4.13

1

Jun 03, 2012

Yeah, I've continued with the series. Why, you ask? Why, when I so thoroughly despised Fifty Shades of Grey, would I do this to myself?

Why, for the fun factor, of course! Bad writing tends to make me giddy because I'm much better at being a horribly judgmental person critic than I am at....well, most anything else. Reading books this awful actually brings a certain amount of joy into my life. Plus, I had a few people tell me they couldn't wait for my reviews of the second and third Fifty books. Yeah, I've continued with the series. Why, you ask? Why, when I so thoroughly despised Fifty Shades of Grey, would I do this to myself?

Why, for the fun factor, of course! Bad writing tends to make me giddy because I'm much better at being a horribly judgmental person critic than I am at....well, most anything else. Reading books this awful actually brings a certain amount of joy into my life. Plus, I had a few people tell me they couldn't wait for my reviews of the second and third Fifty books. Alas, here I am. Unfortunately (for me), Fifty Shades Darker wasn't quite as bad as as its predecessor. Don't get me wrong, it was still awful, but the rage-inducing badness of the first wasn't quite as powerful here. Or maybe I've built up a bit of an immunity. No matter, it's still bad, and I'm still going to have a hell of a lot of fun writing about it. Now, the first installment in this series made me so angry, I could barely write a coherent review. I'll be using more source material this time around (but don't worry, there will still be gifs).

Very first sentence:
"He's come back. Mommy's asleep or she's sick again."

My reaction to that sentence was a snort of laughter.

We begin with a prologue of Christian Grey having a night terror regarding a childhood memory. I simply couldn't help laughing when his mom's pimp treated me to six utterances of, "You are one fucked-up bitch." In a row.

After the prologue, we're right back in Anastasia's head (it's a good thing there's room for us in there). We're treated to a chapter of her wallowing in depression and self-pity while wasting away because Christian isn't there to remind her that eating is a fundamental aspect of survival. We're also introduced to Ana's new job at SIP, a small publishing company, and to her new boss. Mr. Jack Hyde.

Mr. Hyde? Really?


Psst! He's a villain! It isn't at all obvious, either. Total surprise.

After what seems a rather generous amount of whining from Ana, she and Christian are back together. Yay! All that screwed-up physical violence forgotten. It's so sweet, too, their reunion. Christian asks Ana why she didn't safeword in the midst of his assault (which occurred at the end of the first book), and she admits that she was overwhelmed and just...forgot. Call me crazy, but to me, this is understandable. You're not used to this consensual punishment thing (not to mention the fact that you never explicitly consented in the first place) and your man is enjoying viciously turning your ass into a slab of raw beef, and you forget there's an easy way out of it. I get that. Christian, not so much. He asks how he's ever going to trust her again. And Ana? She apologizes.



Was I angry when I read that? Shit, yes, but thankfully, things ended up taking a turn. Ana sort of starts to stand up for herself and Christian begins to catch on that he's a total d-bag and maybe he should tone it down. This is where the story changed for me. It went from all-out rage-inducing (like the first book), to incomprehensible hilarity. I had thought the first line was good, but in comparison, lines like this are pure comedic gold:

"I want you, and the thought of anyone else having you is like a knife twisting in my dark soul."



Oh my, it's my dream man. He's crazy with a side of fries and he utters the worst romanticisms this side of a Nicholas Sparks novel.

The sex scenes are tamer in terms of their content, but they're also extremely limited in terms of content. The same thing happens every time; Christian flashes Ana a "look", during which his eyes darken (he might have a serious ocular condition), desire "pools in her belly", some undressing occurs, then there's nipple teasing, he blows, sucks, nips, licks, whatever, and she is usually pretty passive, save for her gyrating hips, which were once "caught up in his cool vanilla spell" (I couldn't make this shit up), and then....Ana explodes.

WARNING: Graphic Visual Interpretation of Christian and Ana's Sex (view spoiler)[ (hide spoiler)]

Oh, and she apparently loses consciousness after every orgasm. Why is this happening? She might be anemic. She should get that checked out.

There was one really gross sex scene, though. The ice cream scene. Christian is dripping ice cream all over Ana, and I was going, "Ewwww!" because I really hate the stickiness of sugary foods anywhere on my body, and can you imagine that shit getting in your hair? (Oh, hush). Whatever, that's not the point. The point is, this doesn't sound right: "He shifts lower and starts eating the ice cream in my belly..."



It's the Zombie plague! It's got hold of Fifty! It's Fifty shades of viscera!!

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

Aaaanywho, where was I? Oh, right, the sex. Boring. Even more boring than in the first book because the same wording is used for nearly every scene. And since there are a lot of sex scenes, I experienced no less than 15 instances of deja vu. Even my inner voice sounded bored; "He slides his fingers in and swirls, blah blah blah, erection digging into my hip, yadda yadda, gotta remember to pick up milk at the store tomorrow..."



The tiresomely redundant writing would probably be a little easier to deal with if not for the fact that the majority of it is used to express the thoughts of what is unquestionably the dumbest character in the history of literature. Ana is a mental midget. This is not about her choices, it's about her inability to comprehend even the simplest of concepts. I think my favorite demonstration was during a charity auction Christian's parents were hosting. One of Christian's "ex-subs" (that's ex-submissive for those who aren't in the know *wink wink*) is wandering around, apparently armed and gunning for Ana. Or Christian. We never really know for sure, but anyway, because of this threat, Christian has hired more security. Taylor, Christian's chief bodyguard, now has three guys under his command, and all four of them are cruising the party, keeping an eye out for Ms. Small, Dark, and Nutsy. After watching a fireworks display (during which Ana was awed like a fucking four-year-old), I was treated to this exchange:

Christian: "Stay with me a moment. Taylor wants us to wait while the crowd disperses."
Ana: (thinks) Oh.
Christian: "I think that fireworks display probably aged him a hundred years."
Ana: "Doesn't he like fireworks?"



That's not even the best part, though. The best part is Christian's reaction:

"Christian gazes down at me fondly and shakes his head but doesn't elaborate."



I had a really hard time not imagining what went through Christian's mind. You know what I'm talking about. "Oh, darling, it's a good thing you're hot. Otherwise I'd take you up in Charlie Tango right now and push you out somewhere over the Space Needle."

There were times, of course, when the idiocy wasn't restricted to Ana and her vacuous noggin. At one point, Christian and Ana are discussing his crazy ex-sub, Leila, and Ana can tell Christian is holding something back, so she snaps at Christian to tell her what's going on.

"She managed to obtain a concealed weapons permit yesterday."



Really? I know E.L. James is a Brit, and yeah, maybe she views this as the United States of Barbarity, but you can't just wander into a fucking gun store and ask for a goddamn CPL. In fact, in Washington state, it can take up to 60 days for an out-of-state resident to receive theirs, and that's after the background check. The stupid doesn't end there, though.

"Oh shit. I gaze at him, blinking, and feel the blood draining from my face as I absorb this news. I may faint. Suppose she wants to kill him? No. “That means she can just buy a gun,” I whisper."

Well, sure, if she wants to be all obvious about it. I kinda figured she'd go the subtle route and get herself a bunny.



It was during moments like that when I wished I knew Ana in real life, simply for of the amount of fun that could be had fucking with her.

"Ana, you don't understand. It's so much worse than that. A concealed weapons permit means she can buy a concealed weapon. Concealed weapons are....invisible."



Did I mention Ana's dumb? Well, guess what? She also has the emotional maturity of a fruit fly. It's worse than hanging out with a love-sick 14-year-old. Why? Because it's hanging out with a love-sick 21-year-old with the emotional maturity of a fruit fly. I thought I made this clear. You know who else made it clear? E.L. James. I was beaten over the head over and over and over again with Ana's self-doubt and insecurities. She's so unsure of herself, in fact, that she keeps asking the reader questions; "What is he trying to tell me?" "What does he/she mean?" "What is going on?" "What should I do?" "Where is our relationship going?" "What was that about?" "Where are we going?" "What is he planning?" "What is he gonna do?" "How does he know?"

Hey, Ana! Guess what?!



When she's not whining, crying, giggling, getting railed, or giving herself a migraine trying to think, she's going on and on in these relentless inner diatribes about how hot/sexy/adorable/god-like/beautiful Christian is, and joy is erupting inside her every time she realizes she's with him, and she gets a warm feeling whenever she thinks about how much she lurves him, and on and on and ooooon. Her inner goddess (ridiculous metaphor for her vagina) is still annoyingly present, and her subconscious has gotten even bitchier (just how Ana knows what's going on in her subconscious has yet to be determined). One of the best parts about her inner dialogue is that she's always telling us what's going on after we've had the scene described to us. And several times she reacts with astounded shock that someone *gasp* changed the subject. (No. I am not fucking kidding.)

Ana is that special friend you end up wanting to choke to death every time you talk to her, but you don't have the ambition to tell her to go fuck herself with a rake, so you avoid her when you can, and when you can't, you sit around listening to her inane babbling like...



Her insecurity reaches monumental, mind-blowing levels, however, when she finds Leila (remember her?) in her apartment. Lord Fisterbottom rushes in to save the day, of course, but then Ana watches him go all "Dom" on Leila to defuse the situation. Then he ends up at Leila's side, stroking her hair, trying to chillaxe the crazy broad, and Ana starts getting jealous! Right there, I'm not kidding! She doesn't want to leave the apartment because she's afraid of what will happen between Christian and Loony Tunes! Taylor has to forcibly remove Ana from her apartment, and the whole time we're treated to Ana's bullshit thoughts regarding whether or not Christian is going to leave her for Leila.



Fucked up, right? There's a time and a place for insecurity; that ain't it.

Oh, then she finds out Christian gave Leila a bath. What that has to do with the story, I have no idea.

So are you getting the gist? Lots and lots of melodrama. Well, we haven't gotten to Christian's melodrama yet, so prepare yourselves. He starts freaking out on Ana, telling her she can't leave, she means everything to him, he needs her, blah blah blah, and then....then he says, "I'm a sadist, Ana. I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore - my birth mother."














Say what? Normal reaction to this is revulsion and horror. To give her some credit, Ana is a little horrified. Does she leave?

"Then it hit me like a wrecking ball. If he's a sadist, he really needs all that whipping and caning shit. Oh fuck. I put my head in my hands. "So it's true," I whisper, glancing up at him, "I can't give you what you need." This is it - this really does mean we are incompatible."

Oh, for fuck's sake.



That is not the proper response to your boyfriend's revelation that he likes to abuse and sex you because you look like his mom! This is:



*Sigh*

There's also a helicopter crash, a marriage proposal, a showdown with an ephebophile, and an attempted rape. Why? Because why the fuck not?

I don't even know where to go from here. This book is ridiculous. Even more so than the first since it's trying to sell the reader on this impossible scenario. You cannot change an abusive man, and it is dangerous folly to try. Quit romanticizing it. Fantasy is one thing, impossible delusions are quite another.

I suppose I'll close with one of my favorite lines from the mind of the magnificently inept Miss Steele:

"Raiding the fridge once more, I gather potatoes, ham, and - Yes! - peas from the freezer."

Yes!


Peas!!!


Word Count:
"Oh my" - 47
"Crap" - 36
"Jeez" - 84
"Holy (shit/fuck/crap/hell/cow/moses)" - 124
"Whoa" - 30
"Gasp" - 44
"Gasps" - 17
"Sharp Intake of Breath" - 5
"Murmur" - 91
"Murmurs" - 194
"Whisper" - 140
"Whispers" - 113
"Mutter" - 71
"Mutters" - 48
"Fifty" - 95
"Lip" - 47
"Inner goddess" - 58
"Subconscious" - 59

And I'm out.



Click here to read my review of Fifty Shades of Grey
Click here to read my review of Fifty Shades Freed ...more

1

Mar 13, 2013

FIFTY BETTER USES FOR FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
PART ONE: #1-15
PART 2: #16-34

Did you know that used bookstores and charity shops are drowning in used copies of FSoG?! Our local ReStore actually put out a news bulletin telling people they were no longer accepting them.

HARHARHARHAR.

I'm guessing people are trying to dump them off on the needy because they have buyer's remorse (ME, I HAVE THIS), they don't want people to see these books sitting on their bookshelves (ME, I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO SEE THESE FIFTY BETTER USES FOR FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
PART ONE: #1-15
PART 2: #16-34

Did you know that used bookstores and charity shops are drowning in used copies of FSoG?! Our local ReStore actually put out a news bulletin telling people they were no longer accepting them.

HARHARHARHAR.

I'm guessing people are trying to dump them off on the needy because they have buyer's remorse (ME, I HAVE THIS), they don't want people to see these books sitting on their bookshelves (ME, I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO SEE THESE BOOKS SITTING ON MY BOOKSHELVES), or they want to pass the glory of this series around (NOT ME. NOT ME AT ALL. I ACTUALLY JUST GAGGED WHEN I TYPED GLORY).

So, if you, like me, like TOO DAMN MANY of us, find yourself with a set of the FSoG trilogy you no longer want, I've compiled a helpful list of ways you can re-use, re-purpose or recycle them!

1. STRESS RELIEF
Had a hard day at work? Did someone cut you off in traffic? Kid won't stop crying? Dog shit on the floor? Don't take it out on your loved ones! Take it out on these books!



No really, go to town, girl. Because you're going to need to rip every damn page out if you have any hope of completing all the tasks on this list. TRUST ME.

2. TOILET PAPER (HAHA, GET IT?! NUMBER TWO?!)

Because there's nothing that'll make a shitty book shittier than more shit.



3. DROP CLOTH FOR CRAFTING PROJECTS



4. FUNKY PAPER EARRINGS

Step One: Tear out two pages from any of the FSoG books. Use your teeth if you're suffering from any lingering rage.



Step Two: Draw some funky shapes on the top sheet.



Step Three: Cut. Them. Out.



Step Four: Select some bold colors and paint those suckers.





Step Five: Line them up. Poke a hole. Slip an earring through. AND ROCK THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS.





They fit right in!



5. THE CLASSIC SPIT BALL



6. TRAUMATIZE YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER BY ASKING THEM TO READ A PASSAGE OR TWO





7. PROVIDE TRACTION TO YOUR VEHICLE DURING THE WINTER FROM HELL.

During an ice storm…



…stack the pages on the pavement behind your vehicle to keep the wheels from slipping.



8. LINE YOUR VEGETABLE DRAWER TO BLOCK SLIME





9. HELP INSULATE YOUR WINDOWS WHEN IT'S COLD AS BALLS







10. PROTECT GLASS DURING A MOVE





11. PAPER BUTTERFLIES

Step One: Paint a bunch of pages white.





Step Two: Once they're dry, fold them in half and draw half a butterfly, starting at the crease.



Step Three: Cut it out and admire zee pretteh.



12. PAPER FLOWERS

Step One: Take some of those leftover white pages and cut them in half.



Step Two: Fold them once, twice, three times.



Step Three: Cut a curve.



Step Four: Unfold. Snip. Glue.









Step Five: ADMIRE ZEE PRETTEH

13. DRESS UP A PLAIN WREATH

Step One: Select a plain wreath (duh).

Step Two: Find those pretteh butterflies and flowers you just made and glue those adorable little paper beauties onto that ugly ass wreath.



14. WRAP FRUIT TO SPEED RIPENING

Okay, so it's winter, and the tomatoes in my fridge didn't come from my garden. Let's just pretend they did, and that they're still green. WANNA KNOW HOW TO SPEED THEIR RIPENING?! It's easy, wrap them in shoddily written sex scenes.





15. PAPER HATS FOR CATS

Step One: Fold.



Step Two: Fold more.



Step Three: GET THOSE KITTEHS!





Our one female cat was less impressed (shocker).






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2

Apr 04, 2012

2 miserable stars
Ok. There's a dangerous theme in this book that I want to speak out about: Ladies, despite what EL James says, you will not change your man's personality or fix his age-old sexual perversions in 5 weeks.

I thought part one of Fifty Shades series was too tense and upsetting, but be careful what you wish for... In this follow-up to the infamous BDSM themed 1st novel, Christian shifts his needs and personality 180* and it was yawn-worthy at best. This story was much less dramatic 2 miserable stars
Ok. There's a dangerous theme in this book that I want to speak out about: Ladies, despite what EL James says, you will not change your man's personality or fix his age-old sexual perversions in 5 weeks.

I thought part one of Fifty Shades series was too tense and upsetting, but be careful what you wish for... In this follow-up to the infamous BDSM themed 1st novel, Christian shifts his needs and personality 180* and it was yawn-worthy at best. This story was much less dramatic for me than part one, although there was a suspense element added in with the crazy ex girlfriends on the loose. The sex was less surprising and dramatic as well. (Even Ana got bored and wanted to play in the Red Room of Pain, but he wasn't nearly as inventive as he was in part one. You see, he is a hearts and flowers guy now). Don't get me wrong--- there was lots of sex, just not worth reading. Novelty got old! This book was not as tense, but it wasn't as interesting either. And when Christian F*'s up in this book, he does unforgivable things that Ana doesn't really deal with. I did enjoy the scenes in the ending where the sh't hits the fan.

I just don't have much to say about this book. I'm not one of those who has fallen for Christian. His lack of empathy is a big deal psychologically. He is almost a sociapath. Narcissism, lack of empathy, cruelty to animals or people (Dom behavior). Check out the antisocial/sociopath definition. He even Dom'ed like a serial killer: (view spoiler)[ tying up and beating women who looked like his mother?! (hide spoiler)]

I don't particularly recommend this book. You are better off not knowing the ridiculous 50 shades joke!
I'll probably read the next one. Finish what I started. But I'll do it begrudgingly.

****update*** I did not read the last book. I tried, but couldn't stand another word of E.L. James' writing. The only positive thing I can say about this series is that James has proven the age-old adage that should give hope to aspiring authors: if she can do it, anyone can!
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5

Nov 01, 2011

I really wish I could manually add a 6th star to Goodreads for this book. I never would have believed it was possible, but Fifty Shades Darker is even better than Fifty Shades of Grey. Hard to believe, but true. Reading this book reminded me of a quote that I love by Alan Cohen, “Scared and sacred are spelled with the same letters. Awful proceeds from the same root word as awesome. Terrify and terrific. Every negative experience holds the seed of transformation.” Reading Fifty Shades Darker is
I really wish I could manually add a 6th star to Goodreads for this book. I never would have believed it was possible, but Fifty Shades Darker is even better than Fifty Shades of Grey. Hard to believe, but true. Reading this book reminded me of a quote that I love by Alan Cohen, “Scared and sacred are spelled with the same letters. Awful proceeds from the same root word as awesome. Terrify and terrific. Every negative experience holds the seed of transformation.” Reading Fifty Shades Darker is like witnessing metamorphosis in action.

What I love the most about this book is the way the events and characters change and develop. I love that Christian Grey transforms from utterly immovable to flexible. Every negative emotion he feels eventually becomes something positive, or at least something he can learn and grow from. He learns the delicate balance between give and take. He learns to open his heart and to accept love—and he learns to give it as well. Everything cold becomes warm, and everything hot—well that’s about the only thing that stays the same, still hot.

Ana and Christian are so contradictory and conflicting, and yet complement each other so well. Each trial, every obstacle, every hardship the two experiences are overcome and ultimately strengthen the relationship. This is truly one of the most amazing love stories I’ve read.

I would like to add one more thing regarding a popular misconception about this book. I’ve read a lot of comments from readers saying it is too far out of their comfort zone because of the BDSM elements. I would like to address this because I don’t think readers should shy away from it for that reason. EL James has a way of writing that brings out the heat in a love scene (I literally get butterflies sometimes while reading), but in my opinion she does it in a very tasteful way. I’ve read other BDSM novels and I think these books should really be classified as mild erotica, which contain some MILD elements of BDSM.

This story has a well defined plot with well developed, in depth characters. The romance is both sweet (I love the emails between the characters) and steamy, and to me the sex scenes do not feel gratuitous. It really is just an amazing and beautiful love story, and I think the BDSM elements are an integral element the plot in this novel.





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0

Nov 24, 2012

The missus bought a Paperback
...down Tesco, Saturday,
I had a look inside her bag;
.......T'was "fifty shades of grey".

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…..

In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
..... She's eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and The missus bought a Paperback
...down Tesco, Saturday,
I had a look inside her bag;
.......T'was "fifty shades of grey".

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…..

In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
..... She's eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
.....I am the dominator !!

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!

Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of Grey.

(by John Summers, Mumbles, S Wales) ...more

4

Feb 13, 2015

HUGE improvement compared to Fifty Shades of Grey! Still not AMAZING but not bad at all, I honestly enjoyed reading Fifty Shades Darker and I'm looking forward to read Fifty Shades Freed!

5

Jul 25, 2012

Fifty Shades Darker is the second (and my favorite) installment of the Fifty shades trilogy. I love seeing Christian start to come into his own in this book. His issues come to light, and he starts dealing with them.



Christian Grey... one of my original book boyfriends. Not only is he a damaged man (my favorite) but he is sexy, kinky, bossy and romantic.



I know this isn't a lengthy review- but this book doesn't need one. I've read this series quite a few times and each time, I love it more

Fifty Shades Darker is the second (and my favorite) installment of the Fifty shades trilogy. I love seeing Christian start to come into his own in this book. His issues come to light, and he starts dealing with them.



Christian Grey... one of my original book boyfriends. Not only is he a damaged man (my favorite) but he is sexy, kinky, bossy and romantic.



I know this isn't a lengthy review- but this book doesn't need one. I've read this series quite a few times and each time, I love it more and more! This time I listened to the audio book and I loved it! <3

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1

Jan 14, 2012

Warning: Spoilers abound!!

Actual rating: 1.5 stars

Honestly, I didn’t read this whole thing; I skimmed most of it and I still managed to get the gist of it. At least I saved myself the torture of reading about Ana’s constant inner monologue. I have to say that my review of the first book still largely stands.

It’s ironic how someone with a name like Steele can’t stand her ground. At the end of the first book, Ana finally sees some sense and leaves Christian. Surprise surprise, that doesn’t last Warning: Spoilers abound!!

Actual rating: 1.5 stars

Honestly, I didn’t read this whole thing; I skimmed most of it and I still managed to get the gist of it. At least I saved myself the torture of reading about Ana’s constant inner monologue. I have to say that my review of the first book still largely stands.

It’s ironic how someone with a name like Steele can’t stand her ground. At the end of the first book, Ana finally sees some sense and leaves Christian. Surprise surprise, that doesn’t last long and she’s back for some more. Seriously, it’s only been 4 days, 4 FUCKING DAYS *facepalm*

My god, she was annoying in this one. I have to praise the fact that this book is consistent on one thing…how god damn confused and insecure she is. “I want you, Christian…I’m mad at you…I love you…I don’t know…will this be enough for him?…I can’t do all those things for you… take me back into the playroom.” Repeat process for 300+ pages and well, you have your next bestseller.

And that’s only a start – it doesn’t even include how insecure she gets every time Mrs Robinson or Christian’s ex-subs are mentioned. She wants answers and true to his style, he avoids it with sex. She defies him, he gets angry and they have sex. Sex.sex.sex.sex.sex.in the elevator-on a desk-on the piano-on a boat-on the pool table-on every imaginable surface.sex.sex.sex.sex.sex. No, just no!!! You can’t skip on content by filling it with clumsy and repetitive sex scenes.

Then there’s Christian *eye twitches*

Move over Edward Cullen, we have a new creepy stalker lover with some seriously fucked up control issues.



Sorry Edward, I’m afraid you’ll have to relinquish your crown.

Seriously, does Christian’s controlling abilities have no boundaries? He actually buys the company she works for, in effectively buying her career and becoming the boss of all her bosses. Really? Does he have that much trouble trusting Ana that he feels the need to keep tabs on her? He might as well lock her in a cage. Oh wait, I forgot how he would like to lock her up in his Red Room of Pain and tie her up to all sorts of things.

Whilst we’re on the subject, please don’t try to convince me he’s running a multi-billion corporation. He isn’t! He’s probably running the sleazy strip club down the road. If he were, he’d most likely have no time for his shenanigans and I highly doubt he’d really be interested in this boring and bitter person. But let’s pretend for a moment he is this ruthless multi-billionaire, are you honestly expecting me to buy his needy and vulnerable act? He’s an influential guy, who a lot of people respect. And yet, all I’ve seen him do is moan about Ana leaving him and constantly telling her “Don’t leave me, Ana”, “I need you so much”.

Also, do you really expect me to believe he sees the light in the space of 4 days that Ana left him and will change his ways? No, just no. It would have been more plausible if he had a mental breakdown.

I didn’t think Christian’s character could get any worse. Boy, was I wrong. We find out more about his past and wow things just get awkward from there. Who knew all his submissives look alike and the sick dude gets off on fucking women who look like his birth mother o_O.

This book really has got to be the one of the worst sequels ever. There was hardly any plot. The main story just revolves around the 2 characters with Christian being well, Christian and Ana asking him to back off and give her some room to breathe. Does he? Of course not, instead he invades more of her privacy. He actually does background checks on all his submissives including Ana and keeps records too. If that’s not disturbing, I don’t know what is.

There was potential for something interesting to happen when Leila, the ex-sub enters the scene with a gun but nothing actually happens unless you count giving her a bath interesting. Even the storyline with Elena (Mrs Robinson) was just glossed over. Come on, this woman seduced Christian when he was a boy and contributed to his fucked up nature. And to say that this was all in aid of helping him – well, that’s just bullshit and no excuse for such behaviour.

Then there’s the plane crash. It’s so out of the blue that you just can’t help but laugh. I honestly thought someone actually heard my prayers and killed off Christian in the hope I wouldn’t have to read anymore of this trash.

My 1.5 star rating for this book is simply on the grounds of how absurdly amusing I found it all. I probably laughed this of as I knew what I was getting myself into or it could have been the overdose of cold medication I took. Either way, I’m done and if my review deters others from reading it then I’ve done my bit to save humanity. This whole series is an absolute waste IMO. All I can think of is all those trees that are dying/died for this crap.

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3

Sep 04, 2011

Updated 8/3/19:
My tastes have seriously changed, and this gets no more than 3 Stars from me nearly eight years later.

*******


It never happens, but, during the time I was reading Fifty Shades Darker, I was doing some research online for something altogether unrelated, and I came across the following quote. For me, it captures the essence of Ana's love for Christian, and it honestly gave me chills when I read it and immediately thought of them. I also believe this is truly applicable for *every* Updated 8/3/19:
My tastes have seriously changed, and this gets no more than 3 Stars from me nearly eight years later.

*******


It never happens, but, during the time I was reading Fifty Shades Darker, I was doing some research online for something altogether unrelated, and I came across the following quote. For me, it captures the essence of Ana's love for Christian, and it honestly gave me chills when I read it and immediately thought of them. I also believe this is truly applicable for *every* relationship.

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly---Sam Keen, Author

What to say, what to say. This series is, in some ways, not at all what I expected, and, in other ways, is even better than expected. This second installment of Christian and Ana's journey has all of the emotion and depth that I felt was missing somewhat from the first book. There is remarkable and substantial character growth in this follow-up, especially for Christian.

What is there to say about Christian? Are there words? I found him interesting and compelling in the first book. In Fifty Shades Darker? I am fairly certain I experienced every possible emotion toward and for him, and, in the end, I was as hopelessly in love with him as Ana. Violated by people who had a responsibility, as parent and authority figure, to protect and nurture him, he hid a truly damaged little boy behind a wall of BDSM. He made a legitimate lifestyle choice for all the wrong reasons. And, then, along came Ana.

It is one of those beautiful, emotional miracles, that the love of, and for, a particular individual can be the catalyst for rebirth...corny as that may sound. Ana held her ground, held on to herself, in the face of an absolutely overwhelming personality and an intense relationship fraught with extreme highs and lows. She proved herself to be the true strength of their relationship. At the same time, she managed to slowly and meticulously peel back the layers and find that badly damaged little boy again. Ana was exposed to *all* of Christian's imperfections. She was confronted with all the hard stuff, all the baggage. She understood that there was still a lot of work ahead of them, ahead of him. But, she didn't let go. She didn't give up. She truly saw the imperfect Christian perfectly. And that little boy finally, finally, allowed himself to trust and love, and begin to feel worthy of love as well.

Their love story, which, truly, fully unfolds in this second installment is deep and powerful, frightening and joyful, functional and dysfunctional, sexy and innocent. Characters like these, a story like this, is why we read.

As a final thought, it was very interesting to me to read what seemed almost a deconstruction of Christian's BDSM lifestyle. In a way, it was a refreshing change of pace. Bravo to the author! A story with something of a unique angle is difficult to find in this day and age. Fifty Shades Darker is most definitely a 5-star read! ...more

5

Feb 11, 2015

4.5 "He's my happily ever after," stars

First read Feb. 14, 2015
Reread Sept. 23, 2015
Re-reread lol June 1, 2017

Spoilers



"I've missed you so much, Anastasia," he breathes.


Fifty Shades Darker is the second book in the Fifty Shades Trilogy. Another great book by E.L. James. I loved this book even more than the first!!


"I don't want to fight with you, Anastasia. I want you back, and I want you healthy,"


This book picks up a week after Ana left Christian because she couldn't handle his lifestyle . 4.5 "He's my happily ever after," stars

First read Feb. 14, 2015
Reread Sept. 23, 2015
Re-reread lol June 1, 2017

Spoilers



"I've missed you so much, Anastasia," he breathes.


Fifty Shades Darker is the second book in the Fifty Shades Trilogy. Another great book by E.L. James. I loved this book even more than the first!!


"I don't want to fight with you, Anastasia. I want you back, and I want you healthy,"


This book picks up a week after Ana left Christian because she couldn't handle his lifestyle . They are both miserable and miss each other. Christian tells her he wants her back anyway he can have her and that he wants a normal relationship with no rules, no dominating her , and No punishments! Ana gives him another chance and this book is about them learning the middle ground.


"I want you that relaxed with me," he whispers. All trace of humor has gone. Deep inside me that joy stirs again. But how can this be? We have issues. "You have to stop intimidating me if you want that," I snap.



"Appearances can be deceptive," he says quietly. "I'm anything but fine. I feel like the sun has set and not risen for five days, Ana. I'm in perpetual night here." I'm winded by his admission. Oh my, like me. "You said you'd never leave, yet the going gets tough and you're out the door." "When did I say I'd never leave?" "In your sleep. It was the most comforting thing I'd heard in so long, Anastasia. It made me relax."





This book has so much. It was funny cute, very romantic, and heart wrenching emotional. The middle road is a bumpy one and Ana and Christian really go through some ups and downs, but they both grow so much in this book. It was very moving!


"You never cease to amaze me, Anastasia. After a day like today - or yesterday, rather - you're not whining or running off into the hills screaming. I am in awe of you. You're very strong." "You're a very good reason to stay," I murmur. "I told you, Christian, I'm not going anywhere, no matter what you've done. You know how I feel about you."




Christian:




When Ana left, Christian had a big wake up call. Reevaluating his life he knows he needs to change to get Ana back. Christian really grows and heals so much in this book , and it was a beautiful thing to read. He opens himself up to Ana and starts fighting his demons. He was so controlling in the last book you could feel how hard it was for him to let go and start to compromise. And when he let Ana touch him . Swoon!

"Those photos the boy took... I can see how he sees you. You look so untroubled and beautiful, not that you're not beautiful now, but here you sit. I see your pain. It's hard knowing that I'm the one who has made you feel this way. "But I'm a selfish man. I've wanted you since you fell into my office. You are exquisite, honest, warm, strong, witty, beguilingly innocent; the list is endless. I am in awe of you. I want you, and the thought of anyone else having you is like a knife twisting in my dark soul."



"I've never felt the way I felt when you left, Anastasia. I would move heaven and earth to avoid feeling like that again."



"You make me forget everything. You are the best therapy,"



"I thought - " He stops. "This is me, Ana. All of me... and I'm all yours. What do I have to do to make you realize that? To make you see that I want you any way I can get you. That I love you." "I love you, too, Christian, and to see you like this is..." I choke and my tears start afresh. "I thought I'd broken you." "Broken? Me? Oh no, Ana. Just the opposite." He reaches out and takes my hand. "You're my lifeline,"


Ana:




Ana really grew in this book too. She starts to really tell Christian what she is feeling . Starts to stick up for herself more. She is very strong for Christian slowly getting him to open up to her and showing him that he is loved and worth love. Understanding of his past, she helps him heal a little at a time. She was worried that she wouldn't be enough to keep Christian happy, but by the end of the book she starts to realize that she is just what he needs. That they are what each other needs!!!!


"It's very confusing being with you. You don't want me to defy you, but then you like my 'smart mouth.' You want obedience, except when you don't, so you can punish me. I just don't know which way is up when I'm with you."



"You really have to let me fight my own battles. You can't constantly second-guess me and try to protect me. It's stifling, Christian. I'll never flourish with your incessant interference. I need some freedom. I wouldn't dream of meddling in your affairs."



"You know how jealous I am," he whispers. "You have no reason to be jealous, Christian. You own me body and soul."





Ana and Christian in this book really build a beautiful and trusting relationship. Each giving a little and trying hard to make the other happy. The romance in this book was so sweet. I didn't care for the sex in the first book, but in this book WOW! So much better . Still Kinky, but not degrading or humiliating , Very hot!!!!


"I'm really not hungry right now... for food." "What are you hungry for, Miss Steele?" "I think you know, Mr. Grey." He leans down, and again I think he's going to kiss me, but he doesn't. "Do you want me to kiss you, Anastasia?" he whispers softly in my ear. "Yes," I breathe. "Where?" "Everywhere."


"Don't cry, Ana, please," he murmurs against my mouth. "It was long ago. I am aching for you to touch me, but I just can't bear it. It's too much. Please, please don't cry." "I want to touch you, too. More than you'll ever know. To see you like this... so hurt and afraid, Christian... it wounds me deeply. I love you so much." He runs his thumb across my bottom lip. "I know. I know," he whispers. "You're very easy to love. Don't you see that?" "No, baby, I don't." "You are. And I do and so does your family. So do Elena and Leila - they have a strange way of showing it - but they do. You are worthy." "Stop." He puts his finger over my lips and shakes his head, an agonized expression on his face. "I can't hear this. I'm nothing, Anastasia. I'm a husk of a man. I don't have a heart." "Yes, you do. And I want it, all of it. You're a good man, Christian, a really good man."



One of the things I didn't care for was the constant “inner goddess” crap it was driving me batty. I thought this book was a great read and I can't wait to start the next one. I will leave you with my favorite part of the book , when I read it I was yelling " Yea Bitch in yo face!"





My Favorite moment in the book:

"I've never seen him so happy, and it's obvious that you have feelings for him, too." A brief smile flits across her lips. "That's great, and I wish you both the best of everything. But what I wanted to say is if you hurt him again, I will find you, lady, and it won't be pleasant when I do." She stares at me, ice-cold blue eyes boring into my skull, trying to get under my mask. Her threat is so astonishing, so off the wall that an involuntary, disbelieving giggle escapes me. Of all the things she could say to me, this is the least expected. "You think this is funny, Anastasia?" she splutters in dismay. "You didn't see him last Saturday." My face falls and darkens. The thought of Christian unhappy is not a palatable one, and last Saturday I left him. He must have gone to her. The idea makes me queasy. Why am I sitting here listening to this shit from her of all people? I slowly rise, gazing at her intently. "I'm laughing at your audacity, Mrs. Lincoln. Christian and I have nothing to do with you. And if I do leave him and you come looking for me, I'll be waiting - don't doubt it. And maybe I'll give you a taste of your own medicine on behalf of the fifteen-year-old child you molested and probably fucked-up even more than he already was." Her mouth falls open. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have better things to do than waste my time with you."





http://jessicasoverthetopbookobsessio... ...more

5

Aug 17, 2011

Read my review on Fiction Vixen Book Reviews. (It is a little different than below.)
Read my interview with E.L. James and enter the Fiction Vixen Book Reviews giveaway to win a copy of this book!
4.5 stars
I loved it. It was a different experience than the first one; the pace is much slower, even though there are a lot of outside forces and complications when there weren't in the previous one. The chemistry is as sizzling as ever though (whew! *fan please!*), the romance is sweeter, and Read my review on Fiction Vixen Book Reviews. (It is a little different than below.)
Read my interview with E.L. James and enter the Fiction Vixen Book Reviews giveaway to win a copy of this book!
4.5 stars
I loved it. It was a different experience than the first one; the pace is much slower, even though there are a lot of outside forces and complications when there weren't in the previous one. The chemistry is as sizzling as ever though (whew! *fan please!*), the romance is sweeter, and there is lovely humor. Biggest criticism: Ana got on my nerves as she did not in the previous book.

The romance. Yes, Fifty can actually be quite romantic, ladies! The relationship between Ana and Christian is as hot and sweet—actually, much sweeter—as ever. We get to see the soft, vulnerable, and romantic side of Christian, which I found absolutely lovely (shocker). The chemistry was very much still there though. *sizzle* There's one seen in the library on the billiard table ... need I say more? (Thanks for reminding me, Anna!) I would play pool with Fifty any day. Oh. My. Lord! *desperately fans self* I would also go with him to the following places ... hmm, let's see: elevator, catamaran, piano, another elevator, desk in the home office, shower, bathtub, apartment entryway, Red Room, family boathouse, childhood bedroom, regular bed (of course)—and would request a repeat of the first elevator, billiard table, piano, and childhood bedroom. *wink* *wink*

Christian Grey, a.k.a. Fifty Shades, a.k.a. One of the Best "Romance" Heroes Ever. We see much more of Christian's boyishness and sweet side that we started to see at the end of the last book. He also has this wonderfully adorable new "shy" smile that he starts to show more and more to Ana as he begins to believe in her love for him. We really start to see his needier side, as well as his utter self-abhorrence and profound (if ignored) desire for unconditional love. Never became unsexy though, which I feel like it could easily have become, so James pulled that off well.

I did start to question his beyond-anything desire for and dependence on Ana. That may have something to do with the fact that she was annoying me in the first half of the book of course (see below). His need, love, and—let's be honest—downright obsession with her is such that the reader has to love Ana as well in order to accept it as authentic.

We find out the Thing that he was convinced in part 1 would send her running and ... I don't know. Didn't find it as shocking as Ana did and as I think we were supposed to. We find out why he did what he did / does what he does / needs what he needs and how that has been changed by Ana. I'm not sure how people will feel about the change. Christian still has his rough side; he's still a dominant personality; he's still as controlling as unbelievably-ever.

Some criticisms. A lot of things that some of my GR friends had mentioned annoyed them in the first one and that I hadn't noticed or hadn't bothered me now did in this one. Not everything, but the inner goddess is one example.

The main one was Ana. I really loved Ana in Part 1 and I know some people didn't, but I did and I'm sticking to it. Here, I had problems with her in the first half or so. Her fan club continued to grow, which doesn't fit with the type of girl she's set up to be. More importantly, she was petulant and immature, in some ways just as mercurial and moody as Fifty, but while he's sexy and mysterious in his personality disorder, she was annoying. Ana shaped up in the second half, being much more consistent and mature, and by the end she was stepping up to the plate and back in my good graces.

Note on Fifty Shade series and book endings. No spoilers! These cannot and should not be read on their own. It's basically one long story broken up into three parts, so start with the first Fifty Shades book, Fifty Shades of Grey . For those who hated the "cliffhanger" ending of part 1, this is part 2, so again not everything is resolved, however we are not left with a cliffhanger regarding Ana and Christian's relationship, so I think most will find it completely acceptable (i.e. bearable).

The progression of their relationship and where we're going next. Part 1 was all about the newness of their connection. That part of the story has all of the excitement of a new crush: it's fun, dangerous, makes you giddy, and holy shit was the tension unbelievable! Here, Ana and Christian seemed to have found their stride and really started to work on their issues. At the beginning, it seemed a little too convenient for me and I wasn't sure I fully accepted what Christian was saying and offering. However it wasn't as much of a 180 as I thought it would be, so by the end I was completely convinced and found the change believable.

I predict that Part 3 will be more about the settling in of their relationship: the smaller details and the really getting comfortable with one another. I'm looking forward to reading it, because hey: how could I not want to read another book with Fifty Shades in it? There are going to be some evil doers who come back to add some excitement to the mix and I am interested in seeing how it all plays out ...

(More Fifty fandom.) ... But yeah, I'll mostly be back for Fifty.

Okay, fiiiiine. Truth: I'll solely be back for Fifty.

What a naughty, naughty boy he is. Ha! ;-) God, what woman could resist?! Honestly, for any romance reader out there who loves alpha heroes who are controlling, domineering, obsessive, possessive, intense, tortured, mysterious, sexy, mercurial with a surprising but oh-so-sigh-worthy funny, playful, ironic, generous, caring, romantic, and sweet side, then look no further (and to those romance readers: we are soooo twisted)! Fifty Shades is your man.

Except for he's not. Because he's mine.

If he were real. And yes, I know he's not.

... We could be mistaken though. Maybe James writes in one of those books where whatever you write comes true, and there actually is a Christian Grey walking around.

*stunned by the very idea*

Wow.

If there is, I call dibs!!!!

(*though also in full possession of my sanity and sadly aware it's impossible, don't worry*)

(Written September 15, 2011)
(Shortened September 16, 2011 because I took pity on everyone who reads this. And yes, the above is the shortened version—why does everyone wonder that?)


My review for Fifty Shades of Grey

Post Script on May 8, 2012
This series has exploded since I first read it and it seems to be one that is either loved or hated. I'm actually very thankful that I read it before any of my GR friends or anyone I knew, because I feel like if I read it now, after hearing all the hype, it would probably disappoint.

People have very strong reactions to Fifty Shades and just to put in my two cents: you read different books for different reasons. In my opinion!!! ...: Was this book a great piece of literature? No. Were these characters ones whom you could write grad school theses about? No. But you know what? I loved the romance, I loved the chemistry, and I enjoyed myself tremendously while reading it - it had me grinning ridiculously for hours. That's what I wanted from these books, and that's what I got, so for me, that was enough. ...more

1

Aug 27, 2012

WHY? Why did I read this? For some reason I had it on my Kindle for ages, but since reading the disaster that was Fifty Shades of Grey (book 1) I decided not to bother with the second one. Then I found myself suddenly left with nothing to read on my Kindle except this, so I went for it.

I just dislike everything about this book: the pathetic writing, the "plot" if you can call it that, Christian Grey (aka The Jackass), and Anastasia Steele (aka The Doormat). They shall henceforth be called as WHY? Why did I read this? For some reason I had it on my Kindle for ages, but since reading the disaster that was Fifty Shades of Grey (book 1) I decided not to bother with the second one. Then I found myself suddenly left with nothing to read on my Kindle except this, so I went for it.

I just dislike everything about this book: the pathetic writing, the "plot" if you can call it that, Christian Grey (aka The Jackass), and Anastasia Steele (aka The Doormat). They shall henceforth be called as such. The book is so poorly written, it reads like fanfiction. Oh yeah, that's exactly what it is.

The Jackass is a real piece of work. Not only is his character completely unbelievable (he earns $100,000 every hour, has a personal trainer and a body of a god but eats bacon, sauce bernaise and macaroni and cheese every day, is a CEO but put in about 2 hours of actual work every day that is interrupted every minute by writing emails to control and surveil The Doormat at work) but he's not at all attractive. Boo bloody hoo, you had a hard childhood, that's not a blanket excuse to be a controlling, manipulative, chauvinistic asshole 24/7. I just hate this guy, he made my skin crawl.

Now on to The Doormat. I hated her even more. What a pathetic excuse of a character. The utter definition of a washcloth, a Doormat, stuck in an abusive relationship to the T, making excuses along the way for The Jackass to continue to manipulate and control her every move. Oh, Jackass doesn't want to let me go to work today, nor let me drive my own car, not let me have healthy relationships with my dear friends who I have known for years - he must just love me! Actually, let me bend over backwards for him to accomodate his unhealthy controlling demands on me, because he's so good in bed. Oh and yes, if my employee came to work 15 minutes late, then spent the next hour sexting to her bf on work time instead of actually working, I'd fire her ass! No, that doesn't make me a mean boss, that means I'm part of the real world where people actually work when they get paid for it. At the end, the Doormat's best friend Kate find the completely effed-up "contract" between The Doormat and The Jackass and is rightly worried about her, but then goes on to actually apologize for interfering. GREAT MESSAGE, AUTHOR! I guess she ascribes to the "keep it quiet" school of practice when it comes to psychological domestic abuse.

I guess many readers read this solely for the sex scenes, because let's face it, this is porn. But my god, I have never read such boring and repetitive sex scenes in an erotic novel. For someone who is supposed to enjoy such kinky and amazing sex, every sex scene basically read the same! Let's just say, probably 80-90% of the sex is missionary, in bed. WOW, REVOLUTIONARY! I'm on the edge of my seat here!! I think this book is meant to appeal to desperate housewives or maybe virgins who probably think this is the height of sexual deviation. Oh fear not, they even have sex once - IN THE SHOWER! And allude to having sex in the car, but don't actually do it. Basically, the sex scenes are extremely un-spectacular and repetitive, yet The Doormat just can't seem to get enough of this boring sex and is constantly "wet" and ready for it. It just really turned me off, this image of a constantly aroused woman, who just is at the service of a very controlling and manipulative partner, who orgasms after about 3 minutes of boring or non-existant foreplay. It's just not sexy because it's 100% unrealistic, there was no part of me that could put myself in the shoes of The Doormat, which to me is an important element of any erotic novel. We want to be in her shoes, want to have this great lover - but in The Doormat's case, I wanted to just punch them both in the face.

I hated this book. I really did. Ugh! I also hate the fact that it is so popular, and that I read it. Again! Like they say, Fool me once - shame on you, fool me twice - shame on me. Just a horribly written book with an extremely negative portrayal of sexuality, womanhood, and relationships all around. ...more

5

Sep 27, 2011

I honestly do not have time to read right now. I'm super busy and sometimes the only time I sit down is on the toilet. Not a romantic place to read this gorgeous, romantic story, but I was very motivated. Following Grey and Ana was my favorite entertainment. I need to clarify whet I expect from a book. I expect to be transported to another world. I want to care what happens to the characters. I want to see good things happen and I want to fret if there are bad things happening.

This book gave me I honestly do not have time to read right now. I'm super busy and sometimes the only time I sit down is on the toilet. Not a romantic place to read this gorgeous, romantic story, but I was very motivated. Following Grey and Ana was my favorite entertainment. I need to clarify whet I expect from a book. I expect to be transported to another world. I want to care what happens to the characters. I want to see good things happen and I want to fret if there are bad things happening.

This book gave me all those things. In Fifty Shades Darker, I got to fall in love again. How amazing is that? A good book will delivery you right back to your own life's favorite moments. Ms. James takes excellent care of her readers' heart as you are engaged in her plot. Now this one ends with a delicious cliff hanger. I love when I get to read a complete series. With Grey and Ana? I would be totally chomping at the bit or slathering on my lollipop, or whatever the appropriate saying might be.

Read this story if you want a good time. It will give you everything you need as a reader though, I highly recommend this series. I'm purchasing the next book as soon as I am done. Trying to savor it because you only get to read these books once for the first time. ...more

1

Sep 18, 2011

My review of the first installment is applicable across this entire pathetic, thieving enterprise.


My Fifty Shades of Grey review.
My Fifty Shades Freed review.
My review of the Bundle. It includes some important points I didn't include in these reviews.

1

Jun 24, 2012

Wow, talk about Fifty Shades of bad writing. I'm surprised I made it through this one, but you gotta give it to EL James, even though it's horrendously written, it's darn addictive.

There's so many flaws in this book, which make it painful to read.

1. Ana acts like an overly 'innocent' teenager despite being an able career woman in her early 20's. She's flushing left right and centre at even a glance or smile towards her. When she's not flushing, she's going Oh my! at every suggestive comment Wow, talk about Fifty Shades of bad writing. I'm surprised I made it through this one, but you gotta give it to EL James, even though it's horrendously written, it's darn addictive.

There's so many flaws in this book, which make it painful to read.

1. Ana acts like an overly 'innocent' teenager despite being an able career woman in her early 20's. She's flushing left right and centre at even a glance or smile towards her. When she's not flushing, she's going Oh my! at every suggestive comment that comes her way. Considering the nature of the book, that's pretty much all she does. (view spoiler)[Not to mention her total ineptness when it came to her perverted boss. Can't you take a hint Ana? Fair enough she dealt with him, but not a moment too soon! (hide spoiler)]

2. Not to mention her downright stupidity. I just about cringed when she suddenly realised that having sex might make you pregnant!! No shit sherlock, where's she been all her life, hiding in a hole?! (view spoiler)[She also gives away $24,000 over to charity! What are you doing woman! (hide spoiler)]

3. The annoying inner goddess has been joined by Ana's subconscious, acting like the ego and id perched on her left shoulder. I have a feeling these references are supposed to be endearing, but really, they are just annoying.

4. Christian, oh Christian. You are so needy, possessive, and over the top controlling. And also super f-ed up. I think the appeal of that ran dry a long time ago, and it's just exasperated in this book. (view spoiler)[Not to mention the mummy issues. So all his life he's basically used a whole bunch of submissives and punished them like his mother. Ummm wow?! (hide spoiler)]

5. Did I mention the bad writing? It's just so simplistic and horrible to endure. It's like every few pages or so, the author looks up a thesaurus and adds in a big, smart-sounding word that has no context whatsoever.

6. In this book, Ana and Christian are disgustingly sappy. When they aren't having sex, they are declaring their love at every turn. It's sickening.

7. It's awfully repetitive. Having arguments over email, Christian getting overly needy and possessive, Ana being stupid, it's all so annoying.

I think I've had enough of Fifty Shades. I don't want to be a hater, and I didn't actually mind the first book that much, but I think the 2nd book just made things worse. I've heard the concluding book is even worse than this one, and I have better things to do with my life.

Check out my blog for the review on Fifty Shades of Grey. ...more

5

Aug 13, 2011

This copy was given to me by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
ARC, publish date September 15th, 2011
The Writer’s Coffee Shop Publishing House

After experiencing first hand just how bad it can get, Ana left enigmatic billionaire Christian Grey. His BDSM tastes were too dark for her to handle.
Why is she reconsidering now? Fifty proposes a tempting arrangement. He is prepared to try and give her what she desires most. More.
It isn’t an easy road for them, though. Ana must learn about This copy was given to me by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
ARC, publish date September 15th, 2011
The Writer’s Coffee Shop Publishing House

After experiencing first hand just how bad it can get, Ana left enigmatic billionaire Christian Grey. His BDSM tastes were too dark for her to handle.
Why is she reconsidering now? Fifty proposes a tempting arrangement. He is prepared to try and give her what she desires most. More.
It isn’t an easy road for them, though. Ana must learn about herself; the strength she carries within, while Fifty needs to face his demons. Forces from his past and present are conspiring against the two. Can they make their relationship work? Is ‘more’ enough for tortured Fifty Shades? A story of how love can conquer all.

Relief
The cliffhanger-ending of Fifty Shades of Grey had me in an uproar. It was such a relief to download the ARC of the second book in the Fifty Shades series to my Kindle. A feeling of peace flowed through me – until I read the prologue. Holy mother of god! Prepare yourselves my lovelies. Tough stuff that made me very emotional and I even shed a few tears.
On a brighter note: I was so happy to see Ana and Fifty back together, despite the hardships I knew they’d have to overcome.
Heartache
Throughout the first book I was wondering about Fifty’s past. What could’ve possibly happened that made him want to control every aspect of his, and Ana’s life. I was given a lot more insight reading Fifty Shades Darker. The title should give you a big hint. There were several moments that tore at my heartstrings. So much in fact, that I had to stop reading and take a deep breath. The glimpses into Fifty’s past combined with the information he offered Ana (a huge step) helped me understand him better. No one should have to live through what he had to endure. I can only say it again and again. Fifty is such a fascinating character. All his faults and issues drew me in... maybe even more so than before. There’s one specific moment when I almost couldn’t take it. No worries, though. Has something good happened to you before - something that made you cry happy tears? That’s what they were. HAPPY tears!
Progress
A very important aspect of the plot: progress. I was expecting it, but also wanted my same old Fifty back. The one I came to love! The author delivered on both accounts. Losing Ana led to a major shift in his outlook. Fifty realized how much this “maddening, maddening woman” meant to him. The decision to get her back went hand in hand with change. Change of his priorities, change of his wants, and change of his way of thinking. What intrigued me was that Fifty wasn’t capable of taking credit for his accomplishments. Even in the end, I wasn’t sure if he knew how far he had come. As for Ana, I wasn’t surprised that she doubted herself. From the very beginning she couldn’t say why such a man would be attracted to her. This feeling in the back of her mind was still there...nagging away. It took a toll on her. Ana feared that a normal relationship would never be enough for him. I suffered with and for the two of them. When Fifty finally put a name to his ‘more’ for Ana... that’s what I’d call perfection. He deserves another pat on the shoulder for trying to look at a past relationship...err...arrangement from Ana’s perspective. A certain psychologist will shed some light on things by the way. Great idea to have him as part of the book (not just by mention, but in person).
Humor
What made all the difference? Well, okay, not ALL the difference, but the difference between 4.5 and 5 stars. I got a few chuckles out of Fifty Shades of Grey. Fifty Shades Darker, however, was even funnier. What? Funny? Yep. In spite of all the drama (believe me there was lots) James made sure to give the reader some breathing room for giggles. I’m still not over the greatness that’s Ana’s and Fifty’s email exchange. Also, Fifty overshot the mark from time to time, but Ana didn’t put up with it any longer. She thought carefully about which battles to fight. It was a challenge for him to accept this. Then again, sometimes she let him have his way. I understood. I, too, was turned on by his demanding nature. Nothing wrong with that!
Did someone just say ‘turned on’? Oh, that was me *wiggleseyebrows*! Thankfully neither period sex nor the use of his toothbrush (by a certain someone else) was involved. That just now was a reference to Fifty Shades #1 by the way. The sex? Scorching, hot, satisfying, thrilling. Plenty of it, but not too much. The read had depths AND kink. An awesome combination.
Suspense
Another thing that set this read apart from its predecessor was the element of suspense. Just enough to give the reader an uneasy feeling. It was slowly building up and ended in a bit of a showdown. Fifty didn’t just face his past; his past was given a face – two faces that is. They represented the two sides of a coin. His BDSM lifestyle being the coin. From the submissive to the dominant to just Fifty. That was vague enough to not be a spoiler, right?!
With Ana gaining independence while working for a Publishing House, the door was opened to danger from an external source. The storyline for the third book in the series had to be set up. Good job I say! Enjoyed the read very much and can’t wait for the next one. Due in? Oh NO, I have no idea?!?!?! Soon, I hope. 5 stars to Fifty Shades Darker by E L James.

Beware of Spoilers!
A few of my favorite quotes for those of you who are interested:
° “I miss him. I really miss him… I love him. Simple.”
° “I feel like the sun has set and not risen for five days, Ana. I’m in perpetual night here.”
° “Do you want a regular vanilla relationship with no kinky fuckery at all?”
° “…you’re my boss now… - Technically, I’m your boss’s boss’s boss. – And technically, it’s gross moral turpitude; the fact that I’m fucking my boss’s boss’s boss.”
° “I’m not going to let you dazzle me with your sexpertise.”
° “You cannot begin to understand the depths of my depravity, Anastasia. And it’s not something I want to share…”
° “He takes me to these dark places, places I didn’t know existed, and together we fill them with blinding light.” ...more

5

Oct 01, 2011

6+ stars to each of the books in the trilogy!!

This is how I see Christian:



It pains me to no end that I don’t have proper reviews up for these books. These were one of the first sets of books I read when I first started reading series and were a HUGE part of what inspired me to start reading and blogging again but at the time that I read them, I still wasn’t writing real reviews. I fully plan on rereading someday soon (for the fourth time) and writing out full reviews for them. But, I mean, the 6+ stars to each of the books in the trilogy!!

This is how I see Christian:



It pains me to no end that I don’t have proper reviews up for these books. These were one of the first sets of books I read when I first started reading series and were a HUGE part of what inspired me to start reading and blogging again but at the time that I read them, I still wasn’t writing real reviews. I fully plan on rereading someday soon (for the fourth time) and writing out full reviews for them. But, I mean, the whole world loves them so really, that should tell you something about how amazing they are on the very odd chance that you haven’t read them yet.

But for now, I can’t say enough good about these books!! They just grab you and won’t let go – its been a long time since I literally couldn’t stop myself from HAVING to turn the page.

E.L James is just genius at depicting emotions, understanding relationships, and communicating what is going on in her characters’ minds. These books have made my heart burst and break, made me laugh and cry… It is definitely one of my favorite series ever. Hands down. The depth to which the characters are taken and described is beyond words.

A wonderful blend of HOT HOT HOT kinky fuckery and a deep emotional journey and love story… this is one of those series that will stay with you forever!!!

I HIGHLY, HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend these books. One of my absolute TOP favorite series. Hands down. ...more

5

Nov 08, 2012

*****FIVE++++ HEARTS & FLOWERS STARS*****
{BR with Dee, Mel, and Sharon}

Re-Read #4!!!


"This is me, Ana. All of me...and I'm all yours. What do I have to do to make you realize that? To make you see that I want you any way I can get you. That I love you."





I remember when I first read FSOG, I thought Christian was perfect. He was so very Sexy and Dominant. He was my perfect man. I didn't think he could get any better, and then I read this book. I think I fell hopelessly in love with him by *****FIVE++++ HEARTS & FLOWERS STARS*****
{BR with Dee, Mel, and Sharon}

Re-Read #4!!!


"This is me, Ana. All of me...and I'm all yours. What do I have to do to make you realize that? To make you see that I want you any way I can get you. That I love you."





I remember when I first read FSOG, I thought Christian was perfect. He was so very Sexy and Dominant. He was my perfect man. I didn't think he could get any better, and then I read this book. I think I fell hopelessly in love with him by the time I finished book two.



Christian had me swooning throughout this one. His world was turned on its axis once Ana walked away from him after that last session in the "red room of pain". When they are reunited he is making it clear that he can't live without Ana and will do whatever he has to in order to keep her. My heart was about to burst when he declared his love for Ana, and I was almost in tears when he finally let Ana touch him. These were monumental steps for this beautiful but damaged man to take.







Out of all three books, I think this is the one where Christian really shines. There is definitely an enormous amount of sex to be had and I think it actually worked in this one. We had the right amount of vanilla with a dash of some kinky fuckery. This is how Christian feels he can connect with Ana and believes that sex resolves all of their little arguments. And there were quite a few arguments!!



I forgot how annoying Ana could be. She definitely was not my favorite in book two, but I did sympathize with her over the Leila and Elena ordeals.



I still can't believe how much enjoyment I got out of reading this again for the fourth time. I'm just hoping that the movie will be half as good as the books are. ...more

5

Jun 02, 2012

Re-read in January 2015.
This was my sixth time reading this book. I wanted at least one last time before the movie is released next month.
This time I listened to the audio version and was not impressed. I actually found it annoying but I had waited 6 months on hold at the library for the audio so I was bound and determined to finish it. Only one more book to go before I'll get to see Mr. Grey on the big screen.


"Master is dark...Master is a dark man."



"He's my happily ever after."

Re-read this Re-read in January 2015.
This was my sixth time reading this book. I wanted at least one last time before the movie is released next month.
This time I listened to the audio version and was not impressed. I actually found it annoying but I had waited 6 months on hold at the library for the audio so I was bound and determined to finish it. Only one more book to go before I'll get to see Mr. Grey on the big screen.
✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

"Master is dark...Master is a dark man."



"He's my happily ever after."

Re-read this one for the fifth time. Still my favorite out of the trilogy

SERIES:

Cliffhangers. Continuing story. ...more

2

Jul 31, 2012

I'm moving this to my humor shelf in order to justify giving it a full 2 stars. And I really did laugh quite a bit while reading this, so I'm not just being snarky.

Our story begins where the first book left off. Poor Ana is an emotional train wreck after leaving the oh-so-wonderful Mr. McRedbottom.
Jeez...
Just cause a guy insists on controlling every aspect of your life, and maybe wants to beat you with a cane on the weekends, you're gonna leave? Don't be such a quitter, Ana!

Don't worry folks! I'm moving this to my humor shelf in order to justify giving it a full 2 stars. And I really did laugh quite a bit while reading this, so I'm not just being snarky.

Our story begins where the first book left off. Poor Ana is an emotional train wreck after leaving the oh-so-wonderful Mr. McRedbottom.
Jeez...
Just cause a guy insists on controlling every aspect of your life, and maybe wants to beat you with a cane on the weekends, you're gonna leave? Don't be such a quitter, Ana!

Don't worry folks! It all turns out ok, because within the first few chapters Ana apologizes for forgetting to use the safe word. I mean, after all, if a boyfriend went to town on my ass until I was blubbering, the first thing I'd do was apologize for leaving him. *snort* Maybe I'm just not understanding things correctly, but I've always felt that Hey! Cut that shit out! should be all I needed to say to remedy any uncomfortable problem that may arise in the bedroom.
But I'm obviously a freak.
Jeez...
How can Slappy ever trust you after something like that, Ana?

Cause that's what his reasoning was. Yep. He was upset with her. And she actually fell for that shit!

This brings us to my realization that Ana was not a merely naive young woman. No. Poor Ana was just stupid. In fact, as the book wore on, I began to think that she may be the stupidest heroine (I use that word lightly) ever written.
Her inner monologue revealed that her brain consisted of cotton candy and something called an inner goddess .
She repeated things other people said...to herself. If the real estate agent pointed out a beautiful meadow for horses, Ana would think, Horses!. There's also furniture. Furniture! Maybe spare rooms for a family? Kids!
Then Fifty Shades of Crazy would tell her she's beautiful, and her inner goddess would jump up and down in a thong.
I really wish I were kidding.

She was also disturbingly obsessed with Spanky's teeth and mouth. He continually smirks, gives lopsided boyish grins, and just generally dazzles her with his 1000 mega-watt smile throughout the entire book. However, if he is upset his perfect mouth is then set into a grim line.
Jeez...
Ana, let's face it, he's as crazy as a sprayed roach. Better get used to the scowling version of Captain Cane-Your-Ass.

I guess she was willing to put up the frowny-face because he was so skilled at making her nipples elongate. I don't... It was weird. Seems like every time they made lurve, his amazing fingers plucked, pinched, and pulled at her titties until they were...long? By the end of the book, I was laughing hysterically because I had this image of a chick with nipples that looked sharpened #2 pencils sticking out of her boobs. Er, I'm sure I misread the author's intent, but that's the picture that kept cropping up in my mind.

So what about Christian himself?
Here's what I think happened. I think the author went and lost her mind. Sure, she made his character a total bat-shit lunatic, but then she went and gave him every other unattainable quality she could think up.
He's an intelligent, yet young, bazillionaire.
He looks like a model, and all women swoon at his feet.
He plays the piano like Beethoven.
He pilots his own plane with a skill like no other.
He can sail his giant boat deftly through the water.
He sings like an angel.
He is an environmentalist.
His company is trying to cure world hunger...and give solar-powered technology to third world countries.
And, well, you already know about his awesome chompers.
Jeez...
Don't cha think it's a bit much?

I would personally like to know if Ana would still be enamored with him if he lived in a trailer park, and his Red Room of Pain consisted of an aluminum shed behind his mobile home.
Jeez...
I'm not sure I want you fisting me with all that dirt under your fingernails!

But, I did get quite a few laughs out of this book. Mostly the melodramatic parts about her realizing (over and over again) how veryveryveryvery dear and precious this man was to her. Bwahahahahaha! Idiot.

P.S.
In case you were wondering, Ana uses the word Jeez...a lot. ...more

1

Jun 13, 2012

Round two – here be spoilers.

I personally found Fifty Shades Darker a lot harder to get through. I read the first one in two days because it was entertaining in the fact that it was so, so very bad. This one is equally bad, but it was also incredibly cheesy, boring, and uneventful. If I had to choose between Fifty Shades and My Immortal, I’d pick the second one, over and over again.

The story begins three days after they’ve broken up. Ana, of course, is completely gutted, because she loves Round two – here be spoilers.

I personally found Fifty Shades Darker a lot harder to get through. I read the first one in two days because it was entertaining in the fact that it was so, so very bad. This one is equally bad, but it was also incredibly cheesy, boring, and uneventful. If I had to choose between Fifty Shades and My Immortal, I’d pick the second one, over and over again.

The story begins three days after they’ve broken up. Ana, of course, is completely gutted, because she loves Christian. How could she not – they’ve been together for a whole three weeks. She doesn’t eat for days. “[I am a] ravaged, war-torn land where nothing grows and the horizons are bleak.”



It’s not like she actually has to go without him because, even though she told him to stay away, he still sends her flowers and e-mails and asks to see her. Then again, we know that he’s never known the meaning of ‘no’.

After a week of endless agony, the two lovers meet up again. Christian’s first words are so perfectly characteristic: “When did you last eat?” He also scowls when she waves at her boss, and makes it perfectly clear that “everything she does is his concern”. He then blatantly ignores her protests and pulls her on his lap while they’re in a moving car. He also calls her “baby” and makes remarks such as “I like seeing you in this harness”, all while they’re still broken up.

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen.

We are immediately bombarded with an abundant amount of “Oh my”, “Holy cow”, and Icarus comparisons. This time around, we get them on several levels, like “oh fucking my” and “holy fucking cow”. You know, because variety is the spice of life.

We are also treated to another unhealthy dose of Christian’s jealousy:
“You’ve spoken to José – the man who, the last time I met him, was trying to push his tongue into your reluctant mouth while you were drunk and ill.”
Oh, you mean that time you kidnapped her, took off her clothes, and slept in the same bed as her? Yes, I remember.

And another dose of his controlling:
“Please, can we stay longer?”

“No. Go. Now. Say good-bye.”
And a little more, in case you haven’t had enough:
“So help me God, Anastasia, if you don’t eat, I will take you across my knee here in this restaurant, and it will have nothing to do with my sexual gratification. Eat!”
It pisses me off that Christian still think he has the right to act like a massive asshat. He gets violently angry whenever Ana so much as talks to another man. So when she actually hugs another guy, he feels the need to stalk up to them in a predatory way, claim his territory, and then get all possessive. “You. Are. Mine.” Remember, they’re technically still broken up, but he’s never been a boundaries kind of guy, has he? And Ana laps it up like the lap dog she is. It is sickening that this behaviour is viewed as romantic by millions of women. There is nothing romantic about an aggressive douche-canoe who might as well piss on you to claim you as his.

So after he decides how long they’re staying at José’s photo show, he also decides that they’re going to a restaurant, which restaurant they’re going to, and exactly what they’re going to eat. When Ana protests, he tells her to stop acting like a child.



Instead of rambling on forever, here’s another list of reasons why Christian Grey needs to be raped by a cactus:

* His controlling behaviour is so disconcerting. He buys the company Ana works for. Just because he can.

* He still doesn’t give a damn about what Ana thinks.
“If I leave and find another job, will you buy that company, too?”

“You’re not thinking of leaving, are you?”

“Possibly. I’m not sure you’ve given me a great deal of choice.”

“Yes, I will buy that company, too.”
* “Hmm, well, this is one way to ensure you eat – force-feed you. I could get used to this.”

* From the moment they’re back together, he buys her a car again.

* When she refuses the car, he deposits 24,000 dollars into her back account.
“How do you know my bank account number?”

“I know everything about you, Anastasia.”
Do I need to remind anyone that they’ve known each other for a month?


* “You are coming back to my apartment if I have to drag you there by your hair.” Wow. Just wow.

* When she still refuses to come back to his apartment, he picks her up and throws her over his shoulder, like a fucking child.

* He’s so clingy this time around. Because she had the brain to leave him once before, he’s constantly begging her not to leave him again. Ever. As if I needed another reason to find him repugnant.

* He has a fucking manila folder with all her information. He has her middle name, her birth certificate, her social security number, her employment records, yadda, yadda, NUTJOB.

* “It’s true that you are the only fucked-up, mercurial, control freak that I know.”

* How long will he want to do this without wanting to beat the crap out of me because I cross some arbitrary line?



Luckily, his sister Mia warns Ana:
“I hope Christian wins you, though... We don't want a brawl."

"Brawl?" I answer horrified.

"Oh yes. He was very hot-headed when he was younger.”


* He pays to have a doctor “come sort her out”, contraception-wise. Without her permission.
“It’s my body,” I mutter, annoyed that he hasn’t asked me.

“It’s mine, too,” he whispers.
No. No. No, it’s really not.

* “My natural inclination is to beat it out of you.”



* “Don’t be friendly with the staff or flirt with them. I don’t like it.” Don’t be such a douche. I don’t like it. You’ve got so many people working for you, you ballbag, you’d think a little appreciation here and there wouldn’t go amiss.

* Christian tells her that she can’t go to work.
“Do you think I am going to stay here twiddling my thumbs while you’re off being Master of the Universe?”

“Frankly… yes.”
* When she does eventually go to work (albeit with a bodyguard), she mentions that she’s going on a business meeting to New York with an overnight flight. They argue over e-mail, because of course Christian tells her she can’t go. Then, when she books the flight anyway, he makes it so that all trips have to be approved by the senior board first. You remember when Christian bought her company, so he could be even more of a controlling fucksicle than he already is. The trip to New York is off. “Please don’t be mad at me. I have your best interests at heart.”



* Then, when she goes out to get lunch for her boss, he calls her up and yells at her for going out when he told her not to, even if it was just 15 minutes. He’s got people watching her when he can’t watch her himself. It’s fucking sick.

* He asks her to move in with her after five weeks. Probably so the jackass has full control over everything she does.

* He asks her to marry him after six. And suggests they have kids.



* “This is my revenge, Ana. Argue with me and I am going to take it out on your body somehow.”

* “Why, Miss Steele, I believe you’re making my palm twitch.” Because God forbid a woman actually makes decisions on her own. If you want someone to cater to your every whim, get a fucking blow-up doll.

* “I’m a sadist, Ana. I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore – my birth mother.” Ladies and gentlemen, our pièce de résistance. Our cherry on top. I knew about this, but it’s still disgusting.

* When he dumps that bucket of shit on her head and tells her that he gave his ex-sub a bath that morning, she gets all emotional and yells at him to leave her alone. Naturally, he doesn’t.

* That night, he tries to have sex with her. She says, “Christian… Stop. I can’t do this.” Naturally, he doesn’t stop. It doesn’t end up with rape, because of course she cannot resist him. Lucky him.

* He has to hear from her every goddamn hour or he becomes worried.

* Ana nearly gets raped at work, and instead of being a supportive boyfriend, Christian yells at her and calls her stupid for not using her Blackberry to e-mail him.

It’s not like Anastasia is any better, either. That woman is dumb as dirt. Every time she has the brain to get mad at him for his outrageous behaviour, he just shushes her with sex. And she lets him, because she loves him, and because she’s just as sexed up as he is. You bloody daft cow. After everything they’ve been through, all the threats, all the mood swings, she still calls him “the most compassionate man she knows”.



I am getting sick and tired of her not knowing how good-looking she is, as well as how special she is. She’s got five men wanting her. And then there’s this charity auction where they auction off first dances with the women, and the first three get four to five thousand, and of course Ana is auctioned off for one hundred thousand dollars. Give me a fucking break.

And still she tries to portray how clever she is, with her passion for old books, and her Icarus references, and her Fifty Shades puns. Yet she knows how fucked up Christian is (Oh, Christian, what do I have to do to make you realize how I feel? Let him beat you, my subconscious sneers at me), yet she stays with him.

The inner goddess chronicles

My inner goddess is doing a triple axel dismount off the uneven bars. I hope you fall.

My inner goddess does three back flips over the gym floor.

My inner goddess grabs a rose between her teeth and starts to tango.

My inner goddess is draped in a pink feather boa and diamonds, strutting her stuff in fuck-me shoes.



There is absolutely zero plot in this book. Christian and Ana get back together, have sex, go to a charity auction, have sex, there’s an ex-sub with a gun on the loose, have sex, take a boat ride, have sex, have sex on the piano, have sex, argue about whether Ana can or cannot go to work, have sex, at least three scenes where they just have breakfast together, have sex, force a proposal on her, have sex. And when she is away from him and goes to work, she e-mails him constantly. And this goes on and on for over 500 pages. It’s enough to drive anyone mental, especially with the horrid writing. Everything is so repetitive and all the characters use the same words and the same expressions.

The reason they broke up at the end of the last book is because Christian gave Ana the beating of a lifetime and she discovered that BDSM wasn’t her thing. So when they get back together, they decide to do the vanilla sex. They have vanilla sex for three quarters of the book. They have sex every morning and every night, making every scene the same as the last, turning the book into one big two-person orgy with scenes that all sound the same, and, frankly, quite boring. I often sighed and went, “Again?” Ana finally has what she wants; Christian who knows how to behave himself a bit. Only when he mentions that he doesn’t feel the need to go all BDSM on her ass, she is disappointed. MAKE UP YOUR MIND, WOMAN.

Ana’s best friend, Kate, is conveniently on vacation with Christian’s brother, which removes the only person to actually have common sense when it comes to Christian.

The subplot with the volatile ex-sub is highly anticlimactic (I thought we hadn’t reached Breaking Dawn yet?) and, frankly, she disappointed me by not shooting Ana or Christian.

We have several scenes of them confessing their eternal love for one another, usually with Ana crying, and it’s just too much to bear. This book should’ve been called Fifty Cheeses Darker.

There’s also the fact that Ana is dating Christian, Kate is dating Christian’s brother Elliot, and Kate’s brother Ethan and Christian’s sister Mia are on the verge of dating. This has the potential of turning into one big incestuous gangbang.

This book is so messed up. They keep throwing accusations at one another and become irrationally jealous because they’re both so afraid that the other will leave. How about some goddamn trust in the one you want to marry? You know, even if you’ve only known them for about three minutes. Don’t even get me started on the proposal after six weeks. They don’t know anything about each other. They’ve already vowed their eternal love for one another, but they don’t know how the other prefers their coffee or tea in the morning. That is because, up until then, all they preferred in the morning was sex.

I am beyond done with this book. This has no redeeming qualities. It just sucks.

Christian and Ana, this one’s for you.

...more

2

Oct 03, 2011

The second half wasn't as bad, but the first half felt like a continuing repeat of the initial book.

Still hating the inner goddess thing. It's like Ana's talking to another version of herself in her head.

Getting tired of all the smirks. Does Christian make any other facial expression?

These books are a bit warped, but I have less of an issue reading about warped than I do reading about repetitive behaviors and inner goddesses.

The steam level was decent, but nothing way out there. The emails were The second half wasn't as bad, but the first half felt like a continuing repeat of the initial book.

Still hating the inner goddess thing. It's like Ana's talking to another version of herself in her head.

Getting tired of all the smirks. Does Christian make any other facial expression?

These books are a bit warped, but I have less of an issue reading about warped than I do reading about repetitive behaviors and inner goddesses.

The steam level was decent, but nothing way out there. The emails were still the only cute part of the book. I think the relationship was wayyyy too rushed, but whatever. ...more

4

Jan 30, 2017

3.5 KILL THE INNER GODDESS STARS

“I can’t bear to hurt you because I love you"



Okay now I'm very confused!?
Is this the right book?
Did I accidentally download an edited "nicer version"of this book by mistake?
What happened to the flogging self serving egotistical BDSM DOM, from Book one?
What happened to hard limits!?



To say I enjoyed this book more than book one would be a gross understatement!
This book kicked Book One ass (IMO).
Why you may ask?
Because he has some actual drama, some action, 3.5 KILL THE INNER GODDESS STARS

“I can’t bear to hurt you because I love you"



Okay now I'm very confused!?
Is this the right book?
Did I accidentally download an edited "nicer version"of this book by mistake?
What happened to the flogging self serving egotistical BDSM DOM, from Book one?
What happened to hard limits!?



To say I enjoyed this book more than book one would be a gross understatement!
This book kicked Book One ass (IMO).
Why you may ask?
Because he has some actual drama, some action, some interesting secondary characters popping out from under beds even! (Almost literally here!) lol!



I will honestly admit that I'm kind of a drama whore!

I KNOW WHAT A SHOCKER!?

Too much can kill a good story but none at all will leave me yawning and asking over and over "How many pages until the end again?"



I knew things would be different when I heard their first dialogue after their week separation.
Ana asks
“You look fine.” More than fine. You look like you.
“Appearances can be deceptive,” he says quietly. “I’m anything but fine. I feel like the sun has set and not risen for five days, Ana. I’m in perpetual night here."
And I was all....



Finally, we get some romantic statements in our smut book!

Also, In this book, the writer wrote about sooo many crazies that I thought my head was going to blow off!
Sure some of them were in Book one but they were just a footnote then.

NOW THEY ARE FULL BLOWN CRAZIES!

We still have the child molester Mrs. Robinson aka Elena, who Ana and his mother finally put in her place and that scene made the whole book worth reading for me.
Way to go MOM!
Bitch slap that child molester, but I still think she should be in jail.
And we have Leila, who could ever forget creepy and mentally disturbed Leila!
I know, I never could!
Furthermore, we add Ana's boss, the very creepy and mentally unstable man, named Jack to the mix.
And we are all set!
It's a complete "crazies r us" and they have a half off sale on all guns and toys!

SERIOUSLY, MR. GREY AND ANA SEEMS TO BRINGS OUT ALL THE MENTAL IN EVERYONE FUNDAMENTAL!



I honestly really really enjoyed this book.
I know, I'm crazy too!
But I'm embracing my inner crazy instead of my inner goddess.
Cause, it seems that Ana still has her monopolized here! Lol!



I still wouldn't recommend this book to everyone as it has elements of BDSM, sex toys, bondage and anal play.

I believe in full disclosure and this is why I included this in my review.

FINALLY, I can now see the second movie secure in the knowledge that I did the right thing and READ THE BOOK BEFORE SEEING THE MOVIE!

I'm a very strong advocate of this.
I hope that others will do the same and save the written word from extinction. I know, that's a gross exaggeration, but I do believe that everyone should read more books.



By the way, this book would have been a 5 star read if It had less INNER GODDESS MOMENTS (annoying ass introspection) , less "baby" "laters" and other very very repetitive words choices.

Also, like I said in my last review of FSOG Book 1,
I REALLY HATE BEING IN ANA'S HEAD!
If I had had another POV I might have been able to get some much needed relief from her inner workings.
Then, I might have enjoyed the book more!?
Who knows?



THANKS AGAIN ALINE FOR KICKING MY BUTT TO READ THIS BOOK.
ON TO BOOK 3 AND THEN I GET GREY POV!
YAY AND FINALLY! ...more

5

Jul 03, 2011

Oh, Christian, you make MY inner goddess swoon!

There is so much to love about Fifty Shades Darker. Fifty Shades Darker is a much more comfortable read than the first book, Fifty Shades of Grey. This book focuses more upon the evolution of Christian’s and Ana’s relationship.

And boy, does it evolve. After a short but miserable separation, Christian and Ana realize that they need each other. In the previous book, Christian was very much in control of the relationship. In this book, the tables are Oh, Christian, you make MY inner goddess swoon!

There is so much to love about Fifty Shades Darker. Fifty Shades Darker is a much more comfortable read than the first book, Fifty Shades of Grey. This book focuses more upon the evolution of Christian’s and Ana’s relationship.

And boy, does it evolve. After a short but miserable separation, Christian and Ana realize that they need each other. In the previous book, Christian was very much in control of the relationship. In this book, the tables are turned and Ana is now in control. Christian senses that Ana needs a more conventional relationship and attempts to provide it for her in his own special way.

What makes this book different from others in this genre is that there is an actual story surrounding the main characters. The characters are multi-layered. Christian’s difficult childhood is slowly revealed to the reader, resulting in an understanding of his problems. Ana becomes more self-assured in this book, perhaps due to maturity and experience, yet she still has niggling thoughts as to whether she will be able to fulfill all of Christian’s needs. Ana also becomes more daring and assertive and she stands up to threats to her relationship with Christian.

I loved the dialogue and banter between these two characters, especially the emails where they used SHOUTY CAPITALS. It is interesting to note that Ana’s email communications with Christian were uninhibited. The emails allowed her to say exactly what was on her mind. Ana’s inner dialogues with her inner goddess and her conscious were entertaining as well. I found that Ana and Christian were much more playful in this book.

I don’t know how she does it, but E.L. James can make the most ordinary scenes sizzle off the page. Imagine what she does with the sexy scenes…so hot! I’ll never look at a pool table the same way again without imagining Fifty….and elevators, pianos, and, well, you get it, right?

I’ve been a fan for quite a while and I am so happy that there will be one more book in this series. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for E.L. James.

Note – This is a series and should be read in order. The first book is Fifty Shades of Grey.

Thank you to the author and The Writer’s Coffee Shop for a review copy of this book.

Review posted on Badass Book Reviews.
...more

4

Apr 04, 2015

This is my favorite book in this series, what i loved about it is that they were both equals , both in control.

i loved it and ain't sorry :p :p