4.62/5
Author: Nagoski Ph.D., Emily
Publication Date: Mar 3, 2015
Formats: PDF,Paperback,Kindle,Audible Audiobook,Audio CD
Rating: 4.62/5 out of 10398
Publisher: Clarion / Simon
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Oct 23, 2015
All right so this is not the book I thought it was when I got it, and I apologise for a rating that would surely be higher if I were part of the target audience. I was hoping it was a survey of the latest scientific research into arousal disorders and sexuality; in fact, it's a very selective presentation of those pieces of research that are considered helpful in ‘promoting women's sexual well-being, autonomy and pleasure’. Studies, however revealing, which do not promote such things are All right so this is not the book I thought it was when I got it, and I apologise for a rating that would surely be higher if I were part of the target audience. I was hoping it was a survey of the latest scientific research into arousal disorders and sexuality; in fact, it's a very selective presentation of those pieces of research that are considered helpful in ‘promoting women's sexual well-being, autonomy and pleasure’. Studies, however revealing, which do not promote such things are ignored. In other words, the book is primarily therapy, not science. Perhaps not surprising given that the author is a sex therapist, but I hadn't realised that – I thought she was a researcher.Jun 22, 2018
Ok when I saw the tile of this book it thought probably what everyone else though about this book. (Ok the introduction and chapter 8 and appendix one might be, but the rest is science over myth), If it did not come so highly recommended from a respected friend of mine from uni. I probably would not every given it the first look. Read is as some "light reading" doing her PhD in Psychology. So of course she decided to experiment on her friend to get a male perspective on the book. So let me get Ok when I saw the tile of this book it thought probably what everyone else though about this book. (Ok the introduction and chapter 8 and appendix one might be, but the rest is science over myth), If it did not come so highly recommended from a respected friend of mine from uni. I probably would not every given it the first look. Read is as some "light reading" doing her PhD in Psychology. So of course she decided to experiment on her friend to get a male perspective on the book. So let me get this out of the way first. No!! This is not a collection of sex stories. There are actual case studies. They are not written to be provocative but to understand the feeling or the accelerators and the breaks.May 05, 2015
It’s hard not to love a book with a pseudo-vagina on the front; it’s even harder not to love that same book for smashing all the preconceived ideas we have about female (and by comparison, male) sexuality. Like, for example, did you know that the hymen as an indication of virginity is entirely a social construction and there is no scientific evidence backing it? Using actual, real science, Dr. Emily Nagoski – a speak-the-truth-and-only-the-truth sex educator/professor – breaks down all the It’s hard not to love a book with a pseudo-vagina on the front; it’s even harder not to love that same book for smashing all the preconceived ideas we have about female (and by comparison, male) sexuality. Like, for example, did you know that the hymen as an indication of virginity is entirely a social construction and there is no scientific evidence backing it? Using actual, real science, Dr. Emily Nagoski – a speak-the-truth-and-only-the-truth sex educator/professor – breaks down all the things we think we know about sex and desire and drive and, in the process, makes you feel like not are you normal, but we’re ALL normal. As she says over and over and over, “We’re all made up of the same basic parts, just organized differently.†In other words, there is no normal. This is a game changer of a human sexuality book – not just for women, who have always been told that men’s sexuality is the default (HINT: it’s not) – but for men who love women and don’t understand why the things that work for them, don’t work for women. Just….just go buy this. Buy this and read it and try not to be that weird person pushing a sex book on every single lady person you know. Because these are all lessons we need to learn. Better for us, better for everyone. — Rachel ManwillNov 03, 2015
The information in this book is solid gold. A copy should be put in the hands of every person, ideally before they've had sexual contact with another person. But. BUT. The metaphors. Dear Lord, the metaphors. We have sexuality as an accelerator and brakes, sexuality as an overgrown garden, sexuality as a hot water heater, complex feelings as a sleeping hedgehog, sexual interest as a customers seeking a diner, sexual expectations as a touchy monitor tapping her fingernails, our brains as a flock The information in this book is solid gold. A copy should be put in the hands of every person, ideally before they've had sexual contact with another person. But. BUT. The metaphors. Dear Lord, the metaphors. We have sexuality as an accelerator and brakes, sexuality as an overgrown garden, sexuality as a hot water heater, complex feelings as a sleeping hedgehog, sexual interest as a customers seeking a diner, sexual expectations as a touchy monitor tapping her fingernails, our brains as a flock of birds, and SO MANY OTHERS I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER.Jul 17, 2014
Come As You Are is absolutely the best book I've ever read, not just on sex, but on life and well being in general. Why read another book on sex? Because Emily describes how your brain and your life work together to create desire, and how to experience more pleasure, more joy, and more confidence with your relationships AND with sex.May 05, 2015
Books like this are why I LOVE non-fiction.Jul 06, 2016
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life is a nonfiction, self-help book written by sex educator, researcher, and author Emily Nagoski. It educates about a variety of issues that impact women's sexuality, and while some of it got quite repetitive in my opinion and I didn't quite take away as much new information as I expected to, I'm glad I read it. My favorite part discussed how the model of sexual response is based entirely on how men work, and if women Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life is a nonfiction, self-help book written by sex educator, researcher, and author Emily Nagoski. It educates about a variety of issues that impact women's sexuality, and while some of it got quite repetitive in my opinion and I didn't quite take away as much new information as I expected to, I'm glad I read it. My favorite part discussed how the model of sexual response is based entirely on how men work, and if women fail to be like men, they are often not considered sexually normal. Any woman can tell you this isn't breaking news but I thought having a whole section themed with "you are normal, it's the world around you that's broken" was incredibly validating. I will forever and a day support women who choose the science field, and I have a high appreciation for Ms. Nagoski's reasons for writing this book in the first place. Check it out!Sep 27, 2015
Updating review: I wrote this review almost five years ago. I'm cringing at using "lady parts". I still stick to my five star review, it helped me open up a lot sexually. I still recommend it to everyone, whether you identify as man or woman.Jan 11, 2019
For some women I have no doubt this would be a life-changing book. I definitely learned some cool stuff, things I am pissed that I did not know (because, patriarchy). But I guess I'm lucky enough that I don't really need the 'self-help' of this book to help with my sex life, and this aspect is really the meat of the book. Also, Nagoski acknowledges that the book is for and about cisgender women, so that omission didn't bother me (there isn't enough science about trans women or enby people), but For some women I have no doubt this would be a life-changing book. I definitely learned some cool stuff, things I am pissed that I did not know (because, patriarchy). But I guess I'm lucky enough that I don't really need the 'self-help' of this book to help with my sex life, and this aspect is really the meat of the book. Also, Nagoski acknowledges that the book is for and about cisgender women, so that omission didn't bother me (there isn't enough science about trans women or enby people), but I did still feel like it was suited for straight women in long term monogamous relationships, which Nagoski doesn't give a disclaimer for like she does the focus on cis women. The examples of lesbians didn't really feel like they were specific to those experiences and bi women don't come up at all. Single and poly women wouldn't get a lot out of this that would speak specifically to those experiences either, I don't think. Plus, the metaphors used to explain absolutely everything got to me after a while. ...moreMar 06, 2015
2 stars - Meh. Just ok.Mar 14, 2015
This is a book that everyone would read!May 04, 2019
5/5 starsApr 11, 2015
This book is so fantastic. I want to hand it out on the street. I want to buy a copy for every bridal shower I ever go to (for the bride AND groom). I want to buy two copies to save and give to my daughters one day. It's just great.Mar 24, 2015
Everyone with a vagina or interested in interacting with a vagina needs to read this book!Oct 03, 2015
This book reminds me why I hate reading self help books.Dec 28, 2015
I just want to buy this book for every woman I know. No, every PERSON I know. Nagoski gives the explanation of female sexuality that I think most of us didn't get in health class or anywhere else really.Oct 29, 2019
Arousal nonconcordance — everyone who is interested in female sexuality benefits from knowing about this — and far more! “With every brave conversation we have, we make the world that little bit better," says author and sex educator Emily Nagoski. Scientific, sensitive, and entertaining, she decimates taboos to explain of how female genitals work. “Why would you want to be normal when you can be extraordinary?†she asks at the end of this TED Talk that’s just a sample of her wisdom and style: Arousal nonconcordance — everyone who is interested in female sexuality benefits from knowing about this — and far more! “With every brave conversation we have, we make the world that little bit better," says author and sex educator Emily Nagoski. Scientific, sensitive, and entertaining, she decimates taboos to explain of how female genitals work. “Why would you want to be normal when you can be extraordinary?†she asks at the end of this TED Talk that’s just a sample of her wisdom and style: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_co... ...moreFeb 07, 2019
When the title of a book claims to tackle “The Surprising New Science,†I would expect to actually have new research references and more sciencey information about “responsive desire†vs “spontaneous desire,†arousal disorders, and women sexuality. But then again, it is followed by the highly self-help-ish “Will Transform Your Sex Life,†so I should have known better.Nov 02, 2015
This book was awesome for some reasons and a bit cringe-worthy for others. I'll start out with the good: This book is full of things that any person even remotely interested in sex should know. The author references specific studies, which lend credibility to her concepts. The book is empowering to women, assuring them that it is the sex culture that is the problem, not the way that women experience pleasure and desire - the map is wrong, not the terrain. This is a valuable message for people on This book was awesome for some reasons and a bit cringe-worthy for others. I'll start out with the good: This book is full of things that any person even remotely interested in sex should know. The author references specific studies, which lend credibility to her concepts. The book is empowering to women, assuring them that it is the sex culture that is the problem, not the way that women experience pleasure and desire - the map is wrong, not the terrain. This is a valuable message for people on the entire sexual spectrum. Unfortunately, while the tone of the writing was meant to be friendly and casual (and sometimes it is), other times it comes off as too cheeky for my taste. The book was also repetitive. I think that was on purpose, so that someone could read any given chapter and understand what came before it and what will come next, which is great if you want to share a specific concept with someone else. If you're going to read the book straight through, though, it gets a little irritating. Then, the book was written exclusively for women, despite the fact that men need to hear this too. I think some small tweaks would have made this empowering for women (and it's important that the focus is on women) but accessible to men as well. ...moreJun 04, 2019
I’m not exaggerating when I say that this book changed my life. So here’s my long review.Jul 17, 2015
I'd like to recommend this book to every human being I know! What a gift to relationships it would be! This is a book about the science of arousal and sexual desire, well-written with humor and affection, happily sex positive. Having taught sexuality education within the structures of the UU church, this is the book I wish we had all had as background reading before we began. Well done! The basic message: "You are all different and you are normal." Yes, it is repeated many, many times, but some I'd like to recommend this book to every human being I know! What a gift to relationships it would be! This is a book about the science of arousal and sexual desire, well-written with humor and affection, happily sex positive. Having taught sexuality education within the structures of the UU church, this is the book I wish we had all had as background reading before we began. Well done! The basic message: "You are all different and you are normal." Yes, it is repeated many, many times, but some folks need that. ...moreSep 25, 2017
This did more for my mental health than my sexual health, tbh. But then again a big narrative of this book is that where you are mentally affects where you are sexually, which makes sense.Aug 24, 2015
I didn't love the self-help aspect of this book. The author included some science - studies, explanation of the biological/neurological aspects involved in various sexual processes-- but felt a little too Deepak Chopra for me. The metaphors were not great- sexual self as garden, orgasm as birds or flock of birds. She should have either gone with the science *or* gone with the inspirational, feel good, nonscientific approach. Trying to use pretend science to promote Chopra-like inspirations just I didn't love the self-help aspect of this book. The author included some science - studies, explanation of the biological/neurological aspects involved in various sexual processes-- but felt a little too Deepak Chopra for me. The metaphors were not great- sexual self as garden, orgasm as birds or flock of birds. She should have either gone with the science *or* gone with the inspirational, feel good, nonscientific approach. Trying to use pretend science to promote Chopra-like inspirations just didn't work.Apr 16, 2015
I can't recommend this book strongly enough, not just for women but for anyone who feels let down by mainstream ideals of what sex "should" be. Blending sex science with emotional wellness, Emily Nagoski empowers readers to understand their bodies and to set their sexual experiences to their own internal compasses. Along with What You Really Really Want and The Ethical Slut, I would put Come As You Are on my short list of books everyone who is dating and boning should read.Apr 02, 2015
I loved this book. Nagoski's writing is engaging but firmly grounded in the literature, like being on the second bottle of wine with a friend who's also an academic. She debunks common myths about "how sexuality works" and presents some alternative models -- the accelerator/brake model for arousal, the idea that sex is not a drive, a thought-provoking definition of what an orgasm is, and on and on and on. This is some of the most educational lunchtime reading I've ever done at work! :DTake your time and choose the perfect book.
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