pulled in. There was no turning back.

Book #2 was my favorite. Christian really proved his feelings for Ana through his words and actions throughout the entire book. Many people complain that his 180 change was unrealistic and it ruined the story for them. I, however, am a My sister-in-law recommended this series to me last week and I finished the entire series in 5 days. I was hooked! However, I had no idea that it was an erotica read, so I was quite surprised, but the storyline already had me pulled in. There was no turning back.

Book #2 was my favorite. Christian really proved his feelings for Ana through his words and actions throughout the entire book. Many people complain that his 180 change was unrealistic and it ruined the story for them. I, however, am a hopeless romantic and my heart melted as I really fell in love with Christian's character.

I must say, the look into Christian's mind at the end of book 3 was AMAZING. I wish we could get to his view of the elevator scene with the famous, "fuck the paperwork" line. ;)

The emails were one of my favorite parts of the books. The subject lines and signatures made me laugh out loud several times.

"Laters, baby," made me laugh a lot. I loved seeing that side of Christian. I also know that his controlling side is unhealthy in a relationship, but it kept things interesting and it showed his true feelings about Ana. When Ana defied him from work or wherever, I always hoped that Christian would just show up (as he did pretty much every time). I see the sweet element of his need to control Ana while also understanding that it's not healthy for either party.

I secretly hoped for a smidge of a love triangle including Ethan, but then I realized that Christian would KILL Ethan and I decided against it.

Overall, this is a highly addicting series- a grown-up version of Twilight, but with a much more realistic plot. I love that Christian and Ana were based from Edward and Bella. E.L. James didn't make it too obvious IMO. It is just easy to see the resemblance in the form of their unexplainable, unending pull to each other. And who doesn't want a happy ending like this series offers? ...more

5

Jul 05, 2013

E.L. JAMES:



ME:

E.L.! HEY! High-five, giirrrrrl!

Whoa. I missed.

You'll probably want to ice that.

Yeah! SO! I am so glad I ran into you! What a coincidence! This is only the fourth building I’ve tried, and I mean… I’ve only been riding the elevators for what, two? Three hours?

E.L. JAMES:



ME:

You know what?

DOESN’T matter.

So listen… about the casting for the “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie? Yeah, I was just wondering if you received the six or seventeen audition tapes I sent over to all three of your E.L. JAMES:



ME:

E.L.! HEY! High-five, giirrrrrl!

Whoa. I missed.

You'll probably want to ice that.

Yeah! SO! I am so glad I ran into you! What a coincidence! This is only the fourth building I’ve tried, and I mean… I’ve only been riding the elevators for what, two? Three hours?

E.L. JAMES:



ME:

You know what?

DOESN’T matter.

So listen… about the casting for the “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie? Yeah, I was just wondering if you received the six or seventeen audition tapes I sent over to all three of your houses?

E.L. JAMES:



ME:

Because, and only very privileged people know this about me but uhh… I was really popular with the acting scene at my high school.



And my mom told me that I was THE best “Girl Holding Sword #4” she’s ever seen. Not that I’m bragging or anything.

E.L. JAMES:



ME:

Also, you probably should cast Henry Cavill for Christian. Because he and I?

We totally have that let’s-just-mount-right-now sexual connection thing going on. I just finished watching his “Man of Steel” movie… and he very literally told me that.



E.L. JAMES



ME:

I know, right?

So.

Yeah.

YOU just that about that. I left all of my contact info with your secretary AND your neighbors. Oh! And also your Federal Express man.

But try not to call before 11 a.m., hmm? I really like my beauty sleep. And don’t call after 12 p.m., okay? Because that…

Well, that’s my drinking time.

Okaythanksbye!



E.L. JAMES

...more

1

May 27, 2012

Book One: 2/5
1.So, this is what all the fuss was about.
2.He says, Laters, baby *snort*
3.Is it me or do they both sound English?
4.I’m this close to smacking Ana silly with all her deep (but not really deep) asides re her Inner Goddess. Ditto with the Subconscious (capital S). And to those two, add every single instance she bites her frigging lower lip.
5.There’s a lot of sexual gymnastics going on in this one. A lot. Many of the things she’s describing had me asking, ‘Say what now?’ It’s like she’ Book One: 2/5
1.So, this is what all the fuss was about.
2.He says, Laters, baby *snort*
3.Is it me or do they both sound English?
4.I’m this close to smacking Ana silly with all her deep (but not really deep) asides re her Inner Goddess. Ditto with the Subconscious (capital S). And to those two, add every single instance she bites her frigging lower lip.
5.There’s a lot of sexual gymnastics going on in this one. A lot. Many of the things she’s describing had me asking, ‘Say what now?’ It’s like she’s twisting every which way!
6.Eek, (view spoiler)[period sex. (hide spoiler)]*Gag.*
7.Why is it the same tune over and over?
Fifty: "You’re hot."
Ana: "You’re hot.”
Them: Sex
Ana: “I’m not sure about this."
Fifty: All dominant and growly.
Anna: You’re hot”
Fifty: “You’re hot”
Them: Take a wild guess about what comes after.
8.Can anyone get this Inner Goddess to shut up?
9.When she went, “Well, you are one fucked-up son of a bitch.” I'm all, 'Why, yes, he is.'
10. Every other word I've considered tried to type's got a double meaning now. Ack!

This isn’t actually a terrible book. I suppose it’s at par with every other erotica I’ve read before. Oh, who am I kidding? Scratch that. It actually is terrible with all those complaints thrown against being valid and true BUT I went in eyes open to said faults. So should I really be disappointed over how it fulfilled my not quite high expectations? Should I?

Obviously, there’s a whole lot of sex. There’s a guy with a deep dark past, who’s all at once mysterious yet creepy (mysteriously creepy?) Scary and alluring. And while the “heroine” *not* acknowledges all these things about him, she still stuck around! (Heck, I stuck around!) So yes, a “heroine” that makes me want to smack her with all her faffing about. I went into this knowing a good deal of what was going to take place (view spoiler)[(still though, period sex? Eegh) (hide spoiler)] and while it’s definitely not the best erotica it’s neither the worst. But still, how fucked up could be?

Yet, for all my bitching and moaning and my “say what now” moments, I’m still reading on! Even with it's girl who's too much like a doormat; even with the creepy stalker controlling male lead. Now, the mystery is why I’m still doing so. Maybe because there's this addictive quality to it. That despite the cheesy dialogue, the unusually detestable characters in this, well, maybe just maybe I'm missing something that others have already caught on to.

-----

Book Two: 1.5/5
1. So, if you’re a Dom, and that’s how you get off… is it really doable for you to switch off your preference? Serious question here. No, really.
2. Dear me! Back to wash rinse repeat of you’re hot; no, you’re hot then sex…
3. Dear me! Why do I feel like I’ve tuned into a soap opera? His subs look alike? How much more fucked up can you get, Fifty?
4. Be gone, Inner Goddess! (Dance the night away on your own with all your arabesques and flipping and turning. Jeez!)
5. Why do I do this to myself?
6. Despite all the sex, or maybe because of all the sex, things have gotten monotonously boring. Yes, the sex remains predictable. (See item #6 for Book #1)

Book Three
1. DNF. I tried. I seriously did but it’s all the same!



...more

2

May 29, 2012

Whoa! Shit! What? Oh wow! ...these are all eloquent things you'll hear Ana say many times (many, many, many times) in her head throughout the books. Also, characters mostly put their lips in a hard line and murmur a lot. Ana and Christian fight, make up, have kinky sex. Or...have kinky sex, fight, make up, make love. This goes on, round and round and round. And for about fifty pages (no pun intended), there's an actual story line.

I'm really ticked off I wasted 2 weeks reading this crap. And yet Whoa! Shit! What? Oh wow! ...these are all eloquent things you'll hear Ana say many times (many, many, many times) in her head throughout the books. Also, characters mostly put their lips in a hard line and murmur a lot. Ana and Christian fight, make up, have kinky sex. Or...have kinky sex, fight, make up, make love. This goes on, round and round and round. And for about fifty pages (no pun intended), there's an actual story line.

I'm really ticked off I wasted 2 weeks reading this crap. And yet to some extent I couldn't put the books down. There's definitely a damsel in distress/ white knight element to the trilogy, which is what I think kept me intrigued. It brought out the same teenaged, raw, carnal emotions I felt with the Twighlight series, but with a ton of dirty sex and worse writing.

The sex scenes are probably the best part of her writing...very descriptive and well thought out. However, they became too long and repetitive for my short attention span and I ended up skipping through most of them in the third book to simply finish.

I gave the trilogy 3 stars because it was intriguing enough to read all three books, but conversely I'm also appalled that I spent the time to read them all...such horrible writing. I think it really only deserves 2 stars.

Oh! And did anyone notice she used bigger words in the third book? I think she found a thesaurus.

Update: I kept looking at my original 3 star rating and thinking "that's too many!", so I've changed it to two...really only deserves 1. :) ...more

5

Aug 01, 2018

Reading this novel was a bittersweet experience. I couldn’t get enough; I wanted to rush through this entire novel and absorb it all as quickly as possible. On the other hand, I wanted to take my sweet time and drag things out because I never wanted it to end. I’m devastated that this series wrapped up, and I have hopes (fingers crossed) that this won’t be the last we see of Christian Grey. I could read about Christian and Ana forever. (Christian may be the perfect man to star in a never-ending Reading this novel was a bittersweet experience. I couldn’t get enough; I wanted to rush through this entire novel and absorb it all as quickly as possible. On the other hand, I wanted to take my sweet time and drag things out because I never wanted it to end. I’m devastated that this series wrapped up, and I have hopes (fingers crossed) that this won’t be the last we see of Christian Grey. I could read about Christian and Ana forever. (Christian may be the perfect man to star in a never-ending series. He seems to have enough issues. ...more

5

Apr 27, 2012

Erotic love story....as reviewed possibly Mommy Porn. I do not think I would go that far. I am a prude and do not share my bedroom things,etc....
This book had an underlying story of two people learning to be a couple and not be independent. Each brought their own baggage. He a past of a terrible early childhood, being adopted by a loving family, him being seduced at a young age, and then became a dominant sex gamer.
She comes in with her naive, inexperience and never really having to comply to

Erotic love story....as reviewed possibly Mommy Porn. I do not think I would go that far. I am a prude and do not share my bedroom things,etc....
This book had an underlying story of two people learning to be a couple and not be independent. Each brought their own baggage. He a past of a terrible early childhood, being adopted by a loving family, him being seduced at a young age, and then became a dominant sex gamer.
She comes in with her naive, inexperience and never really having to comply to another. She herself played 2nd string to her mother and lived her life for herself!
They both end up learning about themselves through each other and making it work!
If you do not want to read the erotic parts you can skip over them and still enjoy the story....they are written in a way that doesn't completely describe everything but they are definitely risqué.
I read the trilogy in 5 days.
It had the love story and all we love to read but it is x-rated all the same! ...more

5

Jun 08, 2012

I hadn't heard of these until recently when they were mentioned to me by a number of different people within the space of a couple of days. Naturally I was intrigued and upon reading reviews was led to believe they were pure filth. Which, don't be disheartened if that's what you're looking for, they're naughty. But there is so much more.
These are not to be dismissed as "women's porn" as I've seen happen. There is a lot more to the plot and to the characters. They are brilliantly written that I hadn't heard of these until recently when they were mentioned to me by a number of different people within the space of a couple of days. Naturally I was intrigued and upon reading reviews was led to believe they were pure filth. Which, don't be disheartened if that's what you're looking for, they're naughty. But there is so much more.
These are not to be dismissed as "women's porn" as I've seen happen. There is a lot more to the plot and to the characters. They are brilliantly written that you get so involved and empathise with each of the main characters amazingly well!
Given the gist of the novels from other people I should have hated Christian Grey but by mid book 1 I loved him as much as Anastasia did! All 3 were a marvellous, cannot-put-it-down, who-cares-if-I'm-late-for-work-this-is-more-important kind of read! Now I'm just sad I've run out...
Highly recommended and to be fair I'd like to see a man read that without being effected at all. Consider it a challenge. It's hot. I loved them :) ...more

1

Jun 04, 2012

I want to preface this review by confessing that I am a literary masochist. If I begin reading a series, no matter how bad it is, I have to finish it, to satisfy my curiosity about the ending, about the author's ability to improve her writing, and about what the fuss is all about. I picked up this book largely out of curiosity anyway, because I'd heard from several people that it's a great read.

Imagine my disappointment.

James's writing ability is mediocre at best. From page one, I was annoyed. I want to preface this review by confessing that I am a literary masochist. If I begin reading a series, no matter how bad it is, I have to finish it, to satisfy my curiosity about the ending, about the author's ability to improve her writing, and about what the fuss is all about. I picked up this book largely out of curiosity anyway, because I'd heard from several people that it's a great read.

Imagine my disappointment.

James's writing ability is mediocre at best. From page one, I was annoyed. It was clear to me that James is a novice in the field of writing, which is disappointing from my point of view largely because I aspire to publish writing of my own. It hurts me to know that drivel of this nature was published by anyone, to say nothing of my disdain that it has become such a hugely popular book. I will never understand how or why any writer would choose to delve into the life of a character who was born and raised in an entirely different country, a country which it is perfectly clear that the author knows little about. Perhaps James has spent some time in the US, perhaps even in the Pacific Northwest where the story takes place. I wonder that she hasn't grasped that here on THIS continent, we don't speak like we're from Australia. Expressions were used in all of the books which made me feel like I was intruding into a country that I was unfamiliar with, when I live in the US.

The two primary characters are less than one-dimensional. One could argue that both characters change through the course of the story, and one would be wrong to argue such a thing. James is careful to point out that both Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele are changing throughout the story, but if the author has to tell you this herself, she's not doing her job. Both Grey and Steele continue to react to every possible scenario exactly as predicted. Every scenario is resolved exactly as predicted. Even the beginnings of the scenarios become predictable.

The formula seems to be as follows: Either character A or character B says or does something atrociously stupid and/or dangerous, a blow-up argument ensues, there is half a chapter or so of venomous grumbling on the part of Anastasia Steele and her internal selves (her inner goddess and her subconscious) cheer on her righteous indignation or criticize her poor decisions, the wrong-doing character apologizes by means of some kind of sexual act, and there are three or four pages of peace, love, and harmony. Lather, rinse, repeat. Even the sex isn't exciting by the time you get to the end of the first book. By the time you move on to the second book, you're more or less counting the pages until the end. And then, if you're like me, you're wishing you didn't even have to read the third one, but you must (MUST!) because you have to believe that something--ANYTHING--good can come out of this mess of bad language, boring sex stories, and cardboard characters. But you'll end up disappointed, just like me.

The stilted, awkward syntax throughout the story was a huge hurdle to overcome. I understand it was born of a fan-fic based on characters from Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series, which I have also read (and disliked), but a heavy-handed editor could have made enormous improvements which would have kept the series from reading like a piece of fan fiction. I only regret that I purchased this as an e-book; had I bought the paperbacks, I could at least have taken a red pen to it and fixed it to my satisfaction--and then perhaps I could have endured reading it a second time.

I would rather have given this trilogy a sub-zero rating, but unfortunately, that's not possible. I would rather have the twenty-four collective hours of my life back that I spent filling my thoughts with this heinous series.

The whole story could have been handled so much better. For one thing, the bad writing was so distracting it was difficult for me to hold onto what the story is actually ABOUT--which according to most fans of the series, is the love and healing that occurs between Anastasia and Christian. I wanted to believe in it, really, I did. I can't be accused of being pessimistic about love, as I have experienced a similar love/healing relationship in the last few years with a man who was badly damaged when we found each other. But it has taken five years of endless patience and reassurance to get him to understand what a gift he is to me and others who love him; but the speed of the development of the relationship between Anastasia and Christian was completely unrealistic. A man as internally damaged as this one was could not possibly fall head over heels in love with a woman as quickly as has been described. Women want to believe it's possible, we want to believe in a happy ending so desperately when we pick up this kind of escapist literature. But Christian Grey is not real. He's so incredibly unreal that it would make any other actual, real-life man impossible to measure up to him. I wonder why we set ourselves up like this. The happy ending, the knight on a white horse, the castle high on the mountain where the bad things can't touch us--these are things we dream of from the time we're little girls, and stories like this only encourage us to believe it can happen. But it's a dream. And when that dream doesn't come true for us, it makes us feel like we don't deserve the best. There's no way I would recommend this series to a friend, acquaintance, or even someone I don't like. Why would I put another woman through this? ...more

1

Jun 12, 2012

This was so awful, it was fun to read, and read...I read all three of them. Like a bad car wreck, I couldn't stop looking. Where do I start? Let's see, we have one, Ana Steele, newly graduated virgin, who is so smart and strong-willed, and so buried in classic literature that not even one singular male can turn her head. Until the day she fortuitously stands in for her best friend who is too sick with the flu to interview with one, Christian Grey (with an "e"), a 25-year-old self-made This was so awful, it was fun to read, and read...I read all three of them. Like a bad car wreck, I couldn't stop looking. Where do I start? Let's see, we have one, Ana Steele, newly graduated virgin, who is so smart and strong-willed, and so buried in classic literature that not even one singular male can turn her head. Until the day she fortuitously stands in for her best friend who is too sick with the flu to interview with one, Christian Grey (with an "e"), a 25-year-old self-made billionaire. Yes, that's right. BILLIONaire not millionaire at 25--he is drop-dead gorgeous, with chiseled cheekbones and auburn hair (why auburn?) that falls "foppishly" across his forehead. She is immediately so stricken by his presence that she literally trips into his office and falls into his arms. He, of course, is totally charmed by her innocence, her plain clothes, and her simple beauty. Other than her dark hair, that is all we know about Ana's physical appearance. Be that as it may, they both feel "jolts of electricity" course through their bodies at the slightest touch. Later on, Ana's jolts evolve into multiple orgasmic jolts simply through the brush of his hand on her arm, or the brush of his leather whip--either one will do. Her verbal response? "On MY!" I think she might have said "OH MY!" about 85 times throughout the series. Anyway, where was I? After the interview, she just can't stop thinking of him and his "wry smile," but no matter because he shows up the next day at the hardware store where she works, ordering everyday things like yards of twine and axes. Things progress quickly, and within a day or so, she is living with him at his mansion, complete with servants, a cook, bodyguards,etc. Sometimes he takes her to his country house in his private jet that he flies himself as he is an accomplished pilot. So, living at the mansion, she now never sees her friends or family any more as they are too busy having S/M sex approximately 12 times a day but also because Christian is a total control freak and won't let her out of his sight. But, there's something "different" about Ana, Christian feels. And, he is so taken with her, he doesn't make her sign his standard s/m contract specifying everything she is allowed to do and not do-- looking at him directly without his permission, for example (which would be difficult anyway since he usually blindfolds her before sexplay--oh MY!). But again, with Ana, it is oh so different. Of course eventually we learn that Christian's weird sexual proclivities are a result of his tragic early life: From his "crack whore" (yes, these are the actual words used) mother to his abusive foster family, he is a broken man. You see where this is going. If you don't SPOILER ALERT: The author actually has the audacity to have the last scene take place in a lovely field, strewn with flowers, a family picnic with their new baby boy and girl on the way. So, now you don't have to read the books, or do you? ...more

5

Sep 14, 2012

EMOTION VS REASON

For a while I doubted myself, my opinion and my feelings about this series.
In a way, that is why I couldn't bring myself to write a review about the Fifty Shades Trilogy.
I really don’t like doubting myself. I don’t like that insecurity and unstable ground because there is a conflict between what society has made you learned, what you yourself have learned and what your subconscious is felling.
I realized, in this case, to be at peace with myself I needed to separate mind and EMOTION VS REASON

For a while I doubted myself, my opinion and my feelings about this series.
In a way, that is why I couldn't bring myself to write a review about the Fifty Shades Trilogy.
I really don’t like doubting myself. I don’t like that insecurity and unstable ground because there is a conflict between what society has made you learned, what you yourself have learned and what your subconscious is felling.
I realized, in this case, to be at peace with myself I needed to separate mind and emotions. My mind has a completely different opinion of this series than my emotions, but the truth is that what really prevails for me here when I think about Fifty Shades are my emotions, not my mind.

At this point I don't care about all the bad press, the good or bad reviews, the bad quality of the writing, that it shows an unhealthy relationship, that it can't really be called BDSM, that some people could misinterpret it and degrade woman because of it, that has too much or too little sex, or yada, yada, yada. I don't care anymore what people get or don't from it, there are so many debates about it, justifications, explanations, etc, etc... that I am kind of fed up honestly.

So yeah, I am not going to justify anything, or rationalize why I gave it 5 stars. Everything positive or negative about these books have already been pointed out, criticized and argued. What matters to me now is that I liked it, I enjoyed it very much while I read it, in fact I could not put it down, I eat the series up. Since that very first time, I have read it and listen to the audiobooks many more times, and I have no doubt I will do it again because I find pleasure in it.
There is no explanation other than emotionally I feel satisfied when I read it. Some might think is fucked up, maybe it is. Reading is my drug of choice, sometimes is for my mind, sometimes for my feelings, other times is for both. In this instance with Fifty Shades, the fix is for my emotions alone and they love it. So there, you don’t like it, sue me.

If you haven’t read this series yet and are questioning what to do, all I can say is that if you are someone who can shut your brain an listen to your feelings then go ahead, you might enjoy it and find fulfillment. If you are a person who cannot disconnect your mind, then you would probably find more bumps and problems with these books than satisfaction, because there sure are many.
...more

3

May 19, 2012

Ok. Roll your eyes. Judge me. I am English teacher who considers herself fairly well read and a feminist. But I read these. And I read them very quickly. But...you know what?? I not-so-secretly enjoyed them...
The bad: These books are horribly written. I mean horribly written. Besides the fact that writing is awful and I literally laughed out loud or blushed at times (and not at the sex...at the horrific dialouge), the plot (if you can call it that) is all over the place--James clearly isn't Ok. Roll your eyes. Judge me. I am English teacher who considers herself fairly well read and a feminist. But I read these. And I read them very quickly. But...you know what?? I not-so-secretly enjoyed them...
The bad: These books are horribly written. I mean horribly written. Besides the fact that writing is awful and I literally laughed out loud or blushed at times (and not at the sex...at the horrific dialouge), the plot (if you can call it that) is all over the place--James clearly isn't aware of a subplot works, how to seriously work out conflicts or find a climax (no pun intended). But let's be honest,I didn't pick these up for the literary merit. It'd be like my husband reading Playboy for the articles.
The good: These books are deliciously trashy and fun. Again, I consider myself a feminist and while I did take issue with some of Christian's comments and observations on women, I had to remind myself what I was reading. And what this is really about--a good trashy read. And you got to hand it to James--the woman can't write to save her life (though I don't think she sees herself as such), she has tapped into many women's fantasies: an incredibly rich, sexy, handsome man who is just damaged enough that the woman can actually save him. And yes, the woman goes from being a clumsy plain Jane to a high powered sex goddess (I won't even mention how James totally ripped off Meyer's Twilight b/c I think she's pretty honest in that regard admitting that this did start as fan fiction).
You have to take these for what they are worth and just enjoy. Or at least appreciate a laugh at times.
So yes, I did it. I read them. And I'm not ashamed to admit it (ok, a little ashamed). But thankfully it's on my Kindle so maybe I will re-read these on the beach this summer...and nobody has to know... ...more

5

Jan 16, 2015

*****5 +++++ My Favorite Fictional Boyfriend EVER!!!! stars

Re-read with Sharon, Patty & Mel)
(My 5th read)


I've always enjoy reading, since a young age but a few years ago when this amazing trilogy first came out and I read it, my reading habit exploded and I went from reading 10 books a year to 100 and more, turning me into a total reading addict. If I'm honest I have to say that the writing style of these books is not all that great but the story plot and the character of Christian Grey were *****5 +++++ My Favorite Fictional Boyfriend EVER!!!! stars

Re-read with Sharon, Patty & Mel)
(My 5th read)


I've always enjoy reading, since a young age but a few years ago when this amazing trilogy first came out and I read it, my reading habit exploded and I went from reading 10 books a year to 100 and more, turning me into a total reading addict. If I'm honest I have to say that the writing style of these books is not all that great but the story plot and the character of Christian Grey were not only memorable but truly captivating. I'm really not surprised that no matter how many times I read this books (5), I always get the same intense feelings and it just makes me love it more and more. Since there has been enough said about this books I'll just do a few gifs that better describe my feelings about the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy...

Every time I'm going to start re-reading this books I get giddy...



Every time I read about my beloved Christian I get Goosebumps and totally flustered...



And I often have to take cold showers in order to calm myself down, needles to say my husband loves it every time I read these books *wiggles eyebrows



And finally for all of you who also love Christian Grey...




Big kiss to my lovely BR partners, you girls rock!!!


...more

1

Jan 07, 2013

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

If I didn’t already know FIFTY SHADES OF GREY started out as TWILIGHT fanfiction, I’d like to think I could decipher the code based on the myriad of similarities between the two novels. The following are a few examples (and by all means not a comprehensive list): a virgin main character; uber-successful parents on the boyfriend’s side; divorced parents, where the daughter lives with her father; a clumsy, melodramatic, younger than her years main character; a complete hatred FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

If I didn’t already know FIFTY SHADES OF GREY started out as TWILIGHT fanfiction, I’d like to think I could decipher the code based on the myriad of similarities between the two novels. The following are a few examples (and by all means not a comprehensive list): a virgin main character; uber-successful parents on the boyfriend’s side; divorced parents, where the daughter lives with her father; a clumsy, melodramatic, younger than her years main character; a complete hatred of receiving presents; a pale complexion and dark hair, where everyone finds her attractive but she does not; extremely attractive, supposedly out of her reach boyfriend; gorgeous, friendly, graceful sister; complete avoidance of high risk activities, except in the name of love; drives broken-down automobiles fixed by mechanic friends; the elusive friend who is totally into her and perfect in many ways but she’s not interested; boyfriend tells her on multiple occasions that he’s not right for her and does everything he can to discourage her affection; and despite being a virgin, she is magically good in bed and a skilled lover.

Or in other words, what we have here is teenage fantasy supposedly based in reality, yet with TWILIGHT the reader already has the suspension of disbelief, since it’s a vampire/werewolf/human love triangle. With FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, the teenage fantasy plays out in real time and on the streets of Seattle and Portland, among other locations. Aside from the overuse of Fuck (like it holds some sort of deeper meaning) and mentioning way too many firsts, had both references been pared down to more manageable levels, the writing actually did hold a certain amount of appeal. Sure her ability to orgasm on command was a bit comical, and her number of orgasms in Grey’s presence could probably satisfy an entire church choir, but this is teenage fantasy after all, and in this regard it very much resembles TWILIGHT, although at least like any normal couple there was actual sex involved. In that regard, I must give E.L. James credit, because she literally held nothing back, and I was certainly entertained, if not a bit flabbergasted by the level of f*cking that took place in this novel without the benefits of those little blue pills.

Setting aside the teenage fantasy bit for a minute, the relationship between Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele was actually believable and intriguing, yet based on Christian’s propensity for subs and lack of ability to love, I did find it a bit comical that she broke up with him after three weeks or so because he wasn’t willing to profess his undying love and affection. So, yes, I’m intrigued to read the next book, and in fact, I’ve already started it, but my wife has told me it gets worse from here. So I approach the finish line with trepidation, but I vow to make it all the way through, one way or another, and I shall do it all in the name of scientific research. Yes, that’s what I shall tell the curiosity demon that harbors within me.

FIFTY SHADES DARKER

FIVE DAYS. A good alternative title for this series. Why? That’s the extent of the breakup of Christian and Anastasia. I’ve had goldfish when I was six last longer than that. Sure, short breakups can happen, mere hiccups in the game of life, but this one seemed forced, and the questions that hadn’t been answered before the breakup certainly weren’t answered when the two of them got back together. It was like a high school crush that suddenly turned into a high school crush again, and based on the relationship and its ramifications, the two lovers deserved something more. As readers we deserved a little bit more.

As for the sexual encounters—and FIFTY SHADES DARKER certainly had plenty of those, not that I’m complaining mind you—they reminded me of a conductor with a baton, leading up to some dramatic crescendo or climax. Every. Single. Time. The batting 1.000 climax did strain my believability just a bit, which led me to the following question: What percentage of women climax from penetration alone? This book certainly led me to ponder questions of the universe like this, and being a guy, I don’t have a definitive answer. All I know is Anastasia reminded me of a fembot with machine gun jubblies and a platinum vagina who was wetter than the Euphrates and comes on command. Not that this is a bad thing if your setting is an alternate universe with alien life forms, then you can certainly make up your own rules. Since this setting is the real world, though, the FIFTY SHADES OF GREY trilogy should be grounded in some semblance of reality, not a teenage fantasy with twenty-something year olds with raging hormones.

Even the conflict felt forced to me. There wasn’t enough conflict to sustain a 544 page novel, so it became artificially created, like the alternate universe that might have been a better setting for this novel. Anastasia’s three main sources of conflict—Leila, Elena (Mrs. Robinson), and Jack—could have been stronger villains. Instead, the three felt like shells of what they could have been and felt artificially created to sustain this novel. We’re developing some sort of theme here, aren’t we? Anyway, give E.L. James credit, because she recognized that conflict was needed, but this was bad conflict. And it could have been much better.

Probably the single most detrimental aspect of this novel, though, was the dramatic and abrupt change in Christian’s personality. For the first two-thirds of this novel, coupled with the entire previous one, we had 890 pages of Christian being Christian. He was strong, tough, distant, and probably a bit too beautiful for his own good, but I’m nitpicking here. In other words, he made this novel interesting, until he metamorphosed into some alien life form and became a submissive to Anastasia, all based on Ana threatening to leave. Which made absolutely no sense because she’d already left once before, for no really strong reason, thus proving her instability. Instead of manning up, like his character should have done, he dropped to his knees and stared at her with pleading, puppy dog eyes. I might have coughed up my Cheerios, had it not been over fourteen hours since breakfast.

I’m a little scared to read FIFTY SHADES FREED. Call it morbid curiosity, though. It’s like watching a train wreck on the news, because I can’t seem to look away. But I will trudge onward. I will.

FIFTY SHADES FREED

I feel like I’ve been cheated in every possible sense of the word. Cheated out of a wedding, cheated out of the first two weeks of the honeymoon, cheated out of a relationship that hinted at so much promise yet managed to under deliver, cheated out of plotting and conflict and other writing techniques that were under-executed or done ineffectively, and cheated out of hours upon hours of my life.

If Christian Grey were an unemployed garbage man with six pack abs and a washboard stomach, I can’t help but think this wouldn’t have been a phenomenon, and there would have been no happily ever after for the Greys. No white horse, no cowboys, and no barebacked nude riding off into the sunset, which by the way, might have been a better ending for FIFTY SHADES FREED. At least it would have made the unbelievable sex seem a tad more believable. Yet, here we are with Christian, an emotionally distant, controlling, narcissist. And Ana is supposed to be the one to save him. Seems to me that is Fifty Shades of Fucked Up. With this trilogy, the feminist movement is dead, buried, and headed straight for Hell. But at least the kinky fuckery makes it all worthwhile, right?

As for the white roses, long flowing gown, picture-perfect wedding ceremony, that was relegated to the backburner, otherwise known as flashbacks, and the reader grabbed bits and pieces. It’s very similar to starving oneself for a week and then being handed a saucer-sized plate of cheese and crackers. Yeah, I would have passed out if I wasn’t already lying down waiting for the next tiny morsel to be tossed my way.

As for the first two weeks or so of the honeymoon, it’s like it never existed except for a bit of descriptive summary. But as long as you’re okay missing vital organs or vitally important parts of your life, because after all you blacked out after your tenth shot of Jose Cuervo Gold, then it’s okay to miss both your wedding and your honeymoon, which lasted much longer than a billionaire CEO and recently promoted editor could possibly manage without the help of either aliens or cloning or overly sympathetic bosses. Yeah, I’m not sure I’m buying it either.

Conflict avoidance has reached near panic level. Sure, conflict was there, but I had to dig for it like I was shoveling for my own grave, and then I was going to be tossed in afterwards with my hands zip-tied behind my back and spitting up dirt. Jack popped in for a brief interlude, after the conductor had already waved his magic wand, and Leila (who was probably consuming massive amounts of happy pills) and Elena, aka Mrs. Robinson, were literally nowhere to be found, unless a brief reference is counted as full-fledged character development. Yeah, I must have missed that memo in Writing 101. But Christian managed to nearly drink himself to death once he found out Ana was pregnant, so that could be construed as conflict, if that’s all you really have to work with.

If you’re willing to suspend disbelief (and I mean really suspend it to teenage hormonal fantasy level), then the sex scenes work perfectly. So at least E.L. James has that going for her.

Fifty Shades of Done.

Cross-posted at Robert's Reads ...more

2

Jul 08, 2012

Sifting through the Fifty Shades trilogy, I started paying more attention to patterns than to the plot. Perhaps E L James (choosing to respect her apparent wishes to drop the periods after her initials) repeated the phrase "you are one fucked up bitch" six times in Fifty Shades Darker in order to aid rote memorization, perhaps not, but I'm sure Homer wouldn't have done it any differently. At any rate, I embarked on my own odyssey in search of something all the books in the trilogy shared; Sifting through the Fifty Shades trilogy, I started paying more attention to patterns than to the plot. Perhaps E L James (choosing to respect her apparent wishes to drop the periods after her initials) repeated the phrase "you are one fucked up bitch" six times in Fifty Shades Darker in order to aid rote memorization, perhaps not, but I'm sure Homer wouldn't have done it any differently. At any rate, I embarked on my own odyssey in search of something all the books in the trilogy shared; something which could pull the whole series together.

Well, I think I've found it. Appearing at least fifteen times in each book as simply "I shake my head," the phrase runs through E L James's book like a true idée fixe, sometimes appearing only a sentence after its last appearance!

But E L James is nothing if not creative, and she shows us many different ways of shaking one's head. Here are more than fifty cumulative ways of shaking one's head, as found throughout the Fifty Shades series. (And, yes, it's possible I missed some. I shake my head at science!)

From Fifty Shades of Grey:

"I shake my head, disturbed at the direction of my thoughts..."
"I shake my head to gather my wits."
"I shake my head, because I just don’t know."
"I shake my head, and he heads to the counter."
"I shake my head at her in a back-off now Kavanagh way – but I might as well be dealing with a blind, deaf mute."
"I shake my head, not daring to tell him and keep my eyes on my food."
"I shake my head. Not for food."
"I shake my head, so much to think about."
"I shake my head in defeat."
"I shake my head to concentrate on the task at hand."
"I shake my head in disbelief."
"I shake my head, and she rolls her eyes at me."
"I shake my head as I wander back inside."
"I shake my head resigned and grasp Christian’s toothbrush."
"I shake my head at the realization."
"I shake my head at his largesse, and I frown as a scene from Tess crosses my mind: the strawberry scene."
"I shake my head as the thought crosses my mind that Christian might have purchased the adjacent seat so that I couldn’t talk to anyone. "
"I shake my head amused, and before I realize it, I roll my eyes at him."

From Fifty Shades Darker:

"I shake my head and flush before taking a less confrontational approach."
"I shake my head, confused."
"I shake my head, equally puzzled."
"I shake my head, but my heart is in my mouth."
"I shake my head in disapproval because of the expense, but deep down I love it."
"I shake my head, trying to clear my mind."
"I shake my head—Christian Mindfuck Grey."
"I shake my head, disgusted at myself..."
"I shake my head sleepily. No way."
"I shake my head, remembering my body bowed and wanting beneath his expert hands."
"I shake my head in disbelief."
"I shake my head at the screen, but figure I cannot continue to argue with him over e-mail."
"I shake my head to reassure him."
"I shake my head and stare out my window at the gray Seattle day, feeling forlorn."
"I shake my head as I realize I need to start communicating."
"I shake my head and clutch José’s hand."
"I shake my head and clamber unsteadily to my feet."
"I shake my head at him—he’s actually being serious?"
"I shake my head thinking about my mythical father."

From Fifty Shades Freed:

"I shake my head slowly, deliberately, trying to look as serious as possible. He closes his eyes and shakes his head then tilts his head back in surrender."
"I shake my head . . . one day, maybe."
"I shake my head, causing him to release my ear and gaze up at him."
"I shake my head to emphasize my point."
"I shake my head in frustration but I’m grateful that he’s telling Miss Provocative-And-Unfortunately-Good-At-Her-Job just who’s in charge."
"I shake my head vehemently."
"I shake my head, and his brow furrows once more."
"I shake my head in resignation."
"I shake my head in denial..."
"I shake my head and reach up to caress his lovely face."
"I shake my head, unable to speak."
"I shake my head as I recall my distressing, tense encounter..."
"I shake my head mutely." (Ed. note: is there any other way?)
"I shake my head and sigh loudly." (Ed. note: shouldn't have asked!)
"I shake my head, exasperated at myself and at Hannah . . . "
"I shake my head as Taylor sets off toward the hospital."
"I shake my head and pick up his socks and tie, and fold his jacket over my arm."
"I shake my head and gingerly get out of bed."
"I shake my head slowly, deliberately, trying to look as serious as possible."

This kind of laser-like thematic focus is rare, folks. Truly impressive stuff. ...more

1

Jul 10, 2012

I admit to some embarrassment at having read even the first of these books, let alone all three. When I started, I didn't know they were Twilight fanfiction (though I'm not sure it would have made a difference in my decision to forge ahead). What I did know was seemingly everyone was talking about them. Even my well-read friends were talking about them. And, frankly, I've been left behind on the pop-culture train before, and I don't much like feeling the out-of-it dunce. So I've learned that I admit to some embarrassment at having read even the first of these books, let alone all three. When I started, I didn't know they were Twilight fanfiction (though I'm not sure it would have made a difference in my decision to forge ahead). What I did know was seemingly everyone was talking about them. Even my well-read friends were talking about them. And, frankly, I've been left behind on the pop-culture train before, and I don't much like feeling the out-of-it dunce. So I've learned that sometimes it's worth dredging through the schlock to understand references in every day conversation. Besides, I'd heard that our local Heathman Hotel is featured in the novels and had started offering a "Fifty Shades" package but wasn't saying what all that included. I figured reading the books might offer a clue.

I still can't quite believe I read all three - but in my defense ... the first ended so abruptly that downloading the second felt imperative. I don't care for stories with no resolution. By the time I finished the second, I had ridiculously unrealistic hopes that somehow, someway Anastasia would come to her senses and end the whole thing. So I picked up the third with delusions that I'd see the resolution I sought. (Note to self: again, if I'd known these were Twilight fanfiction, my mind wouldn't even have gone there. Must research the history of books before indulging?)

In any case, I don't understand the allure. I keep hearing the descriptions of "mommy porn" and I've had a few friends say the sex scenes make them blush. Huh? I'm not a mom, so maybe I can't speak to that demographic. But nothing about the scenes was sexy or titillating to me. I suspect there are a number of things that contribute to that - Anastasia's naivete - the "virgin girl meets experienced man who teaches her everything she'll ever know about sex" storyline angers me more than it turns me on, the "inner goddess" crap - WAY too much of that, the "down there" references - really? The playroom scenes might have held some promise as offering something new and different to my imagination, but they weren't terribly descriptive. I found myself wondering if the author had any experience with BDSM because those scenes felt underdeveloped to me. (And my only "experience" with the lifestyle is having read Whipsmart by Melissa Febos, so it's not as though I've got any expertise, but there were times when I was reading that I felt like I had more background than James does.)

So it's non-erotic erotica, eh? Mostly though, I left the books feeling sad and angry that they've become so popular. Sad and angry that so many women think the books are fantastic. Sad and angry that the media is pimping them out as a way to bring sex back into marriages. It's not because the books are poorly written - though they are. It's not because I feel for couples whose sex lives are so dull that the mere mention of "down there" can spice things up tenfold - though I do. It's because these books portray a controlling, abusive relationship as one of love, and NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT. And I'm not talking about the whips and chains - I'm in favor of people having consensual sexual relationships that suit their needs, and if that includes a little "kinky f*ckery," as Christian & Anastasia call it, who am I to object? I'm talking about the stalking, the distrust, the lying, the controlling. This is not a healthy, loving relationship, and I am sad and angry that we seem to have elevated it to the height of romance and allure. ...more

0

Jun 10, 2012

After reading all three of the series I thought they were quite entertaining. If some minds think this erotica is "dirty" they do not have very advertureous minds.

5

Apr 15, 2012

OMG! Seriously one of the best reads I have read in a long time. I heard the controversy and to be honest you need to read it before you judge because it's all BS!
It was HOT and had me cry twice in book two and fall for the characters- all of them)
Christian is a broken man from a terrible childhood and Ana is an young woman who helps him grow and mend. Together they grow through the intricacies of their lives, past and present and I tell you a few times I was too scared to read further because I OMG! Seriously one of the best reads I have read in a long time. I heard the controversy and to be honest you need to read it before you judge because it's all BS!
It was HOT and had me cry twice in book two and fall for the characters- all of them)
Christian is a broken man from a terrible childhood and Ana is an young woman who helps him grow and mend. Together they grow through the intricacies of their lives, past and present and I tell you a few times I was too scared to read further because I didn't want their relationship to go through anything more but they needed it to grow together and I as a reader was addicted.
I bought one and then finished it and within two minutes bought number two and the same happened with three.
I'm not an erotica reader as such but this series had me panting for more.
Please, don't judge by rumors, Judge for yourself. Grab the free sample and if you are not hooked by the end of that then this book is plainly not for you but may be for others.
Happy and hot
Kez ...more

5

Jul 21, 2012

I can understand how much of America would have a difficult time with these books being sexually repressed as a society, but I found it very interesting to watch Ana grow into a woman in this series as an inexperienced woman yet not submissive as many may think. She experiences and stands her ground. She is open minded and explores where she sets her boundaries. It's a wonderful love story as well.

4

Jun 11, 2012

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. It’s pretty hard to ignore all the hype and controversy surrounding E.L James’s FIFTY SHADES trilogy. Mind blowing how many people are talking about the books…since the 1st book, FIFTY SHADES OF GREY was released at the beginning of Apr 2012, it’s absolutely incredible the number of reviews I have seen. Amazon has almost 6000 posted reviews and probably twice as much on their discussion boards!!!!!

I am an insatiable, voracious avid reader and over the years and the amount of reading I know what It’s pretty hard to ignore all the hype and controversy surrounding E.L James’s FIFTY SHADES trilogy. Mind blowing how many people are talking about the books…since the 1st book, FIFTY SHADES OF GREY was released at the beginning of Apr 2012, it’s absolutely incredible the number of reviews I have seen. Amazon has almost 6000 posted reviews and probably twice as much on their discussion boards!!!!!

I am an insatiable, voracious avid reader and over the years and the amount of reading I know what I like and don’t like. But I am not a writer and I admire and love the fact that there are people who can use words to create worlds that I am able to engage with. The whole craze, fixation about the books, whether positive or negative is not an issue…..it’s the fact that EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT!!! And I have to congratulate the author for this…it’s the best and free publicity ensuring high sales, which is after all, what a writer and the publisher, naturally, want to have.

By now, thousands of reviews have been written and everyone pretty much the story of virgin Anastasia Steele & dark Christian Grey. So I am going to write on what I liked and didn’t like after reading THE BOOK.

Don't click if you don't want to read spoilers (view spoiler)[... (hide spoiler)]

CHRISTIAN GREY – and yes, him first!!!!!! Because I really warmed up to the guy. Okay, it does seem far-fetched, OTT that a guy by the age of 27…YES TWENTY-SEVEN (where to these kind of guys live..certainly not here in my place!!). But listen, this is a fantasy, fiction where anything is possible..there is no impossibilities here..so if you are 27, gorgeous, rich…no a billionaire, you fly helicopters, gliders, feed the poor in Africa, wears the most incredible designer clothes, a body to die for, a sex fiend in bed – he’s smoldering..fabulicious never ending sex and in one go too, beyond fabulous gray eyes, a loving family, hot hot cars, owns an empire where he still finds lots of time to chase the woman he wants and write tons of emails to her, how can any woman in her right mind not want him!!!!!!!!

Yes, he seems like an unemotional control freak..But under all this glamour, there is something dark and intriguing about him. Something sad and painful inside him that wants me to do something to make it all go away. By the end I was totaled “dazzled”. What interests me about Christian is the way he tries to portray himself as this remote tycoon, living alone with no friends and just a spectator in his world. Yet, the more I learnt about him seem to be in total contradiction to what he believes he is. He has a warm and loving (at least that’s what it seemed to me) with his family (although I sense something about his stepmother that makes me wonder if there is some deep, dark secret about her!), he’s kind to his housekeeper, his bodyguard, is passionate about sharing his vast, and I mean vast wealth with underprivileged people. The contradictions in his persona are what makes me not believe that he’s not a good man.

ANASTASIA STEELE – I was beyond irritated with this girl/woman by the middle of the book. No, it’s not possible; she cannot be 22…no way!!!!! Maybe there’s a generation gap between Ana & I - is that how people in their twenty’s speak??? (more about that later). It’s more like a 16 year old would talk about her crush on that gorgeous, rich man!!!! And all those emails…drove me crazy after a while but it does fill pages!!!!!! What would Ana have done if Christian hadn’t given her a Mac – not even available to the plebs like us!)….what, she’s never owned her laptop? A student in the age of technology!!!!!!

All that crying…wooo poor me…I just love him and he just wants to spank me!!! Boo boo….Grow up and act real I kept saying to myself. I smiled when I read she was a virgin…wow, and here I was thinking that it only happens in a Mills & Boon aka Silhouette romance book and not in an erotica/bdsm book!!!!!! An insecure virgin, who constantly bites her lower lip, blushes and flushes suddenly is having orgasms by the dozen…she just has to look at the gorgeous Christian and wow…no need for sex, looking at does the same thing!!!! And so innocent that is able, at her first try, the best blowjob he has EVER ever had!!! The characterization of Ana from being this “green” with sex suddenly jumps to a hot temptress was just not believable to me…oh forgot…this is fictional and anything can happen and be!!!! When she asks Christian “are you going to play on your X-box” had me rolling on the floor.

Now, after writing all of the above about Ana, I honestly admit that I began thinking that perhaps I misunderstood her..maybe there was more to her than I thought…and then….pow….she does something totally insensitive…I wanted to pull her hair…pity she did not have her pigtails hairstyle!!! After going through the whole contract stuff (which I thought was so OTT), Christian not pushing or demanding that she agrees to his wants/needs, after telling us how much she really loves him…….decides she can’t handle it and no longer wants to be with him and his problems. Girl, love, real love would have you help the man to face and overcome his problems, his pain and loneliness and not leave when things get tough!!!

REPITION – this seems to be one of the most heated discussion of the book, and in all honesty the overuse of certain words did irritate me a bit..well more than a bit!! I know we are suppose to believe that Ana is this naïve, innocent virgin but her vocabulary! It’s very limited but as I mentioned before, perhaps this is the newspeak of the new generation!!!! And both characters did the same and said the same things over and over and over again.
I found some interesting information that someone did on their kindle about this subject:
Ana’s “holy crap, double crap”, “holy shit” some 90 times, Christian “cocks his head to one side” 20 times, both “raise eyebrows” over 50 times, Ana’s” inner goddess” is mentioned up to 50 times , smirk, rolling of eyes, and “oh my’s” that by the middle of the book my head was spinning with word bombardments (hope such a word exists).

THE SEX , THE BSDM AND MOMMY PORN STUFF – don’t understand why there is such an emphasis on the whole bondage and sex stuff. And what on earth is Mommy Porn???? Ana & Christian’s first sexual encounters were pretty tame compared to some other books that I have read. And all the bondage stuff…though I have read very little about this subject so I can’t comment about it and my thought was…is that it????? I expected more violence and pain, for it to be a bit more dirty and sordid, although I find it strange that Ana would agree to enter into this kind of relationship just because she loved Christian. Would any woman be prepared to accept the whole domination thing so easily????

THE TWILIGHT “THING” – so I now am aware that this book was originally written as fanfiction so I should have realized that there would be similarities. And there are many. Though the names are different, the story tweaked here and there, it is basically like reading Edward & Bella’s erotic (soft rather than hard) porno love story.
Ana lives in Continental USA, is beautiful (but doesn’t know it!), smart, loves English classics (read Tess instead of Wuthering Heights!!!!!), has a ditzy mother who she feels very protective over and cannot believe someone like Christian would want to be with her..oh yes there is also another guy who wants her too (thankfully she never goes as far as Bella did with Jacob!!).
Christian is the ultimate beautiful male (and I mean beautiful..it’s mentioned so many times that it’s impossible not to get it!!). He has a fabulously styled copper colored mop, anything – well designer it is- he wears looks amazing on him. His body is to die for. He’s beyond rich and loves to give her gifts…an Audi no less.
And “What am I going to do with you?” Edward..sorry no Christian asks Ana. Christian plays piano like a pro. And such a lovely and warm family he has. I would have thought that the editor would have done something about the two stories being so similar but I am not qualified enough to say more about the editing here.
Although I read that Stephenie Meyer, the author of Twilight had no problem with the similarities.

In conclusion, caved in and joined the FSOG TRIBE. Yes I read THE BOOK. And what, finished it in two days!!!!!!!!! And wanted to read the next installment immediately, which told me that……….okay, it’s not the most incredible book I have read, it’s not a classic that will be used in schools, it’s not “Jane Eyre”, the sex wasn’t that out there exciting, sensual or even a turn-on for me and the plot..can’t really say much about that.

However, it was not as bad as some of the reviews I have seen. I don’t believe it was ever meant to be seen as a brilliant piece of literature (which it isn’t) but was it entertaining? Yes, absolutely!!!! I didn’t hate it. But I want to find out who Mrs Robinson is, what is Christian’s dark secret, is there something more about his stepmother, what will Ana do next, and Christian…he’s like embedded in my head!!!!

Those are some of the reasons I am giving this review 4 stars instead of the 3 I was going to give originally. But - If a book can get me so engaged it had to be more than just an average and mediocre tale. And for the author to have the guts to do something that very few writers manage to do…..get people talking about it and get them to buy, buy your books. 10 million copies sold in America alone – IN 6 WEEKS!!! And now the talk is that Hollywood wants to turn her books into a movie!! It’s a writer’s dream come true and that is BEYOND AWESOME!!! One has to show respect to this woman!!!!!

So now onto Fifty Shades of Darker…need to discover more about the books that everyone is talking about (some blurb on the cover, which I think works very well)

...more

1

Aug 09, 2012

This trilogy really did not live up to the hype. It is poorly written and I struggled to get lost in the story or motivate myself to complete the books. The characters were very one dimensional and the plot of the story was extremely weak. There was so much repetition ie eye rolling, lip biting, blushing, twitchy palming that at times i wanted to throw the book out of the window. Ana going from an innocent level headed virgin to a needy sex maniac in the space of a few days was totally This trilogy really did not live up to the hype. It is poorly written and I struggled to get lost in the story or motivate myself to complete the books. The characters were very one dimensional and the plot of the story was extremely weak. There was so much repetition ie eye rolling, lip biting, blushing, twitchy palming that at times i wanted to throw the book out of the window. Ana going from an innocent level headed virgin to a needy sex maniac in the space of a few days was totally unbelievable, and i felt very let down that her character turned out to be just another weak idiotic Bella type! Christians personality was disturbing to say the least. He is a controlling sick twisted jekyll and Hyde and i found it hard to be entertained by reading about a man who wants to anal fist, dominate or isolate a woman! Okay so some people are into this so called 'kinky f*ckery' and I have no issue with that, what i have an issue with is the idea that a storyline whereby a man choosing to sleep with, beat and dominate women who resemble his mother; is being labelled as Erotica. To be fair, I will applaud the author for managing to capture the attention of women far and wide, and making money off such a story. However, I think reading this trilogy was a waste of two weeks for me. The sex scenes were more disgusting than tantalising!!! ...more

1

Jul 22, 2012

So happy to have found this site!! I wrote about "50" last night on Amazon and upon reading other reviews afterwards, I saw a recommend of Katrina Lumsden's on this site from another Amo reviewer. LOVED KL's snarky truths, btw! Wish I had found goodreads and her before I bought this ridiculous series. As I said in my Amo review, I gave it one star because I couldn't give it negative five stars. As I also said about the character Anastasia, "Think Bella with a butt plug." This series really So happy to have found this site!! I wrote about "50" last night on Amazon and upon reading other reviews afterwards, I saw a recommend of Katrina Lumsden's on this site from another Amo reviewer. LOVED KL's snarky truths, btw! Wish I had found goodreads and her before I bought this ridiculous series. As I said in my Amo review, I gave it one star because I couldn't give it negative five stars. As I also said about the character Anastasia, "Think Bella with a butt plug." This series really lowered the stretch bar (pun intended.) In my defense, when I wrote my review on Amo, I didn't know "50" was supposed to be fanfic. So I really reamed E.L. James for her rip-offs of Meyer's characters. Further in my defense, now that I know it's fanfic, it still sucks big bags. She not only rips off Twilight, but the piano scene is straight outta Pretty Woman, right down to the tinkling notes of the piano keys as her feet slide across them. I also mentioned American Psycho, which I see KL did as well, which made me laugh in a really good-feeling kind of way. I know she was actually comparing "his love of music" to his "beautiful but damaged soul, nope he's not really a psycho", which she is absolutely spot-on and freakin' hilarious, but the books (the one and a half that I was able to get down), did have an 80's, American Psycho feel for me. I guess with the high-rise and the creepy psycho/stalker that resides there, it wasn't a great stretch of the imagination on my part. Basically, these two stunted characters are just bags of bones that should have been left in the closet. ...more